7 everyday habits that are holding you back from becoming a better person, according to psychology

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wrestled with the feeling that I could be more.

More successful.

More fulfilled.

More at peace with myself.

Maybe you’ve felt the same.

You know the drill:

• Hustling for success, only to feel burned out.
• Trying to grow, but not knowing where to start.
• Longing for deeper connections with others—and yourself.
• Craving mental clarity but drowning in chaos.

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit, and just a few years ago, I was exactly where you might be now.

Stuck.

Frustrated.

Wondering why, despite my best intentions, I felt trapped in the same old patterns.

It was like climbing a mountain, only to slide back down before reaching the top.

Then something shifted.

I stumbled across psychological insights that felt like someone flipping on a light switch in a dark room.

They helped me recognize the small, everyday habits that were quietly sabotaging my progress.

And once I started tackling them?

Everything changed.

In this article, I’ll share the 7 habits that may be quietly holding you*back—and how understanding them could be the breakthrough you’ve been looking for.

1. Neglecting self-care

The first habit that I discovered was holding me back was the neglect of self-care.

As a busy guy running Hack Spirit, I had a habit of putting work and responsibilities before my own well-being.

I thought it was necessary to achieve my goals, but psychology taught me otherwise.

Self-care is not just about pampering yourself; it’s about taking care of your mental, emotional, and physical health.

It’s about setting boundaries and prioritizing your needs.

When we ignore self-care, we risk burnout and increased stress levels, both of which can hinder our progress towards becoming better individuals.

I started with small changes: ensuring I ate balanced meals, exercising regularly, and taking time to relax and recharge.

I also made it a point to check in with myself emotionally—acknowledging my feelings instead of suppressing them.

This shift in priority not only improved my health but also enhanced my productivity and overall happiness.

By making self-care a priority, you create a healthier foundation for personal growth.

So, start by taking small steps towards better self-care habits today, and you might be surprised at the positive impact it can have on your journey towards becoming a better person.

2. Overthinking and worrying

One of the most profound habits that was holding me back was overthinking and constant worrying.

I was always caught up in a web of what-ifs, replaying past mistakes, and fretting over future uncertainties.

It was mentally exhausting and incredibly counterproductive.

Carl Jung, a renowned psychologist, once said, “You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.”

This quote hit me hard.

Instead of being paralyzed by my worries and thoughts, I decided to channel my energy into action.

I realized that overthinking was just a futile attempt to gain control over life’s uncertainties.

So, I started practicing mindfulness.

Whenever I found myself getting lost in my thoughts, I would focus on my breath and bring myself back to the present moment.

In fact, a study published in the Journal of Cognitive Enhancement found that mindfulness practice significantly decreased rumination (a common symptom of overthinking) and improved participants’ ability to focus on the present.

This didn’t mean that I ignored my concerns or stopped planning for the future.

Instead, it helped me to separate productive planning from unhelpful worrying.

By confronting my habit of overthinking and replacing it with mindful action, I was able to reduce anxiety and make more meaningful progress towards my goals.

And remember, action is the antidote to worry.

3. Constantly comparing myself to others

Another toxic habit that had a stronghold on me was the constant comparison with others.

I was always measuring my worth based on how well I stacked up against my peers.

Whether it was their career achievements, relationships, or physical appearance, I found myself in a never-ending race to keep up with or outdo them.

This comparison game was not only tiring, but it also made me lose sight of my own unique path and strengths.

One day, it struck me – everyone’s journey is different, filled with their own unique challenges and successes.

What I was seeing on the surface was just a fraction of their reality, not a fair benchmark for comparison.

I decided then to shift my focus from others to myself.

Instead of comparing my journey with others, I began to track my own progress and celebrate my own small victories.

This change in perspective was liberating.

It allowed me to appreciate how far I’ve come while encouraging me to strive for personal growth at my own pace.

4. Spending too much time on social media

Another habit that was subtly sabotaging my growth was spending too much time on social media.

I used to justify it as a way to stay connected, but in reality, it was eating up chunks of my productive time and often leaving me feeling worse about myself.

