Let’s be real—confidence can make or break how people see us.
Whether you’re speaking up in a meeting, mingling at a party, or standing in front of an audience, confidence has a way of amplifying your presence.
But here’s the thing: sometimes, it’s not a lack of confidence holding us back—it’s the little habits we don’t even realize are sabotaging us.
These behaviors can quietly chip away at how others perceive us and how we feel about ourselves.
In this article, we’re going to call out 7 self-sabotaging habits that might be dimming your shine.
Once you spot them, you’ll know exactly what to ditch to show up as your most confident self.
1) Self-deprecation
It’s common for individuals to resort to self-deprecating humor as a way to soften the atmosphere or appear humble.
However, this can often backfire, especially in a public setting.
While it might get a few laughs, repeatedly putting yourself down can actually make you appear less confident.
People start to believe the negative things you say about yourself, and it undermines your credibility.
The trick here is finding the right balance.
A little self-deprecation can be endearing, but too much can be self-sabotaging.
Rather than making a habit of highlighting your faults, focus on your strengths and accomplishments.
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This doesn’t mean you have to boast or exaggerate, but acknowledging your competencies can boost your confidence and make you seem more assured in public.
2) Apologizing unnecessarily
I used to be a serial apologizer. It was my go-to response for almost everything, from asking a question to voicing my opinion.
I thought it was polite, but it was actually a habit that was eroding my self-confidence.
Apologizing when you’ve done something wrong is essential, but constantly saying sorry when there’s no need can make you appear unsure and hesitant.
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It can give the impression that you’re always in the wrong or that you don’t value your own thoughts and contributions.
I remember once, during a team meeting at work, I started my presentation with an apology for taking up everyone’s time.
A colleague later pointed out that there was no need to apologize—after all, we were there to hear each other’s ideas.
That’s when I realized that my habit of unnecessary apologizing wasn’t about being polite, it was about feeling less than.
So, I consciously started to curb this habit.
With practice and mindfulness, I began replacing ‘sorry’ with ‘thank you’ wherever applicable.
This small change not only helped me appear more confident but also made me feel more self-assured.
If you too have been a serial apologizer, it’s time to say goodbye to this self-sabotaging habit to enhance your public confidence.
3) Avoiding eye contact
Eye contact is a powerful tool for conveying confidence.
Research shows that people who maintain eye contact are perceived as more reliable, warm, sociable, and competent.
When we avoid eye contact, it can often be interpreted as a sign of discomfort or lack of confidence.
It can make your audience feel disconnected or unengaged, and it might even raise doubts about your credibility.
Conversely, when you look someone in the eye while speaking, it demonstrates that you’re focused, sincere, and confident in what you’re saying.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you should stare unblinkingly at your audience—that can be just as unsettling!
The key is to maintain a natural and comfortable level of eye contact.
4) Using fillers in your speech
“Um”, “uh”, “like”, “you know”…
We all use these filler words more often than we realize, especially when we’re nervous or unsure.
While they might seem harmless, overusing these fillers can actually diminish the impact of our communication.
They can make us appear less confident, less knowledgeable, and even less trustworthy.
Imagine you’re listening to a speaker who constantly says “um” or “like” between their words.
It interrupts the flow of their message and can easily distract you from the point they’re trying to make.
It’s natural to use fillers when we’re thinking or trying to find the right words.
But if it becomes a habit, it could be sabotaging your public confidence.
The good news is that with a little mindfulness and practice, you can reduce your reliance on these filler words.
Try pausing when you feel the urge to use a filler.
This not only helps you collect your thoughts but also adds a level of seriousness and thoughtfulness to your speech.
5) Fear of silence
I used to be terrified of silence, especially in public situations.
The thought of a lull in the conversation or a pause during a presentation was something I dreaded.
I would rush to fill these silences with unnecessary chatter or information, fearing that people might think I didn’t know what I was talking about.
Over time, I realized that my fear of silence was actually undermining my confidence.
What I perceived as an awkward silence was often just a moment for people to absorb what I had said or think about their response.
Silence can be incredibly powerful.
It gives the speaker and the listener time to reflect and digest information.
Rather than fearing it, I learned to embrace it.
Now, when I’m in a public setting, whether it’s a meeting or a social gathering, I try not to rush through my points.
I give myself and others the space to think, to process information, and to respond thoughtfully.
Embracing silence has not only made me appear more confident but also improved the quality of my communication.
So if you share this fear of silence, it’s time to let it go and embrace the power of the pause.
6) Fidgeting
Fidgeting is a common habit that many people aren’t even aware they have.
Whether it’s tapping your foot, twirling your hair, or constantly adjusting your clothing, these small, nervous movements can detract from your confidence in public.
Fidgeting can make you appear nervous or restless, which can lead others to question your competence or credibility.
It can also be distracting for your audience, drawing their attention away from what you’re saying and focusing it on what you’re doing instead.
Being mindful of your body language and making an effort to remain calm and composed can greatly enhance your public confidence.
Try to keep your movements purposeful and controlled.
This can convey a sense of self-assuredness and poise, making you appear more confident and composed.
7) Negative self-talk
The way we talk to ourselves has a profound impact on our confidence.
If we constantly tell ourselves that we’re not good enough, not smart enough, or not capable enough, then that’s exactly how we’ll feel and how we’ll come across to others.
Negative self-talk can be incredibly damaging.
It can erode our self-esteem, limit our potential, and make us appear less confident in public.
So if you’re in the habit of criticizing yourself, it’s time to change the narrative.
Start by recognizing your negative self-talk and then challenge it.
Replace those negative statements with positive affirmations.
Remember, your thoughts shape your reality.
By changing your internal dialogue, you can boost your confidence and change how you present yourself in public.
Confidence is an inside job
At the core of our public confidence, or lack thereof, lie our beliefs and perceptions about ourselves.
After all, how we perceive ourselves greatly influences how others perceive us.
The seven self-sabotaging habits we’ve discussed are like barriers that prevent us from projecting our true confidence.
By identifying and breaking down these barriers, we can start to rebuild our public confidence.
Remember, appearing more confident in public isn’t about putting on a facade or trying to be someone else.
It’s about embracing who you are, recognizing your strengths, and believing in yourself.
So if you’ve been struggling with public confidence, take a moment to reflect on these habits.
Are they holding you back?
If so, it’s time to say goodbye to them and start your journey towards greater self-confidence.
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