9 things a toxic family member will do when they realize they can no longer manipulate you

When it comes to family, things can sometimes get complicated, especially if you’re dealing with toxic family members.

I’ve been there, done that, and trust me, it’s not an experience I’d wish on anyone.

But the moment you start standing up for yourself and they realize they can no longer manipulate you, well, that’s when things really start to get interesting.

They might act out or try to regain control in a variety of ways.

And knowing what to expect can help prepare you for these situations.

So in this article, I’m going to share 9 things a toxic family member might do when they realize their manipulative tactics are no longer working on you.

1) They try to guilt-trip you

In the world of toxic family dynamics, guilt is a familiar weapon.

It’s not unusual for manipulative family members to resort to guilt-tripping when they sense their control slipping away.

I’ve seen it firsthand, and believe me, it’s not a pretty sight.

What this might look like is them bringing up past favors or sacrifices they’ve made for you, trying to make you feel indebted to them.

They might also play the victim, acting as though your refusal to be manipulated is a personal affront or betrayal.

But here’s the thing: you’re not responsible for their feelings.

Don’t let their attempts at inducing guilt sway you.

Remember, standing up for yourself and setting boundaries is a healthy and necessary part of any relationship.

Recognizing these guilt trips for what they are is the first step in maintaining your newfound independence from their manipulative tactics.

2) They resort to gaslighting

Gaslighting… Ever heard of it?

It’s a psychological term that originates from the 1944 film “Gaslight”, where a manipulative husband tries to make his wife question her reality.

In essence, gaslighting is a form of manipulation where the manipulator tries to make you doubt your own perceptions, feelings, or even sanity.

And guess what? This tactic is often used by toxic family members when they sense they’re losing control.

They might deny past events, distort facts, or accuse you of being overly sensitive.

Their aim? To create confusion and self-doubt, leading you to rely on them for your sense of reality.

But here’s the kicker: once you understand what gaslighting is, it becomes easier to spot and resist it.

Stay alert for signs of gaslighting and trust your experiences – they’re valid.

3) They suddenly become overly nice

Here’s something you might not expect.

After a period of resistance, some toxic family members might shift tactics and become extraordinarily nice.

Yes, you heard it right.

It seems counter-intuitive, right? After all, we’ve just been talking about manipulative tactics like guilt-tripping and gaslighting.

But this sudden display of kindness is usually another manipulation strategy. They’re hoping that by being extra nice, they can lure you back into their control.

You might receive unexpected gifts or compliments, or they might suddenly show interest in your life and feelings.

However, this sudden change in behavior is often superficial and short-lived.

It’s important to stay cautious and remember that true change takes time and consistent effort—not just a sudden burst of niceness.

4) They use silent treatment

Ever experienced a sudden, painful silence from a family member?

Well, it’s not uncommon for toxic individuals to use the silent treatment as a way of asserting control.

Think about it. It’s confusing and unsettling when someone you care about suddenly stops speaking to you, isn’t it?

The aim is to make you feel anxious, guilty, or desperate enough to approach them, apologize, or concede to their demands.

But here’s the truth: healthy communication is key in any relationship. Silent treatment is just another form of emotional manipulation.

Remember, you’re not required to break the silence or apologize for standing your ground. It’s okay to maintain your boundaries even if they respond with silence.

5) They engage in smear campaigns

When toxic family members realize they can’t control you anymore, they often resort to another low blow: smear campaigns.

They might start spreading rumors or half-truths about you to other family members or even friends.

Here are some things they might do:

• Tell others that you’re being unreasonable or cruel
• Twist your words to make you seem like the bad guy
• Play the victim and make false claims about how you’ve treated them

It’s a dirty game, but it’s just another desperate attempt to regain control and manipulate your relationships with others.

The key is not to engage in their game. Stand your ground and let your actions speak for themselves. Your true people will always see through the lies.

6) They project their behavior onto you

When I first encountered this behavior, it took me by surprise.

Toxic family members can often project their own manipulative behavior onto you.

What does that mean?

Well, they accuse you of the very things they’re guilty of doing themselves.

Let’s say they’re known for their constant criticism. Suddenly, they might accuse you of being overly critical of them.

It’s a classic case of deflection, a way to shift the blame and keep you on the defensive.

Remember, this is not about you. It’s about them and their inability to deal with their own behavior.

We should never let these projections affect our self-image or make us second guess our actions.

7) They feign ignorance or innocence

Imagine a scenario where you’ve finally confronted your toxic family member about their manipulative behavior.

And their response?

They act surprised, hurt, or even deny any wrongdoing. They might say things like, “I didn’t mean it that way,” or “You’re misunderstanding me.”

Sound familiar?

They’re playing innocent, pretending they have no idea why you’re upset or claiming they never intended to hurt you.

It’s a clever method of dodging responsibility for their actions and making you question your own judgment.

But ask yourself this: Is it really a misunderstanding if it keeps happening over and over again?

Remember, actions speak louder than words. If their behavior consistently hurts you, it’s time to trust your feelings, not their feigned ignorance.

8) They become overtly critical

When I was younger, I had a family member who, when he realized he could no longer manipulate me, became overtly critical of everything I did.

It was a tough time, to say the least.

Toxic family members can resort to constant criticism when they feel their control slipping away. They nitpick at your choices, your lifestyle, even your personality.

The goal here is to make you feel inferior and insecure, hoping that you’ll go back to seeking their approval and thus fall back under their control.

But here’s what I learned from my experience: their criticisms are not reflections of you, but of them.

Their need to belittle you speaks volumes about their own insecurities and failings.

So stand tall. You’re more than their harsh words.

9) They threaten to cut ties

The final thing you might notice when a toxic family member can no longer manipulate you? They threaten to cut ties.

It’s an extreme move, often seen as a last-ditch effort to regain control. They’re banking on your fear of losing them to make you cave in.

But here’s the crucial part. If someone is willing to end a relationship because they can’t control or manipulate you, then that relationship may not be worth preserving in the first place.

A healthy relationship is based on mutual respect, understanding, and love—not control and manipulation.

It’s a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes letting go is the best way forward.

What’s the next move?

Dealing with toxic family members can be emotionally draining, but remember, you’re not alone.

Many of us have been there and there’s a whole community of people who understand what you’re going through.

So, what’s next? How do you move on from here?

• Seek professional help: Therapists or counselors can provide valuable insights and coping strategies.
• Join support groups: Connecting with others who’ve had similar experiences can be extremely healing.
• Self-care: Prioritize your mental and emotional health. It’s okay to take time for yourself.

Remember, it’s not selfish to set boundaries or to choose your well-being over toxic relationships.

It’s important to reflect on these experiences and learn from them.

This journey is about growth, self-discovery, and ultimately, moving towards a healthier and happier you. After all, isn’t that what truly matters?