Parents who minimize their children’s feelings often use these 8 phrases (without realizing it)

If you’re a parent, you know that navigating your child’s emotional landscape can be a complex journey.

Often, without realizing it, parents can minimize their children’s feelings with certain phrases. This can unintentionally lead to kids feeling unheard and undervalued.

Parenting is far from easy, and none of us get it right all the time. It’s not a matter of blame, but of awareness and improvement.

In this article, we’re going to explore eight common phrases that, while seemingly harmless, can have a significant impact on a child’s emotional well-being.

Increasing our understanding of these phrases can help us foster healthier and more empathetic parent-child relationships.

So let’s dive in and learn more about the ways our words may affect the little ones we love so much.

1) “You’re just being dramatic”

This phrase is often used by parents when they believe their child is overreacting or exaggerating their emotions.

While it’s true that children can be dramatic at times, it’s important to remember that their feelings are very real to them.

When parents dismiss their child’s emotions as theatrics, it sends a message that their feelings are not valid or important.

This can lead to children feeling misunderstood and undervalued.

For instance, if a child is upset because they didn’t do well on a test and a parent responds with “you’re just being dramatic,” the child may feel like their concerns and disappointments are not taken seriously.

In essence, this phrase invalidates the child’s feelings and may even make them feel guilty for having them. This can be harmful in the long run, as it may teach children to suppress their emotions rather than express them.

As parents, it’s crucial that we strive to understand and validate our children’s feelings, even if we don’t fully comprehend why they’re feeling a certain way.

Doing so not only fosters a healthier emotional environment but also teaches our kids that it’s okay to express their feelings.

2) “I know exactly how you feel”

On the surface, this phrase seems empathetic. Parents use it in an attempt to relate to their children’s experiences and to reassure them that they’re not alone.

But here’s the twist – it can often have the opposite effect.

When we tell our children “I know exactly how you feel”, we unintentionally project our own feelings and experiences onto them. What we’re really saying is, “I experienced something similar, and this is how I felt.”

But our children might be feeling something entirely different.

By assuming we know exactly how they feel, we may inadvertently dismiss their unique feelings and perspectives.

Instead of feeling understood, our children might feel that their personal experience is being overshadowed by our own.

A better approach could be to ask open-ended questions like, “Can you tell me more about how you’re feeling?”

This invites children to share their feelings in their own words, affirming that their feelings are important and valid.

3) “Stop crying, it’s not that big of a deal”

This phrase is common when parents perceive their child’s response as disproportionate to the situation. What seems trivial to an adult can be significant to a child.

Crying is a natural human response to distress, and it serves an important purpose.

When we cry, our bodies release oxytocin and endorphins, which help to soothe and alleviate emotional pain.

By telling our children to stop crying, we’re essentially asking them to suppress these natural coping mechanisms.

Moreover, this statement can lead children to believe that their feelings aren’t valid or worth expressing, which can negatively impact their emotional development and self-esteem.

Instead, consider acknowledging their feelings and offering comfort: “I see that you’re upset, and that’s okay. I’m here for you.”

This lets them know that it’s okay to express their feelings and that they are not alone in handling them.

4) “Don’t be so sensitive”

This phrase is usually uttered when a parent feels their child is overly affected by criticism, disappointment, or a harsh word.

It can inadvertently make a child feel that there’s something wrong with them for feeling deeply or reacting strongly.

In reality, sensitivity isn’t a weakness; it’s a trait that allows children to experience the world intensely and form deep connections with others.

Sensitive children often grow up to be empathetic adults who are in tune with the feelings of those around them.

Instead of asking our children not to be so sensitive, we should encourage them to embrace their feelings as a part of who they are.

We can help them navigate their sensitivity and teach them skills to manage their reactions.

This could be as simple as saying, “I see that you’re really feeling this. Let’s talk about how we can handle it together.”

5) “Because I said so”

This is a phrase that most of us have probably heard from our own parents at some point.

It’s often used as a quick response when we’re too busy or frustrated to explain the reasoning behind a decision or rule.

However, “Because I said so” doesn’t offer any understanding or room for discussion.

It can leave children feeling as though their opinions and questions aren’t valued or respected.

Instead, taking the time to explain our decisions helps children understand our reasoning and learn from the situation.

It shows them that their questions are valued and encourages open communication.

This might be as simple as saying, “We need to leave the park now because it’s close to dinner time and we need to get home to cook.”

6) “Wait until you’re older”

We’ve all been there. Your child asks a complex question or wants to discuss a mature topic, and you respond with “Wait until you’re older”. It’s an easy way to avoid tough conversations.

But this phrase can make children feel like their curiosity isn’t appreciated or that their ability to understand is underestimated.

I remember as a child asking why the sky was blue, only to be met with a dismissive “You’ll understand when you’re older.”

Instead of deferring their questions, try to answer them in an age-appropriate manner. This shows children that their questions are valued and encourages their curiosity.

For example, in response to the question about the sky, you might say, “The sky looks blue because of how sunlight interacts with our atmosphere, just like how a rainbow has different colors!”

7) “Life isn’t fair”

This phrase is often used to teach children a hard truth about life: things don’t always go the way we want them to.

But while this statement is true, it can be disheartening for a child to hear, especially when they’re already feeling upset or disappointed.

Using “life isn’t fair” as a blanket response can discourage children from expressing their feelings and make them feel like their disappointments aren’t valid.

Instead, acknowledge their feelings and use the situation as a teaching moment. You might say, “I know you’re disappointed that you didn’t make the team. It’s okay to feel upset.

Let’s talk about how we can improve for next time.” This approach validates their feelings of disappointment, but also encourages resilience and perseverance.

8) “You’re okay”

While this phrase is often said with the best intentions, it can inadvertently dismiss a child’s feelings.

When a child scrapes their knee or is upset about a disagreement with a friend, telling them “you’re okay” may not reflect what they’re feeling in that moment.

The most crucial thing to remember is that our role as parents isn’t to dictate how our children should feel, but to guide them in understanding and managing their emotions.

Instead of telling them how they feel, ask them: “How are you feeling?” or say, “That must have hurt, let’s clean it up.”

Recognizing and validating our children’s feelings helps them build emotional intelligence and resilience.

It fosters a trusting parent-child relationship where they feel seen, heard, and understood. And isn’t that what we all want for our kids?

Conclusion

Parenting is a remarkable journey that’s filled with both challenges and joy.

And while we all strive to be the best parents we can be, it’s important to remember that we’re also human and prone to mistakes.

This article has aimed to highlight certain phrases that, though seemingly innocuous, can inadvertently minimize our children’s feelings.

But remember, this isn’t about blame; it’s about awareness and growth.

The ultimate goal is to foster a space where our children feel seen, heard, and understood.

A space where their feelings are acknowledged and respected, regardless of how big or small they may seem to us.

And remember, time spent understanding and validating your child’s emotions is never wasted. It’s an investment in their emotional well-being and your shared relationship.

Here’s to nurturing our children’s emotional intelligence and building stronger, more empathetic parent-child bonds!