7 simple phrases that make people instantly feel comfortable around you, according to psychology

For years, I struggled with making people feel at ease around me.

And the constant worry of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

I was Lachlan Brown, a psychology enthusiast and the founder of Hack Spirit, but this was my reality for a long time. I was excellent at making people feel uncomfortable and it was taking a toll on my personal and professional life.

But then I stumbled upon something that changed everything.

Seven simple phrases, backed by psychology, that have the power to make people instantly feel comfortable around you.

In this article, I’m going to share these phrases with you. I hope they will transform your interactions as much as they did mine.

Let’s dive in.

1) “Tell me more about that”

The first phrase that transformed my interactions was a simple invitation for others to share more about themselves.

“Tell me more about that.”

It’s a phrase that communicates interest and openness. It puts the other person at ease, making them feel valued and heard.

As the founder of Hack Spirit and a psychology enthusiast, I discovered that people love sharing their stories and experiences. But they often need to feel safe and invited before they do so.

This phrase does exactly that. It invites them to open up, to delve deeper into their thoughts and feelings. And in turn, it creates an atmosphere of trust and comfort.

Try it. Next time you’re in a conversation, instead of trying to fill the silence or steering the conversation towards yourself, simply say: “Tell me more about that.”

You’ll be amazed at how it changes the dynamic, making people feel more comfortable around you.

2) “I understand where you’re coming from”

There was a time when I was having a heated argument with a close friend. I could see we were going in circles, neither of us willing to back down. It was then that I decided to use this phrase.

“I understand where you’re coming from,” I said calmly. And I meant it.

The effect was immediate. The tension eased, my friend’s defensive stance softened and we were able to have a more productive conversation.

This ties back to what the renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said: “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.”

And that’s exactly what this phrase does. It tells the other person that you’re there with them, fully present and understanding, without any judgment. It makes them feel seen and heard, which according to psychology, is one of the most fundamental human needs.

3) “That must have been really hard for you”

This phrase is about empathy and validation. It’s about acknowledging the other person’s struggle or hardship.

I remember a time when a friend of mine was telling me about a difficult situation at work. I listened attentively and when he finished, I said, “That must have been really hard for you.”

His response was a deep sigh of relief. He looked at me with gratitude in his eyes and said, “Yes, it was. Thank you for understanding.”

It was a simple phrase, yet it had a profound impact. It showed my friend that I acknowledged his feelings and that I was there to support him.

This phrase doesn’t offer advice or solutions, it simply validates the other person’s experience. And sometimes, that’s all we really need – not someone to fix our problems, but someone to say “I see you. I understand your struggle.”

4) “I appreciate your perspective”

In an era where polarizing opinions can often lead to heated debates, saying “I appreciate your perspective” can help diffuse tension and foster mutual respect.

A personal example of this was during a team meeting at Hack Spirit. We were discussing the future direction of our content and there were varying opinions. Instead of dismissing ideas that differed from my own, I made a conscious effort to say, “I appreciate your perspective.”

The result? A more constructive discussion where everyone felt heard and valued.

This approach is backed by a study conducted by the University of Illinois. According to their research, expressing appreciation in conversations promotes positive relationship quality and closeness.

So next time you find yourself in a conversation with differing viewpoints, try using this phrase. It could make all the difference in fostering a positive and respectful dialogue.

5) “You’re doing great”

This phrase is about encouragement and validation. It not only boosts the other person’s confidence but also makes them feel appreciated and valued.

I recall a time when a colleague was feeling overwhelmed with a project we were working on. I could see the stress on his face. I looked at him and said, “You’re doing great.”

His face instantly brightened up and he seemed more motivated to carry on with the task at hand. This simple phrase reassured him that his efforts were recognized and appreciated.

We all have moments of self-doubt and hearing words of encouragement from others can be a huge morale booster. So, don’t hesitate to use this phrase when you notice someone could use a little pick-me-up. Your words could make a significant difference in their day.

6) “I trust your judgment”

Such a respectful and empowering phrase, it tells the other person that you believe in their abilities and decision-making skills.

I remember a time when a member of my team was hesitant to make a decision on a project we were working on. He was looking for guidance, but I believed he was perfectly capable of making the call.

“I trust your judgment,” I told him.

He looked surprised at first, but then his face lit up with confidence. He made the decision, it turned out to be the right one, and he’s been more confident since.

In the words of the renowned psychologist Abraham Maslow, “The story of the human race is the story of men and women selling themselves short.”

Trust in someone’s judgment can empower them, boost their confidence and help them realize their full potential. It’s a simple phrase with a powerful impact.

7) “It’s okay to disagree”

This is about respect for individuality and acceptance of differing viewpoints. It tells the other person that it’s okay to have different opinions and that this difference doesn’t diminish the respect or value you have for them.

When we think about making people comfortable around us, we often assume it means agreeing with them all the time. However, this isn’t always the case.

I remember a heated discussion with a friend about a political issue. We were on opposite sides of the debate and it was getting tense. That’s when I decided to say, “It’s okay to disagree.”

Immediately, the tension eased. We were able to continue our discussion in a more respectful and relaxed manner, accepting each other’s viewpoints without trying to ‘win’ the argument.

Practically speaking, try using this phrase the next time you find yourself in a disagreement. It can turn a potential argument into a respectful conversation, making the other person feel more comfortable and at ease around you.

Conclusion

Mastering the art of making people feel comfortable around you is all about empathy, respect, and validation. These 7 simple phrases can be your starting point.

Remember, it’s not just about using these phrases, but truly meaning them. Genuine connection and rapport can’t be faked, so be sincere in your interactions.

Start by incorporating one or two phrases into your conversations and observe the impact they have. Then gradually try to use all of them.

With practice, you’ll become more adept at creating an atmosphere of comfort and trust around you. And who knows?

You might just find that these phrases not only make others feel comfortable around you but also make your own interactions more enjoyable and fulfilling.