A study conducted by researchers at the University of Pennsylvania, published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, confirmed my fears.

It found that high usage of platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat increased feelings of depression and loneliness.

I was shocked by this revelation. I thought staying “connected” online was supposed to make us feel better, not worse.

But when I reflected on it, I realized that most of my time online was spent mindlessly scrolling through feeds, comparing my life with others’, and getting lost in the highlight reels of people’s lives.

So, I decided to cut back on my social media time.

Instead of mindlessly scrolling, I started using that time for self-improvement activities – reading books, learning new skills, meditating.

This shift not only freed up more time for productive activities but also improved my overall mood and self-esteem.

So if you’re spending too much time on social media and feeling worse off because of it, you might want to consider reducing your screen time.

Use that time instead for activities that contribute to your growth and well-being.

5. Holding onto grudges

One of the most destructive habits that was holding me back was clinging onto grudges.

I realized that I was carrying around the weight of past resentments and disappointments, most of which had no relevance to my present life.

Every time I held onto a grudge, I was choosing to live in the past rather than moving forward.

This not only consumed my mental energy but also prevented me from forming positive relationships and experiences.

So, I made a conscious effort to let go of these grudges.

Instead of harbouring resentment, I chose to forgive, not for the other person, but for my own peace of mind.

This didn’t mean that I had to forget or allow the same mistakes to happen again.

It simply meant that I was releasing the burden of these negative emotions and making room for more positive experiences in my life.

By letting go of grudges, I felt lighter and more at peace with myself.

It also freed up space in my mind for more positive thoughts and emotions.

6. Being too hard on myself

Another habit that was detrimental to my personal growth was being overly critical of myself.

I had a habit of setting unrealistically high standards and then beating myself up when I fell short.

Famous psychologist Kristin Neff once said, “Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.”

This quote resonated deeply with me.

I realized that while it’s important to strive for self-improvement, it’s equally important to show ourselves compassion when we stumble.

Everyone makes mistakes; it’s a part of being human.

So, I started practicing self-compassion.

Whenever I caught myself engaging in negative self-talk, I would remind myself that it’s okay to make mistakes and that every setback is an opportunity for growth.

A study published in the journal Self and Identity found that individuals with higher levels of self-compassion reported greater personal improvement after recalling regret experiences.

This shift in mindset was liberating.

It relieved the immense pressure I had placed on myself and allowed me to learn from my mistakes instead of dwelling on them.

By treating myself with kindness and understanding, I was able to bounce back from failures more quickly and continue my journey towards becoming a better person with renewed enthusiasm.

So, if you find yourself being too hard on yourself, remember to practice self-compassion.

Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would extend to a friend.

It can make a world of difference in your personal growth journey.

7. Avoiding discomfort

The final habit that was holding me back may surprise you: it was the habit of avoiding discomfort.

We all have a natural tendency to seek comfort and avoid discomfort.

But I realized that this constant pursuit of comfort was actually limiting my growth.

You see, growth often happens outside our comfort zones.

When we push ourselves to try new things, face our fears, or take on challenging tasks, that’s when we stretch and grow.

So, I started to embrace discomfort.

I started taking on tasks that scared me, trying new things, and pushing my own boundaries.

It wasn’t easy, but each time I stepped out of my comfort zone, I learned something new about myself and my capabilities.

Here’s a practical tip: start by doing one thing each week that scares you or makes you uncomfortable.

It could be as small as speaking up in a meeting or as big as applying for a job you think is out of your reach.

Embracing discomfort won’t just make you a stronger person.

It’ll also open up a world of opportunities you might never have discovered if you’d stayed in your comfort zone.

Conclusion

Breaking free from these everyday habits isn’t easy, but it’s definitely worth it.

Remember, personal growth is a journey, not a destination.

It’s about making small, consistent changes that add up over time.

Don’t expect to transform overnight.

Instead, focus on one habit at a time.

Be patient with yourself, and celebrate every small victory along the way.

And most importantly, remember that it’s okay to stumble and fall.

What matters is that you pick yourself up, learn from your mistakes, and keep moving forward.

That’s what personal growth is really all about.

You’ve got this!