People who fall out with family as they get older usually display these 7 behaviors

Family dynamics can shift as we age. Sometimes, this can result in falling out with those who were once our closest allies – our family.

This can be due to a myriad of factors, but there are certain behaviors that are commonly displayed by those who experience such family drifts.

In this article, we’re going to delve into these behaviors. We’ll explore the seven most common ones and try to understand why they might lead to a falling out.

Keep in mind, understanding these behaviors is not about blaming or pointing fingers. It’s about gaining insights and perhaps, finding ways to mend bridges.

So, let’s dive in.

1) Lack of communication

Communication is the bedrock of any relationship. When it comes to family ties, its importance becomes even more pronounced.

As we age, priorities shift and life paths diverge. This often leads to a decrease in communication, which eventually results in a gap.

Typically, people who fall out with their family as they get older tend to display this behavior. They gradually reduce their interaction with family members, leading to misunderstandings and feelings of neglect.

This lack of communication isn’t always intentional. It could be due to busy schedules or geographical distances. But regardless of the reason, its impact on family relationships remains significant.

Remember, understanding this behavior is not about placing blame. It’s about recognizing patterns that can potentially drive a wedge between family members. By being aware of these patterns, we might be able to address the issue before it escalates further.

2) Holding onto grudges

We all have disagreements with family members from time to time. However, holding onto those grudges can create deep-seated resentment and bitterness.

In my own experience, I saw this happening with my uncle. He had a falling out with my father over a business disagreement. While it was something that could’ve been resolved through discussion and compromise, he chose to hold onto his anger.

Years turned into decades, and the grudge festered, driving a wedge in their relationship. The entire family felt the strain of their unresolved issues.

Holding onto grudges is a common behavior among those who fall out with their family as they age. It’s important to recognize this pattern and try to address the underlying issues before they become irrevocable.

3) Avoiding family gatherings

Family gatherings, whether it’s for a festive occasion or a regular Sunday brunch, are the lifeblood of family relationships. They provide a chance to reconnect, share experiences and simply enjoy each other’s company.

However, people who tend to fall out with their family as they age often start avoiding these gatherings. They may come up with reasons or excuses to escape these occasions, leading to a physical and emotional distance from the family.

Recognizing this behavior can be the first step towards addressing the issue and seeking ways to rekindle the familial bonds.

4) Not expressing emotions

Emotions act as a bridge between individuals, allowing us to understand each other’s thoughts and feelings. In a family, sharing emotions can strengthen bonds and foster understanding.

However, those who tend to fall out with their family as they age often display a tendency to bottle up their emotions. They don’t express their feelings, whether positive or negative, creating a wall of silence that can lead to misunderstandings and resentment.

This behavior can be due to various reasons. Perhaps they fear backlash or feel their emotions won’t be understood. Regardless of the reason, not expressing emotions can lead to a breakdown in communication and strain familial relationships.

Understanding this behavior can help in fostering open communication and empathy within the family, thereby preventing potential conflicts.

5) Setting unrealistic expectations

Expectations are a part of human relationships. But when these expectations become unrealistic, they can lead to disappointment and conflict.

I remember when my sister first had her baby. She expected our parents to be available at her beck and call, without considering their own commitments and preferences. This led to a lot of tension in the family, with my sister feeling let down and our parents feeling overwhelmed.

Unrealistic expectations are a common trait among individuals who fall out with their family as they age. It’s crucial to recognize this behavior and strive for open communication and understanding, to ensure everyone’s needs and limitations are taken into account.

6) Disrespecting boundaries

Boundaries are essential in maintaining healthy relationships. They signify respect for each other’s personal space and preferences. However, some people tend to overstep these boundaries as they get older.

This behavior can take many forms. It could be constantly intruding on a sibling’s personal life, making unsolicited comments about a relative’s lifestyle choices, or failing to respect the privacy of others.

Disrespecting boundaries can lead to resentment and conflict within the family. Identifying this behavior and addressing it promptly can pave the way for healthier, more respectful family relationships.

7) Refusing to forgive and forget

Forgiveness is a powerful tool in maintaining harmony within any relationship, especially within a family. However, those who often fall out with family as they get older may find it difficult to forgive past mistakes.

This behavior can be potent enough to overshadow years of shared experiences and memories, leading to bitter fallout. It’s essential to remember that forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting the hurt caused, but rather choosing to move past it for the sake of the relationship.

Mastering the art of forgiving and forgetting can be the key to preventing fallouts and maintaining strong, lasting familial bonds.

Final thoughts: It’s often about empathy

At the root of many conflicts, especially within families, lies a lack of empathy. Empathy allows us to understand and share the feelings of others, helping to build stronger, more understanding relationships.

Psychologists have found that empathy can be cultivated and improved upon, like any other skill. It requires active listening, open-mindedness, and a willingness to understand others’ perspectives.

For those who find themselves falling out with family members as they age, developing empathy could be a crucial step towards mending bridges. Understanding the reasons behind these seven behaviors is not about assigning blame but about fostering empathy.

By recognizing these behaviors in ourselves or others, we can start to break down barriers, open lines of communication, and begin healing relationships. After all, family is a precious bond that should be nurtured and cherished.

Remember, it’s never too late to change a behavior or an attitude. The first step is always acknowledging it. The next step could be as simple as expressing understanding or extending an olive branch.