7 subtle behaviors of popular people with many friends, says psychology

For years, I found myself standing on the fringes of social groups.

You know the scenario:

– Awkward small talk

– Feeling left out

– Few genuine connections

– Always the last one to be invited.

And to be part of a group without feeling like I am an outsider.

At my lowest point, about a decade ago, I was far from being that popular guy with many friends.

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit, and back then, I was just a shy guy with a passion for psychology. My social calendar was as empty as a desert, and my phone rarely buzzed with new messages or invite notifications.

During that time, I dealt with loneliness, self-doubt, and a lot of overthinking.

I felt like I was stuck in a rut. I was just another face in the crowd and felt incredibly alone.

But then things changed when I delved deeper into my passion for psychology and discovered these 7 subtle behaviors popular people with many friends exhibit.

In this article, I’m going to share these behaviors. Hopefully, they can help you as much as they helped me.

Let’s dive in.

1) Active listening

The first subtle behavior that made a significant difference in my social life was active listening.

It’s a simple concept, yet for someone who was often stuck in his own thoughts during conversations, it was a game changer.

Active listening taught me to genuinely focus on what the other person was saying, rather than planning my next response in my head. Whether I was at a party or a quiet coffee catch-up, active listening helped me forge deeper connections with people.

I learned to show interest in their stories and feelings. I started using body language to demonstrate my engagement, like nodding and maintaining eye contact. Slowly, I noticed people were gravitating towards me more.

It was like I had cracked the code of being genuinely liked by people.

If you’ve been feeling like an outsider or overlooked in social situations, try this approach: next time you’re in a conversation, really listen. Pay attention to the words, the emotions behind them.

When it’s your turn to respond, reflect back on what they’ve said or ask a thoughtful question. This simple behavior was my first step towards becoming a more likable person.

2) Empathy

The second behavior that transformed my social life was empathy.

It was far from easy, considering I was someone who was often wrapped up in his own world. Yet, it turned out to be a significant key to building genuine friendships.

Empathy pushed me beyond just listening to actually understanding and feeling what others were going through. It opened up a new way of connecting that was deeper and more meaningful.

I recall a time when a close friend shared about his struggles at work. Instead of offering advice or trying to fix the problem, I just empathized. I told him, “That sounds really tough, and it’s completely okay to feel this way.” The relief on his face was palpable – he felt heard and understood.

Dr. Carl Rogers, a renowned psychologist once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good!”

Practicing empathy helped me embody what Dr. Rogers described. People started to feel good around me because they felt seen and heard.

So if you’ve been struggling with making genuine connections, try empathy: really understand what the other person is feeling and communicate that understanding back to them.

This behavior became the cornerstone of my journey towards building rich and meaningful relationships.

3) Authenticity

The third behavior that changed my social dynamics was authenticity.

It might sound cliché, but for a guy who was often trying to fit in by mimicking others, being genuine was a breath of fresh air.

Authenticity taught me to be comfortable with my true self, quirks and all. I stopped trying to be someone I wasn’t just to impress others. I started showing up as the real Lachlan – a psychology enthusiast with an undeniable love for good coffee and 80s rock music.

I remember a time when I was at a social gathering and everyone was discussing the latest sports games – a topic I had no interest in. Instead of nodding along and pretending to understand, I steered the conversation towards psychology and human behavior.

To my surprise, people were genuinely interested and that sparked an engaging conversation that lasted hours.

Being authentic made me realize that I didn’t need to pretend to be someone else to be liked. People appreciated my honesty and unique perspectives which made me more likable.

If you’re trying to fit into social circles by suppressing your true self, give authenticity a shot: Be yourself unabashedly. Show people who you are and what you love. You’ll be surprised at how much people appreciate this honesty and how it can make you more likable.

4) Positivity

The fourth behavior that had a profound impact on my social life was positivity.

For a long time, I was the guy who often focused on the negatives and complained a lot. However, embracing a positive outlook on life turned things around for me.

Positivity taught me to focus on the brighter side of things and to express more gratitude. I started to appreciate the little things in life and shared this appreciation with others. I noticed that my conversations became lighter, more enjoyable, and people were more drawn to me.

