Building a strong bond with your children as they grow older isn’t always easy. It requires more than just love. It involves breaking certain habits that might be standing in the way.
And let’s face it, we all have habits that could use some tweaking. Some of these habits might even be putting a strain on our relationship with our kids, without us realizing it.
Let’s change that. Let’s say goodbye to these 5 habits and pave the way for a stronger, healthier bond with our children.
1) Letting your busy schedule take precedence
We live in a fast-paced world, where juggling between jobs, errands and personal time can feel like a circus act. The truth is that we are all busy. However, our children often interpret our ‘busy’ as a lack of interest in them.
When we constantly put our schedule above spending quality time with them, it creates a divide. This habit can slowly eat away at the bond we’ve been trying to build.
Children value the time spent with them more than anything else. So as hard as it can be, we need to make them a priority. This might mean saying no to some things, or rearranging our schedule, but the payoff is worth it.
The first step towards this is recognizing that our ‘busy’ might be taking a toll on our relationship with our children. Strengthening bonds requires effort and time from both ends. So let’s make sure we’re giving it ours.
2) Failing to listen actively
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my journey as a parent, it’s the importance of active listening. I remember this one evening when my teenage daughter came home from school looking upset. Instead of really sitting down and listening to what was bothering her, I found myself throwing out quick-fix solutions while simultaneously cooking dinner.
Looking back, I realize that she didn’t need me to solve her problems, but simply to be there and listen. She needed me to understand her feelings and validate them.
Active listening involves being fully present in the conversation, making eye contact, and responding appropriately. It’s about showing your kids that their thoughts and feelings matter to you. This habit of not fully engaging can create a barrier and make them feel unheard.
Learning from my mistake, I now make it a point to pause what I’m doing and give my full attention when my children want to talk. This seemingly small change has made a big difference in our relationship.
3) Neglecting the practice of mindfulness
In our daily hustle, it’s easy to get caught up in the chaos and lose sight of the present moment. This is particularly true when it comes to interactions with our children. We may be physically present but mentally preoccupied, and they can sense it.
Mindfulness is the practice of being fully engaged in the present moment, aware of our surroundings and our feelings without judgement. It’s a powerful tool that can transform our relationships, especially with our children.
In my book “The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment”, I delve into practical ways to incorporate mindfulness into your daily life. One chapter specifically focuses on mindful parenting, discussing how this practice can strengthen the bond with your children.
By being more mindful, we not only become more connected with ourselves but also with our children. We start to see things from their perspective, understand their emotions better, and respond more effectively.
Saying goodbye to this habit of neglecting mindfulness and embracing a more present and aware way of parenting can significantly enhance our relationship with our growing children.
4) Expecting them to fit a mold
Having grown up in a family of academics, it was natural for me to assume that my son would follow the same path. When he showed more interest in art and music, I initially struggled to understand and accept his choices.
Every child is unique, with their own strengths, interests, and dreams. Just as we don’t appreciate being put into a box, our children don’t either. It’s crucial to acknowledge and appreciate their individuality.
Trying to fit them into a mold not only curbs their true potential but also creates a gap in our relationship with them. It sends out a message that we value our expectations more than their happiness.
Instead, let’s celebrate their individuality, encourage their passions, and support them in their journey. By doing so, we not only allow them to flourish but also strengthen our bond with them.
5) Shielding them from failure
As parents, it’s instinctive for us to want to protect our children from pain and disappointment. So, we often go great lengths to shield them from failure. It might sound counter-intuitive, but this habit can actually weaken our bond with them.
Failure is a part of life and a crucial aspect of personal growth. By preventing our children from experiencing failure, we deprive them of the opportunity to learn resilience, problem-solving and adaptability.
Instead of rushing to their rescue every time they stumble, let’s provide them with the tools to navigate their way out. This not only boosts their confidence and independence but also deepens their trust in us as parents who believe in their abilities.
It’s all about connection
At its core, strengthening our bond with our children as they grow older is all about fostering connection. It’s about understanding, empathy, and most importantly, unconditional love.
These habits we’ve discussed aren’t just individual actions to be ticked off a checklist. They are elements of a larger ethos of mindful parenting—an approach that values presence, acceptance, and emotional attunement.
In my book “The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment”, I delve deeper into these concepts and provide practical tips to incorporate them into your everyday life.
As you reflect on these habits, consider the power you have as a parent to shape the relationship with your children. It’s never too late to make changes and foster a stronger bond. Each moment presents an opportunity for connection. Let’s make the most of it.
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