It’s one thing to be around people who influence us positively, but it’s another to be manipulated without even realizing it.
Manipulation is a subtle art, often masked by sweet words and seemingly sincere intentions. It’s an attempt to sway our decisions and actions to suit someone else’s agenda, while we’re kept in the dark.
High-functioning manipulators are particularly adept at this game. They play their cards so well that you may not even recognize the manipulation until it’s too late.
In this article, we’ll uncover 8 behaviors that scream ‘manipulation’. If you recognize these, chances are you’re dealing with a high-functioning manipulator.
Awareness is the first step towards change, so let’s dive in and shed some light on these cunning tactics.
1) They’re always playing the victim
Manipulators are masters at playing the victim card.
Whether it’s a personal problem, a work-related issue, or a random event that has nothing to do with them, they have an uncanny ability to turn it around and make it seem like they’re the ones suffering.
Let’s call it the ‘poor me’ syndrome.
These individuals will play on your sympathies, making you feel guilty for them or even responsible for their plight. It’s a classic manipulation tactic designed to control your actions and reactions, all while they maintain an innocent facade.
But remember, it’s just a facade.
Recognizing this tactic for what it is – manipulation – can help you maintain control and avoid being caught up in their web of deceit.
2) They know just when to flatter you
High-functioning manipulators have a knack for knowing exactly when and how to flatter you.
I remember having a friend who would always compliment me – on my appearance, my work, my ideas – just before asking for a favor. It was as if the flattery was designed to soften the blow and make it harder for me to say no.
Related Stories from SmallBizTechnology
Here’s the thing about flattery – it feels good. We all like to be complimented and appreciated. But with a manipulator, the praise often comes with strings attached.
Over time, I realized that the compliments were not genuine but rather a tool used to get what they wanted from me.
It was a difficult realization to come to, but it helped me understand the manipulative behavior I was dealing with.
3) They’re masters of guilt-tripping
High-functioning manipulators are experts at guilt-tripping.
- 7 things a narcissist will do when they realize you’re not an easy person to manipulate - Global English Editing
- 7 behaviors of people who maintain strong friendships despite having different priorities in life - Small Business Bonfire
- 8 traits of men who are strong on the outside but weak and insecure underneath - Global English Editing
Guilt is a powerful emotion, and manipulators know exactly how to use it to their advantage. They subtly (or sometimes not so subtly) make you feel guilty for not doing what they want or for not meeting their expectations.
Take for instance, the psychological concept of ‘FOMO’ – Fear of Missing Out. Manipulators often use this concept to their advantage. They’ll make you feel like you’re missing out on something important or exciting if you don’t do what they want.
This tactic works because most of us have a natural desire to fit in and be part of the group. And manipulators know this all too well.
So, if someone in your life frequently uses guilt to influence your decisions or actions, it might be time to reassess that relationship.
4) They love playing mind games
One of the most frustrating things about dealing with a manipulator is their tendency to play mind games.
These games can take various forms – they might twist your words, question your memory of events, or constantly change the goalposts. The aim is always the same: to keep you off balance and unsure of yourself.
This psychological manipulation tactic is often referred to as ‘gaslighting‘. It’s a way for manipulators to gain power and control by making you doubt your own perceptions and sanity.
If you regularly find yourself feeling confused or second-guessing yourself after conversations with a particular person, it may be a sign that you’re being manipulated.
Remember, a healthy relationship involves open and honest communication, not mind games.
5) They exploit your kindness
We all have a soft spot for those we care about; it’s what makes us human. But manipulators know how to exploit this.
Your kindness, your empathy, your desire to help others – these are all beautiful qualities. But in the hands of a manipulator, they can be twisted and used against you.
Manipulators will take your goodwill, your generosity, and turn it into a weapon for their own gain. They will make you feel obligated to help them, to give in to their demands, even when it goes against your better judgment.
This can be incredibly heartbreaking, especially when the manipulator is someone you care deeply about.
But it’s important to remember that it’s okay to set boundaries. It’s okay to say no. Your kindness should not be used as a tool for manipulation; it should be appreciated and respected.
6) They rarely take responsibility
A high-functioning manipulator has an amazing ability to always shift the blame.
I once knew someone who would never take responsibility for their actions. If something went wrong, it was always someone else’s fault, never theirs.
In their world, they were the perpetual victim, and everyone else was always to blame. It was a constant cycle of deflection and denial that left me feeling frustrated and exhausted.
This inability to accept responsibility is a hallmark of manipulative behavior. It allows the manipulator to avoid any negative consequences while perpetuating their victim narrative.
7) They use your secrets against you
Trust is a fundamental part of any relationship. But in the hands of a manipulator, it can become a weapon.
Manipulators are adept at gaining your trust, encouraging you to share your deepest fears and insecurities with them. But once they have this information, they can use it against you.
They might bring up these secrets at strategic moments, using them to manipulate your emotions or decisions. It’s a cruel tactic that can leave you feeling betrayed and vulnerable.
So if someone you trust is using your secrets against you, it’s a clear sign of manipulation. It’s important to remember that trust should never be used as a tool for control or harm.
8) They’re incredibly charming
Don’t be fooled by their charm. This is perhaps the most dangerous trait of a high-functioning manipulator.
They know how to be charismatic, engaging, and likable. They draw others in with their charm, making it hard to see their true intentions.
But beneath the charm often lies a calculated plan to manipulate and control. This charm is not genuine, but rather a tool used to disarm and influence.
So, remember this – charm can be deceiving. If you notice someone using their charisma to consistently get their way or to deflect from their wrongdoings – be cautious. This could be the sign of a high-functioning manipulator in your life.
Final thoughts: Awareness is power
Understanding manipulation and its signs is truly a journey towards self-empowerment.
Remember, manipulators thrive in shadows, using subtlety as their primary weapon. They rely on you not recognizing their tactics. But with knowledge and awareness, you can learn to spot these behaviors and protect yourself.
The key is to trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
Recognizing manipulation is not about blaming or labeling others, but about understanding the dynamics that are at play. It’s about finding your voice, standing your ground, and not allowing anyone to control or influence you against your will.
Feeling stuck in self-doubt?
Stop trying to fix yourself and start embracing who you are. Join the free 7-day self-discovery challenge and learn how to transform negative emotions into personal growth.