I remember when I started practicing positivity in my daily life. Instead of complaining about the long line at the coffee shop, I would strike up a conversation about how great the coffee is at this place. This shift in attitude not only made my day brighter but also made others feel good around me.

If you’re often caught in a cycle of negativity, try embracing positivity: Focus on the good things in life and share your positive outlook with others. Not only will you feel better, but you’ll also attract more people into your life.

5) Confidence

The fifth behavior that significantly changed my social standing was confidence.

As someone who often doubted myself and my worth, gaining confidence was a huge step forward.

Confidence taught me to believe in myself and my abilities. Instead of shying away from conversations or doubting my input, I started to voice my opinions and share my ideas. I noticed that people respected me more and were more interested in what I had to say.

I remember when I first started implementing this change. I was at a social event, and there was a discussion about mental health – a topic I am passionate about. Instead of keeping quiet like I usually would, I shared my insights and experiences.

The response was overwhelming; people appreciated my input and started seeing me as a valuable part of their circle.

Confidence doesn’t necessarily mean being the loudest person in the room; it’s about knowing your worth and not being afraid to express yourself.

If you’ve been holding yourself back due to lack of confidence, give this a try: start by acknowledging your strengths and contributions. Believe in your worth, and others will too. This behavior was crucial in making me a more popular figure in my social circles.

6) Non-judgmental attitude

The sixth behavior that shaped my social relationships was adopting a non-judgmental attitude.

As someone who was often quick to make assumptions about others, learning to withhold judgments was a significant transformation.

This attitude taught me to accept people as they are, with their strengths and weaknesses. I stopped jumping to conclusions based on first impressions or hearsay and started giving people the benefit of the doubt.

I remember an incident when a new colleague joined our team. Rumors about his tough personality were already making rounds. Instead of forming an opinion based on what others said, I chose to keep an open mind. As I got to know him, I realized he was nothing like the rumors suggested.

Renowned psychologist Albert Ellis once said, “The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”

Adopting a non-judgmental attitude allowed me to embody this wisdom. I stopped blaming others or judging them for my problems and started taking control of my destiny.

If you find yourself often judging others or being influenced by others’ opinions, try this: Keep an open mind and make your own judgments based on personal interactions. This approach made me a more accepting and popular person in my social circles.

7) Being comfortable with solitude

The seventh and final behavior might sound counterintuitive, but it was a vital piece of the puzzle for me. It was learning to be comfortable with solitude.

As someone who was always seeking company and validation from others, embracing solitude felt odd at first. But it taught me the importance of self-love and self-reliance.

Being comfortable with my own company helped me understand myself better. It boosted my self-confidence, made me more independent, and surprisingly, it made me more attractive to others. People respect individuals who are comfortable in their own skin and don’t need constant validation.

I remember the first time I decided to dine out alone. Initially, it felt awkward, but as I started enjoying my own company, I noticed a shift in my attitude. I felt more confident, more at peace with myself.

And interestingly, this newfound confidence began reflecting in my social interactions too.

So here’s a practical tip: Start spending some quality time with yourself. It could be anything you enjoy – reading a book, going for a walk, or even dining out alone.

Learn to appreciate your own company. It’s a crucial step towards becoming a more likable person because when you’re comfortable with yourself, others will be too.

Conclusion

In my journey from feeling like an outsider to becoming a well-liked person with many friends, these seven behaviors played a crucial role. They helped me transform my social interactions and build meaningful relationships.

But remember, becoming likable doesn’t happen overnight. It requires consistent practice and self-awareness. Start small – pick one behavior you want to work on and gradually incorporate the others.

Also, keep in mind that it’s not about pleasing everyone. It’s about being genuine, respectful, and kind to everyone you meet. People are drawn to authenticity, positivity, and empathy. So, be yourself, show genuine interest in others, and the rest will follow.

Remember, the goal is not to win popularity contests but to create authentic connections. So keep practicing these behaviors and watch your social life transform. You’ve got this!