People who act friendly but secretly dislike you often display these 9 specific behaviors

Navigating social dynamics can feel akin to a complex chess game. Sometimes, people may act warmly towards you, but underneath, there’s an underlying dislike.

Recognizing these hidden sentiments isn’t always easy. However, there are certain behaviors that might clue you in.

In the following article, I’ll unpack nine specific behaviors often displayed by individuals who seem friendly on the surface but might secretly harbor negative feelings towards you.

Let’s get started.

1) Inconsistent body language

Body language is a powerful, yet often overlooked, form of communication. It can reveal a lot about a person’s true feelings.

Now, we’ve all had times when our body language doesn’t quite match our words. Maybe we’re feeling nervous or uncomfortable. But if someone consistently shows body language that contradicts their friendly words, that’s a red flag.

For instance, they might be all smiles and compliments, but their arms are always crossed defensively. Or they laugh at your jokes, but their eyes remain cold and detached.

This inconsistency can suggest that beneath the friendly facade, they may not harbor the warmest feelings towards you. So it’s worth paying attention to these subtle signals – they might be revealing a hidden truth. Remember, actions often speak louder than words.

2) They’re seldom genuinely interested

Another telltale sign can be a lack of genuine interest. Even if they’re always around, laughing and joking, they never seem to truly engage with your thoughts, feelings or experiences.

I remember a colleague of mine, let’s call him Tom. Tom would always greet me with a cheerful “Good morning!” and a big smile. But, I noticed that he rarely ever asked about my day or showed interest in my work.

One day, I decided to test my theory. I casually mentioned a significant event in my life – my dog had won a local pet competition. It was a big deal for me. But Tom’s reaction? He just nodded and quickly changed the subject.

It was at this moment I realized that his friendliness was just surface-level. Despite his sunny demeanor, he wasn’t really interested in my life or experiences. And that can be a clear indicator of someone who acts friendly but secretly dislikes you.

3) They avoid eye contact

Eye contact is a powerful form of non-verbal communication. When people are genuinely interested and invested in a conversation, they generally maintain eye contact.

However, if someone consistently avoids your gaze while acting friendly, it could indicate that they’re hiding something – like their true feelings for you.

In fact, researchers at the University of Michigan found that liars tend to make less eye contact than truth-tellers. So if that friend or colleague is always looking elsewhere during your conversations, they might not be as friendly as they seem.

4) They give backhanded compliments

Compliments are generally a sign of admiration and respect. But when someone is secretly harboring dislike, their compliments may come with a sting.

These are called backhanded compliments – statements that seem positive on the surface, but carry an insult or a critical remark.

For example, they might say something like, “You’re so brave for wearing that bold outfit. I could never pull it off.” It sounds like praise at first, but it’s subtly suggesting that your outfit is too daring or inappropriate.

If you notice someone regularly giving you these backhanded compliments while maintaining a friendly demeanor, it could be a sign they don’t actually like you as much as they pretend to.

5) They’re always too busy

We all lead busy lives. But if someone is always too busy to spend time with you or help you out, despite acting friendly when they see you, it could be a sign that they don’t actually like you.

For instance, they might always be making excuses to avoid hanging out with you outside of unavoidable situations like work or school. Or they might constantly postpone plans or cancel at the last minute.

While it’s perfectly normal for people to be genuinely busy sometimes, if it’s a persistent pattern, it’s worth considering whether their friendliness is genuine or just an act.

6) They don’t share their personal life

True friendships are built on mutual trust and sharing. We open up to our friends, letting them into our personal lives, because we feel connected and safe with them.

But if someone is acting friendly, yet they never share anything personal about themselves, it might be a sign that they’re keeping you at arm’s length.

This lack of openness can be subtle. They might talk a lot, but it’s all surface-level chatter – the weather, the news, the latest TV shows. They never delve into their feelings, experiences, or personal beliefs.

This can be hurtful, especially when you’ve opened up to them. It’s like knocking on a door that never opens. And while it’s important to respect people’s privacy and boundaries, a consistent lack of personal sharing might suggest that their friendly behavior is just a front.

7) They’re quick to criticize

Here’s something I’ve learned: some people are experts at disguising their dislike under a veil of ‘constructive criticism’. They maintain a friendly demeanor, but they’re quick to point out your flaws and mistakes.

A few years ago, I had a friend who was always the first to criticize my choices – be it my career path, my relationships, or even trivial things like my taste in music. She would always soften her critiques with a laugh or a friendly smile, making it seem like she was just joking or trying to help.

But over time, I realized that this constant flow of criticism, however well-disguised, was chipping away at my self-esteem. It wasn’t helpful or constructive – it was undermining.

So, if you notice that someone always has a critique ready despite their friendly attitude, they may not have your best interests at heart.

8) They seem unenthusiastic about your achievements

When we achieve something, big or small, we naturally want to share the joy with those around us. Genuine friends share in this joy and are quick to celebrate our achievements.

However, if someone consistently seems unenthusiastic or unimpressed by your successes, it could indicate that they secretly harbor negative feelings towards you.

This lack of enthusiasm often manifests as downplaying your achievements, showing indifference, or quickly changing the subject. They might act friendly in general, but their lack of excitement when you succeed can be a clear sign that they’re not truly on your side.

9) They don’t stand up for you

One of the most telling signs is when someone doesn’t stand up for you. True friends have your back, even when you’re not around.

If someone acts friendly towards you but never defends you when others speak negatively about you, their friendship might be in question.

Your real friends won’t let others disrespect or demean you. They’ll stand up for you because they value and respect you. If they don’t, it’s a strong sign that their friendliness is just an act.