If you recognize these 7 signs, you are way too hard on yourself (and it’s time to give yourself a break)

Sometimes it’s easier to see the good in others than it is to see it in ourselves. We often push ourselves too hard and forget to show ourselves a little kindness.

Being hard on yourself can be subtle, it’s not always about berating yourself for every mistake. Sometimes, it’s a quiet voice in the back of your mind constantly whispering that you could have done better.

Recognizing when you’re being overly critical of yourself can be the first step toward self-love and acceptance. And trust me, there are certain tell-tale signs that you’re being too harsh on yourself.

Here are seven signs that you need to start going easy on yourself. If you recognize these, then it’s time for a well-deserved break.

1) Constant self-criticism

We all have a little voice in our heads, the one that comments on our day-to-day lives. But for some of us, that voice isn’t very kind.

It’s one thing to critically assess your actions with an aim for improvement, quite another to relentlessly berate yourself for every minor slip-up.

If you find that your internal voice is constantly negative, always pointing out your flaws and mistakes, you might be being too hard on yourself.

Remember, it’s okay to make mistakes. They’re not a measure of your worth but an opportunity for growth. So, if your internal dialogue is more critical than constructive, it might be time to give yourself a break.

2) Setting unrealistically high expectations

I’ll share a personal example for this one. Back when I was in college, I used to set extremely high standards for myself. I’d spend hours studying, striving for that elusive perfect score. And when I didn’t reach it, I’d beat myself up over it, regardless of how well I’d done.

Looking back, I realize that the pressure I was putting on myself was unnecessary and unhealthy. It wasn’t about doing my best, it was about being “the best” – an impossibly high standard.

If you find yourself setting similarly lofty goals and then harshly criticizing yourself for not reaching them, you’re being too hard on yourself. Goals should challenge you, not drain you. If they’re making you miserable instead of motivating you, it’s time to reassess and give yourself a break.

3) Struggling to accept compliments

Did you know that how you respond to compliments can reveal a lot about how you view yourself? It’s true. If you constantly deflect, dismiss, or downplay compliments, it’s a sign that you might not think very highly of yourself.

We often convince ourselves that people are just being nice, or they don’t mean what they say. But by doing this, we’re essentially rejecting positive feedback and reinforcing our own negative self-perceptions.

If this sounds familiar, then you could be being too hard on yourself. Remember, it’s okay to take a compliment. It doesn’t make you arrogant or self-absorbed. Everyone deserves recognition for their achievements and qualities – including you.

4) Always comparing yourself to others

We live in a world where we’re constantly exposed to other people’s successes. Social media feeds are filled with perfect snapshots of everyone else’s lives, making it all too easy to fall into the comparison trap.

If you find yourself constantly measuring your worth against others, feeling like you’re falling behind or just not good enough, you’re being too hard on yourself.

Everyone’s journey is different. What you see online is often a highlight reel, not an accurate representation of someone’s life. So stop comparing and start recognizing your own progress. You are more than enough just as you are.

5) Never feeling satisfied with your accomplishments

A few years back, I won an award for a project I’d been pouring my heart and soul into. But instead of feeling proud, I found myself thinking that it wasn’t enough and that I could have done more.

This constant chase for more, for better, can be exhausting. If you find that no accomplishment, no matter how big or significant, ever feels quite enough, you might be pushing yourself too hard.

It’s important to celebrate our wins, big and small. They are proof of our hard work and dedication. If you’re constantly moving the goalposts for yourself, it might be time to pause and give yourself some credit. You’re doing better than you think.

6) Struggling to relax

If you find it difficult to take a break, constantly feeling the need to be productive, chances are, you’re being too hard on yourself.

We live in a society that often equates busyness with worth. It’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling guilty or unproductive when we take time out for ourselves.

But relaxation and self-care are not luxuries, they’re necessities for our mental and physical well-being. You’re a human being, not a human doing. It’s okay to rest. It’s okay to do nothing sometimes. Permit yourself to relax. You deserve it.

7) Your happiness depends on achieving

If your joy and self-worth hinge solely on your achievements, you’re setting yourself up for a never-ending cycle of disappointment. Success is not a prerequisite for happiness.

You are more than your accomplishments. Your worth is inherent, it doesn’t come from outside validation or reaching certain milestones.

If you find your mood and self-esteem fluctuate with your successes and failures, it’s a sign that you’re being too hard on yourself. It’s okay not to be perfect. It’s okay to just be you.

Embracing self-compassion

Navigating through life’s challenges often requires us to be tough, resilient, and adaptive. But in doing so, we sometimes forget that it also requires us to be kind – to others, and more importantly, to ourselves.

Self-compassion is not a sign of weakness or complacency. It’s a strength. It’s the ability to show kindness to ourselves, to acknowledge our struggles without judgment, and to understand that imperfection is a part of being human.

Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, affirms that self-compassion leads to increased resilience, more accurate self-concepts, and overall well-being.

So if you recognize these signs in yourself – the constant self-criticism, the unrealistic expectations, the inability to relax – remember, it’s okay to give yourself a break.

You are deserving of the same kindness and patience you extend to others. Embrace self-compassion. Because at the end of the day, you are enough just as you are.