If someone always puts their needs first, you might suspect they’re a narcissist. If they constantly belittle you, it’s almost confirmed.
But, the mind of a narcissist is a complex labyrinth. Getting to understand their tactics and subtle manipulative ways can be a challenge.
Some of us, however, can spot these traits more easily than others. And that’s largely because we’re aware of these 8 specific signs.
This is the introduction to an article titled “8 subtle things a narcissist will do to gain the upper hand in their relationships”.
It’s about the cunning strategies they use, often unnoticed, to keep you under their control.
1) They’re champions at gaslighting
This term gets thrown around a lot these days, but it’s a genuine tactic used by narcissists.
Gaslighting is when they subtly twist your reality, making you question your own memory and sanity. It’s sneaky and often goes unnoticed until it’s too late.
Picture this: You’re sure they said something hurtful, but they deny it.
They insist you must’ve misunderstood or even imagined it. You start to doubt yourself, and voila – they’ve got you where they want.
That’s the power of gaslighting, and narcissists wield it like a pro.
Scary, huh? But knowing about it is the first step to countering it.
2) They play the victim card
I’ve seen this one first hand. In my past relationship, whenever I’d try to express my feelings about something hurtful he had done, he’d quickly turn the tables.
Suddenly, he was the one being attacked. He’d say things like, “You’re always blaming me for everything,” or “You never appreciate the good things I do.”
In retrospect, it was his way of shifting the blame and avoiding any responsibility.
It left me feeling guilty for expressing my feelings and concerns.
It’s a classic move from the narcissist’s playbook.
They’re very good at playing the victim when in reality, they’re the ones causing the harm. It’s a subtle manipulation tactic, but now that I know about it, I can spot it a mile away.
3) They feed off your insecurities
Narcissists have an uncanny ability to sniff out your insecurities, almost like a shark smelling blood in the water.
They then use these insecurities to their advantage, often exploiting them to maintain control in the relationship.
For instance, if you’re insecure about your appearance, they might subtly criticize your looks or compare you to others.
The irony here is, this behavior is usually a projection of their own deep-rooted insecurities.
Their goal? To make you feel lesser, and dependent on their approval.
It’s a cruel game they play, but knowledge is power. Once you’re aware of this, you can start to recognize and counter their tactics.
4) They love the spotlight
Narcissists crave attention, it’s their lifeblood. They love to be the center of attention and will do anything to keep it that way.
Whether it’s dominating conversations or turning every situation into a dramatic spectacle, they’ll make sure all eyes are on them.
And if they feel threatened by someone else taking the limelight? Watch out.
They may resort to belittling others or creating a scene just to divert the attention back to themselves.
It’s exhausting, isn’t it? But once you’re clued in on this behavior, it becomes much easier to manage and counteract.
5) They never apologize
In my experience, I’ve found that narcissists have a remarkable inability to apologize.
It’s as if the words “I’m sorry” are not in their vocabulary.
I remember countless times when I was clearly wronged, but instead of an apology, I’d get excuses or even blame.
It’s a tactic they use to avoid taking responsibility and to maintain their image of perfection.
I’ve learned that expecting an apology from a narcissist is like waiting for a rainstorm in the desert – it’s unlikely to happen.
Understanding this has saved me a lot of heartache and frustration.
6) They can be extremely charming
This might seem surprising, but narcissists can be incredibly charming.
They know exactly what to say and do to make you feel special. This charm offensive is often used at the beginning of a relationship, or when they want something from you.
But don’t be fooled. This charm is merely a tool for manipulation, hiding their true self-serving intentions.
It’s like a smoke screen, designed to blind you from their manipulative tactics.
Recognizing this deceptive charm for what it is, is key to protecting yourself from their manipulation.
7) They’re always right
In the eyes of a narcissist, they’re always right. They have an inflated sense of their own intellect and will often dismiss the opinions and feelings of others.
Engaging in a debate with them can feel like banging your head against a brick wall.
They’ll twist facts, change the topic, or resort to personal attacks just to maintain their stance.
It’s frustrating, to say the least. But understanding this can help you navigate conversations with them, knowing when to engage and when to step back.
8) They lack empathy
At the core of narcissism is a fundamental lack of empathy.
They struggle to understand or share the feelings of others, making it easier for them to manipulate and hurt people without feeling any remorse.
This lack of empathy is a big red flag. It’s what enables them to use the subtle tactics we’ve discussed without batting an eye.
If you notice this trait, tread carefully. It’s a sign you’re dealing with a narcissist who may be manipulating you for their own gain.
Closing thoughts
Having read this far, you’ll have gained a clearer picture of the subtle tactics narcissists use to manipulate those around them.
Remember, it’s not about demonizing them, but rather understanding these behaviors to protect oneself.
Narcissism, at its core, is a personality disorder often rooted in deep-seated insecurities and unhealed trauma.
Knowing this doesn’t excuse their behavior, but it can help us approach these situations with more compassion and wisdom.
It empowers us to set boundaries, to know when to walk away, and most importantly, to not let their manipulation define our self-worth.
So, as you navigate your relationships, keep these signs in mind.
And remember, it’s okay to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being over maintaining a relationship that ultimately brings you pain. It’s not selfish, it’s self-care.
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