Communication is a two-way street, especially when it comes to our grandchildren.
And often, it’s not about what we’re saying, but how we’re saying it. There are certain habits that, without us realizing it, can make us less approachable and harder to listen to.
If you want your grandchildren to value your wisdom as they grow older, it’s time to bid farewell to these seven habits. Because when it comes to effective communication, it’s not just about speaking, but also about being heard.
In the upcoming paragraphs, I’ll share which habits to let go of if you want your grandchildren to truly listen to you.
1) Lecturing instead of listening
The first habit to say goodbye to is the tendency to lecture instead of listen.
Often, as grandparents, we have a wealth of knowledge and experience that we want to share with our grandchildren. But sometimes, this can come off as lecturing rather than sharing.
When we lecture, it can make our grandchildren feel like they’re being talked at, not talked to. And this can make it harder for them to listen and take in what we’re saying.
Instead, try to incorporate active listening into your conversations with your grandchildren. This means not just hearing their words, but truly understanding their feelings and perspectives.
By doing this, you’ll foster a more open and balanced dialogue where your grandchildren feel heard and respected. And when they feel this way, they’ll be more likely to listen to what you have to say in return.
So remember, sometimes the best way to be heard is to listen first.
2) Being overly critical
I remember when my first grandchild, Lily, showed me her artwork. She was so proud of the rainbow she had drawn. But, as an artist myself, I instantly noticed the lines were not very straight and the colors were outside the lines.
Without thinking, I pointed out these flaws, hoping to help her improve. But instead of being grateful, she looked hurt and didn’t want to draw with me for days.
That’s when I realized that I had been overly critical. Instead of focusing on Lily’s enthusiasm and effort, I had focused on the mistakes.
Being overly critical can make our grandchildren feel like they always fall short of our expectations, which can discourage them from sharing things with us or seeking our advice.
From then on, I decided to focus more on their efforts and less on their errors. It’s made a world of difference in how they respond to me. They’re more open and willing to share because they know I appreciate their efforts and won’t just focus on their mistakes.
3) Having a one-track mind
It’s easy to get set in our ways as we age, sticking to what we know and love. However, having a one-track mind can create a disconnect between us and our grandchildren.
Did you know that today’s children are growing up in the most technologically advanced era ever? They’re exposed to a rapidly changing world full of apps, devices, and social media platforms that didn’t exist when we were their age.
If we’re not open to learning about these new things, it can make us seem out of touch and less relatable. Our grandchildren might feel like we don’t understand their world, which can make them less inclined to listen to us.
Being open to new ideas and experiences not only keeps us young at heart but also helps us maintain a strong connection with our grandchildren.
By showing them that we’re willing to step out of our comfort zones and learn about their interests, we can bridge the generational gap and foster deeper conversations.
4) Not respecting boundaries
As grandparents, we often have the instinct to protect and guide our grandchildren in every aspect of their life. But as they grow older, it’s important to respect their need for autonomy and independence.
Respecting boundaries means understanding that our grandchildren have their own lives, experiences, and perspectives. It means not imposing our views on them or stepping in without being asked.
Overstepping boundaries can make our grandchildren feel like we don’t trust their judgment or respect their decisions. This can create a barrier that makes them less likely to come to us for advice or share their experiences.
Our role is to support and guide them, not control their actions. By respecting their boundaries, we can build a relationship based on mutual trust and respect, which will encourage them to listen to us more.
5) Fearing vulnerability
I remember a time when my grandson, Jake, was going through a tough break-up. He was devastated, and I wanted so badly to help him. But instead of just offering advice, I decided to share a story about my first heartbreak.
I told him about how lost and hurt I felt, how I thought I’d never recover. It wasn’t easy to revisit that pain, but sharing it with Jake made us both feel less alone in our experiences. He saw that I had been through something similar and understood his feelings.
Being vulnerable with our grandchildren allows them to see us as human beings who’ve also struggled, made mistakes, and learned lessons. It makes us relatable and approachable, which can make them more inclined to listen to our advice.
Don’t be afraid of showing your vulnerability. It can strengthen your relationship with your grandchildren in ways you might not expect.
6) Avoiding tough topics
It’s natural to want to shield our grandchildren from the harsh realities of the world. But avoiding tough topics can actually do more harm than good.
When we dodge difficult conversations, it can give our grandchildren the impression that these topics are taboo or that they can’t come to us with their concerns.
Whether it’s about politics, religion, sex, or mental health, being open to discussing these subjects can be incredibly beneficial. It shows our grandchildren that we respect their capacity to understand complex issues and value their opinions.
Tackling tough topics together can foster mutual trust and understanding, making your grandchildren more likely to listen and seek your advice in the future.
7) Neglecting to express love and appreciation
At the end of the day, the most powerful way to ensure that your grandchildren listen to you as they get older is by regularly expressing your love and appreciation for them.
Our grandchildren need to know that our advice comes from a place of love, not judgment. They need to feel valued and appreciated for who they are, not just for what they do.
Make it a habit to express your love in words and actions. Let them know how proud you are of them and how much they mean to you. This emotional bond is what will truly make your words resonate with them.
Because ultimately, we listen to those who we know truly care about us.
At the heart of it all: Connection
Getting down to the essence of it all, our interactions with our grandchildren are steeped in the universal language of connection.
Renowned child psychologist, Haim Ginott, once said, “Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.”
As grandparents, we have a unique opportunity to leave a lasting impression on our grandchildren. Our words and actions can guide them, mold them, and help them navigate the world.
But to make that impression positive and impactful, we need to ensure that they truly listen to us.
And as we’ve learned, this requires more than just speaking – it involves active listening, embracing vulnerability, tackling tough subjects, and most importantly, expressing our love and appreciation.
So as you reflect on your own habits, remember this: The goal isn’t just to be heard; it’s to connect on a deeper level with your grandchildren. It’s about creating a bond that’s not just based on familial ties but also on mutual respect, understanding, and love.
Because in the end, it is these connections that will resonate with them the most. And it is through these connections that our words will truly be heard.
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