9 subtle phrases manipulative people use to gain your trust

Navigating the world of human interaction can sometimes feel like walking through a minefield, particularly when it comes to identifying manipulative behavior.

You see, manipulation isn’t always as overt as we’d like to believe.

Sometimes, it’s hidden in subtle phrases, carefully crafted to gain your trust and distort your perception.

As someone who’s been manipulated and learned the hard way, I’ve become pretty adept at spotting these crafty linguistic tricks.

In this article, I’m going to share 9 such subtle phrases manipulative people commonly use to weave their web of control.

My hope is that by making you aware of these, you’ll be better equipped to protect yourself from manipulation. Because everyone deserves relationships built on respect and honesty, not deceitful mind games.

1) “I totally understand where you’re coming from”

In the world of manipulation, empathy can be a powerful tool.

It’s not uncommon for a manipulative individual to use phrases that indicate understanding and validation of your emotions and experiences.

“I totally understand where you’re coming from” – sounds familiar, right?

While it’s nice to feel understood, it’s worth noting that this phrase can often be used to lower your guard and make you feel comfortable sharing more than you might otherwise.

The aim here isn’t genuine understanding or connection; it’s about collecting information that can later be used to their advantage.

Remember, manipulation is often about control, and knowledge is power.

So next time someone seems overly eager to relate to your experiences, take a moment to question their motives. Are they genuinely empathizing, or are they subtly manipulating you into trusting them?

2) “I was just trying to help”

Ever heard of gaslighting?

This is a psychological term that refers to a manipulative tactic where the manipulator makes you question your reality, causing you to doubt your thoughts, memories, or perceptions.

Now, how does this relate to our phrase?

Well, “I was just trying to help” is a classic gaslighting phrase. It’s often used when the manipulator has done something that upset or hurt you. Instead of acknowledging their mistake, they flip the narrative and make it seem like their intentions were noble.

This not only deflects responsibility but also makes you question whether your reaction was justified. You start wondering, “Am I being too sensitive? They were just trying to help, after all.”

See how sneaky that is?

3) “I never said that”

Ironically, following on from our discussion on gaslighting, here’s another common phrase that manipulators often use: “I never said that.”

Now, you might be thinking, “Isn’t it normal to deny saying something if you genuinely didn’t say it?” And yes, you’re right.

But here’s the catch.

Manipulative individuals tend to use this phrase even when they did say something hurtful or inappropriate, simply to make you question your memory or understanding.

It’s a subtle way of undermining your confidence in your own perceptions, making you more reliant on their version of events.

Clever, isn’t it? But once you’re aware of this tactic, it becomes far less effective. So keep your ears open for this one. It may reveal more than it conceals.

4) “Don’t you trust me?”

Ever felt pressured to agree with someone, just because they questioned your trust in them?

“Don’t you trust me?” is a phrase manipulative individuals often use to guilt-trip you into agreeing with them or doing what they want.

On the surface, it seems like an innocent question. But it’s actually a cleverly disguised trap.

If you say ‘no,’ you’re the bad guy for not trusting them. If you say ‘yes,’ you’re implicitly agreeing to their request, even if you’re uncomfortable with it.

This phrase can make you question your own judgement and can potentially lead to actions against your better interests.

Reflect on whether they truly have your best interests at heart or are simply trying to manipulate you.

5) “You’re too sensitive”

Here’s a phrase that can really sting: “You’re too sensitive.”

Manipulators often use this phrase to:

• Dismiss your feelings
• Make you doubt your reactions
• Justify their hurtful behavior

If someone consistently tells you that you’re too sensitive, they’re essentially saying that your feelings and experiences are invalid. That your reactions are over the top. That it’s your fault, not theirs.

This is a clear attempt to shift blame and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

6) “I’m your only friend”

You know, it’s fascinating how manipulative people use isolation as a tool of control.

“I’m your only friend” – it’s a phrase designed to make you feel alone, vulnerable, and utterly dependent on them.

I’ve seen this happen, and it’s not pretty. The manipulator slowly cuts off your connections with others, making you believe that they’re the only one who truly cares for you.

We need to remember that genuine friendships don’t come with conditions. They don’t make you feel isolated or dependent.

Let’s not fall for this tactic. If someone is trying to isolate you under the guise of friendship, it’s a big red flag waving right in your face.

7) “If you really cared about me, you would…”

Imagine this: You’re having a disagreement with someone. You’re standing your ground, maintaining your boundaries. Suddenly, they drop this line – “If you really cared about me, you would…”

What do you do? Do you compromise your boundaries to prove your affection, or do you hold firm and risk appearing uncaring?

This is an emotional blackmail tactic manipulators often use. They twist your feelings for them into a weapon to bend you to their will.

So the next time you hear this phrase, ask yourself: Are they respecting my boundaries? Or are they using my feelings against me to get their own way?

8) “I did this all for you”

Ah, the classic guilt trip: “I did this all for you.”

I remember a time when a friend insisted on throwing me a surprise party. Now, I’m an introvert, and I had made it clear that I didn’t want a big fuss. But they went ahead and planned this grand surprise anyway.

When I expressed my discomfort, they responded with, “But I did this all for you.”

This phrase is often used to make you feel indebted, to make you feel guilty for not appreciating their efforts. It’s a way of shifting blame from their disregard for your wishes onto your lack of gratitude.

But here’s the thing: genuine acts of kindness don’t come with strings attached. They respect your wishes and boundaries.

9) “You owe me”

And here we are, at our final phrase: “You owe me.”

This sentence is the epitome of manipulation. It’s designed to make you feel obligated, to make you believe that you’re in debt to them and that you need to repay them – usually by doing what they want.

Whether it’s for a favor they did, a gift they gave, or simply because they feel entitled to your compliance, this phrase is a clear indicator of a manipulative person.

Because in healthy relationships, there’s no tallying of debts. There’s no obligation to repay kindness with compliance.

You don’t owe anyone your autonomy or peace of mind.

Ready to spot the signs?

Before we close, let’s recap and add a couple of additional things to remember:

• Manipulators often use language to distort reality and control others.
• The phrases we’ve discussed can help you spot manipulation in your relationships.
• Remember, even seemingly innocent phrases can be used manipulatively in the right context.
• If you feel uneasy or manipulated, it’s okay to seek support and advice.

Manipulation is a violation of trust, something none of us should have to endure in our relationships. By understanding these subtle phrases, you’re now better equipped to spot manipulation and safeguard your well-being.

Never forget that your feelings matter. Your experiences are valid. And it’s okay to stand up for yourself.

After all, isn’t it time we shifted the narrative from being victims of manipulation to being advocates for healthier, more respectful interactions? I believe we can, and I hope this piece has empowered you to do the same.