Parenting is an art, not a science. But wouldn’t it be great if there was a kind of cheat sheet?
Well, there sort of is. Mastering certain skills can strengthen the bond with your adult children.
I’m not talking about manipulation, but rather influence – guiding your children in a way that respects their autonomy and choices.
These 8 skills won’t just improve your parenting, it will foster a close, enduring bond with your children into adulthood.
Let’s get right into ’em.
1) Empathy
Understanding your child’s feelings is crucial in parenting.
Psychologists emphasize the importance of empathy in maintaining strong relationships. As stated by Dr. Betsy Holmberg, for instance, “empathy is an essential ingredient for solid, supportive relationships.”
It’s not just about feeling sorry for your children when they’re having a tough time, but really understanding their experiences and showing them that you do.
It isn’t about agreeing with your child or letting them off the hook for misbehavior. It’s about acknowledging their feelings, validating them, and guiding them toward better behavior or solutions.
Practicing empathy can be challenging, especially when you’re dealing with difficult behavior. But it’s a skill that, when mastered, can greatly strengthen your bond with your adult children.
2) Open communication
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned as a parent is that open communication is paramount.
I recall a time when my daughter was struggling with her college exams. She didn’t talk about it initially, and I could see that she was under a lot of stress. Instead of assuming or guessing what was going on, I sat down with her one day and simply said, “I noticed you’ve been quite stressed lately. Is there something bothering you?”
That simple question opened up a conversation that allowed her to express her worries and fears. It also gave me an opportunity to provide support and guidance without imposing my opinions or solutions.
This experience taught me the importance of not just talking, but also listening – really listening – to what your children have to say. More often than not, they don’t need us to fix their problems; they just need someone who understands and supports them.
Good communication isn’t about prying into your children’s lives or manipulating them into sharing. It’s about fostering an environment where they feel comfortable expressing themselves. And it’s a skill that can drastically improve your bond when mastered.
3) Setting boundaries
Setting boundaries is an essential part of parenting. It’s not just about discipline or control, it’s about teaching your children the importance of respecting others and themselves.
This doesn’t mean being overly authoritarian or inflexible. It’s about setting reasonable expectations and consistently enforcing them. It’s also about explaining why these boundaries are important, which helps your children understand and respect them.
As your children grow into adulthood, these lessons on boundaries will not only strengthen your relationship with them but also help them navigate their own relationships effectively.
4) Encouraging independence
From the moment they start to walk and talk, children are eager to explore the world around them. As parents, it’s our job to guide them, but it’s also important to let them make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes.
Whether it’s letting your toddler choose their own outfit or allowing your teenager to manage their own time and responsibilities, fostering independence will help them build confidence and resilience.
As your children transition into adulthood, they’ll be better equipped to handle life’s challenges and make wise decisions. And knowing that you trust their judgement will only strengthen your bond with them.
It isn’t about leaving your children to fend for themselves. It’s about providing them with the tools and support they need to navigate the world on their own terms.
5) Loving unconditionally
At the very core of parenting is a love so profound, it transcends all differences, disagreements, and hardships. A love that is steady, unwavering, and unconditional.
Unconditional love doesn’t mean spoiling your children or letting them get away with bad behavior. It means loving them in spite of their imperfections, supporting them through their ups and downs, and believing in their potential even when they don’t.
No matter how old your children get, they’ll always need to feel loved and accepted for who they are. It’s this sense of security and belonging that paves the way for a close bond that lasts well into adulthood.
6) Showing your own vulnerability
Coming to terms with my own vulnerability was a game-changer in my parenting journey.
I remember the day I had to apologize to my son after a heated argument. I didn’t want to admit that I was wrong, but I knew it was the right thing to do.
In that moment, I wasn’t just a parent correcting a child’s behavior. I was a human being admitting to another human being that I made a mistake. It was humbling, but it was also liberating.
Showing your own vulnerability doesn’t make you weak; it makes you relatable. It shows your children that it’s okay to make mistakes, to have bad days, and to not have all the answers.
This can be a powerful lesson for them as they navigate their own struggles and uncertainties in adulthood. And it can deepen the bond between you as they see you not just as a parent, but as a person with your own strengths and weaknesses.
7) Be consistent
This is a big one.
Consistency is key in parenting. It’s about setting clear expectations and sticking to them, even when it’s challenging.
Whether it’s bedtime routines, homework habits, or rules about screen time, consistency provides a stable environment where your children know what to expect. This can be particularly important during their teenage years when life can feel like a whirlwind of changes.
As your children grow into adulthood, this consistency lays the foundation for trust and respect. They’ll know they can rely on you to mean what you say and to follow through on your commitments.
8) Fostering a strong sense of self-worth
Last but not least, one of the most impactful gifts we can give our children is a strong sense of self-worth. When children grow up knowing their value, they carry this confidence into adulthood.
This isn’t about inflating their ego or shielding them from criticism. It’s about teaching them to value their strengths, learn from their weaknesses, and respect themselves.
When children feel valued and respected at home, they’re more likely to form healthy relationships outside of home. They’ll also feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and emotions, which is key to maintaining a close bond with them as they grow into adults.
At the heart of it: It’s about connection
As parents, our role isn’t just to mould our children into adults but to guide them in their unique journey of becoming themselves.
Whether it’s empathizing with their struggles or celebrating their triumphs, each interaction is an opportunity to reinforce our bond with them. And this bond, built on trust and respect, can remain strong and enduring well into adulthood.
So as you navigate this rewarding journey of parenthood, take a moment to reflect on these skills. Consider how you can incorporate them into your interactions with your children.
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