7 subtle behaviors of highly likable individuals, according to psychology

For a long time, I was baffled.

Why did some people magnetically draw others towards them, while others, like me, often got overlooked?

– Genuine likability

– Effortless social interactions

– Deep, meaningful connections

These were the things I craved but seemed to always fall short of achieving.

In my early 30s, I was your typical introverted psychology enthusiast. I was the founder of Hack Spirit, but my social skills were nothing to write home about. I found it challenging to form rewarding relationships and often felt unnoticed in a crowd.

I was stumped until I stumbled upon 7 subtle behaviors that psychological research suggested were common in highly likable individuals.

In this article, we will delve into these behaviors. And who knows? They might just change your social life as much as they did mine.

Let’s dive in.

1) Genuine Interest

The first behavior that struck me was an authentic interest in others.

It might seem obvious, but it was a game-changer for me. People who are highly likable are genuinely interested in those around them. They engage in conversations with a true desire to understand, not just to respond.

I realized I was often preoccupied with what I would say next, rather than really listening to what the other person was telling me.

Shifting my focus from myself to the other person made a world of difference. I started to connect on a deeper level, and people responded positively to my genuine interest.

If you’re finding it hard to connect with others, try this: next time you’re in a conversation, really focus on the other person. Listen to their words, observe their body language, and respond with thoughtful comments or questions.

This subtle change can make a big impact on how others perceive you.

2) Empathy

The second behavior that caught my attention was empathy.

Highly likable people have an uncanny ability to understand and share the feelings of others. They can put themselves into another person’s shoes, making others feel truly seen and heard.

I remember a time when I was having a particularly rough day at work. A friend of mine noticed my low spirits and rather than offering advice or trying to fix things, he simply said, “That sounds really tough, Lachlan. I’m here for you.”

It struck me then how powerful empathy can be. It helps us connect with others on a deeper level, fostering a sense of camaraderie and understanding.

The renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.”

And he was absolutely right. It does feel good to be understood. So why not make the effort to understand others? This simple act could be your ticket to becoming a more likable individual.

3) Positivity

The third behavior that highly likable individuals exhibit is an infectious positivity.

They have an optimistic outlook on life, and their enthusiasm tends to rub off on those around them. It’s not about ignoring the negatives, but rather focusing on the positives.

I remember once, I had a big presentation coming up at a work meeting. I was nervous and anxious, continuously harping on all the things that could go wrong.

A colleague of mine noticed my anxiety and said, “Lachlan, try to focus on what could go right. You’ve prepared well, and you know your stuff.”

That shift in perspective had an immediate effect on me. Instead of being weighed down by worry, I felt motivated and ready to take on the challenge.

It taught me a valuable lesson: positivity attracts people. When we focus on the good, it not only uplifts our own spirits but also those of the people around us.

4) Emotional intelligence

The fourth behavior that highly likable people exhibit is high emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence, abbreviated as EQ, refers to the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as those of others.

I’ve always been intrigued by the power of emotional intelligence, and its impact on likability was a revelation for me.

There was a time when I found myself in conflict with a co-worker.

Instead of letting emotions run high, I took a step back, recognized my feelings, and addressed the issue calmly and rationally. This helped diffuse tension and led to a productive conversation.

Interestingly, a study conducted by TalentSmart found that 90% of top performers have high EQ. Why? Because people with high EQ are adept at managing their own emotions and navigating social situations.

So next time you’re in a difficult situation, remember to take a moment to identify what you’re feeling and why. This emotional awareness can greatly improve your interactions with others.

5) Genuine compliments

The fifth behavior is something everyone can easily implement: giving genuine compliments.

Highly likable people are generous with praise. They recognize and appreciate the strengths and accomplishments of others and aren’t shy about expressing it.

I remember an instance when a team member had done an excellent job on a project. Instead of just thinking it, I made it a point to tell them how impressed I was with their work. The smile on their face was priceless, and the positive energy that resulted strengthened our working relationship.

The key here is authenticity. Empty flattery can often be seen through, but genuine compliments can lift spirits, build connections, and boost likability. So, take a moment to appreciate the people around you and let them know it. You might be surprised at the impact it has.

6) Active listening

The sixth behavior of highly likable individuals is active listening.

This doesn’t just mean hearing the words that are being spoken. It means truly understanding what is being communicated, both verbally and nonverbally.

I recall a conversation I had with a friend who was going through a hard time. Instead of offering advice or trying to steer the conversation, I just listened – really listened. I noticed a change in their demeanor almost immediately. They seemed to relax, feeling heard and validated.

Famous psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.”

This quote crystallized the importance of active listening for me.

By truly listening to others, we not only gain a deeper understanding of their perspectives but also make them feel valued and respected, which in turn increases our likability.

7) Admitting mistakes

The seventh and final behavior may seem counterintuitive: admitting when you’re wrong.

Highly likable people aren’t afraid to admit their mistakes. They understand that nobody is perfect, and being open about their shortcomings makes them more relatable and trustworthy.

I used to dread admitting when I was wrong, fearing it would make me appear weak or incompetent. But one day, after a noticeable error in a report I had submitted, instead of making excuses, I owned up to my mistake.

To my surprise, my colleagues respected me more for it.

The key here is humility. Acknowledging our mistakes not only shows that we’re human but also demonstrates a willingness to learn and grow.

So the next time you make a mistake, try this: instead of trying to cover it up or shift the blame, admit your error, apologize if necessary, and see it as an opportunity for growth. It might just make you more likable in the process.

Conclusion

Becoming more likable isn’t about pretense or manipulation. It’s about cultivating genuine connections, understanding others, and showing respect.

Remember, change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a gradual process, but every small step brings you closer to being the person you aspire to be.

Start with one behavior. Practice it until it becomes second nature, then move on to the next. Over time, you’ll find that these subtle behaviors become a part of you, enhancing not only your likability but also your overall quality of life.

So go ahead, embrace these behaviors and see how they transform your social interactions. You’ve got this!