If you’ve ever interacted with someone who is polite on the surface but seems to lack genuine kindness, you know it can be a perplexing experience.
Psychology explains that while politeness can be easily displayed, true kindness comes from deep within a person’s character.
You might notice someone always saying the right things, yet their actions or vibe don’t quite match up.
They might always be offering to help, but somehow never seem to be there when you really need them.
Politeness isn’t a bad trait – far from it. But it’s important to distinguish between surface-level courtesy and authentic kindness.
In this article, we’ll delve into the 8 telltale signs that someone is being polite, but not genuinely kind, according to psychology.
Understanding these cues could save you a lot of confusion and disappointment down the line.
1) They’re always agreeable, but rarely helpful
There’s no doubt that a polite person will always agree with you. They might nod along, provide verbal affirmations, and never directly oppose your thoughts or ideas.
But when it comes to actually supporting you in times of need, they might be nowhere to be found.
For instance, they might enthusiastically agree to lend you a hand with moving house, but when the day comes, they’re suddenly busy or simply forgetful.
This discrepancy between words and actions is a key sign of someone being polite but not genuinely kind.
They’re well-versed in saying the right things at the right time, but their lack of follow-through can leave you feeling let down and unsupported.
True kindness is reflected in actions more than in words. Someone who is genuinely kind will not just agree to help, but will also make sure they’re there for you when you need them most.
2) They seem perfect, almost too perfect
You might believe that a polite person is inherently kind. After all, they always have the right thing to say, they’re impeccably mannered, and they never seem to put a foot wrong.
You might even start to think they’re perfect.
But this ‘perfection’ can actually be a red flag. Real people aren’t perfect; they make mistakes, they have flaws, and they don’t always know the right thing to say or do.
And that’s okay because that’s what makes us human.
A person who seems too perfect can be putting on a performance. They might be using politeness as a mask to cover up their lack of genuine kindness.
While they may expertly navigate social situations and always seem to be in control, this doesn’t necessarily mean they possess the empathy, compassion, and understanding that come with genuine kindness.
Don’t let the veneer of perfection fool you. Look beyond the surface to see if their actions align with their words and if their kindness extends beyond mere politeness.
3) They often use flattery
Flattery can be a useful tool for creating a positive impression. A person who frequently compliments others, often excessively or insincerely, might come across as polite and likeable.
When flattery is used excessively, it can sometimes be a sign of manipulation.
People who are polite but not genuinely kind may use flattery to win others over, gain their trust, or get what they want.
In contrast, genuinely kind people offer compliments that are sincere and heartfelt.
They praise others not because they want something in return, but because they truly appreciate the person and their efforts.
While it can feel good to be complimented, it’s essential to discern whether the praise is genuine or merely a tool being used to manipulate your feelings and actions.
4) They struggle with deep conversations
When interacting with someone who is polite but not genuinely kind, you may notice that conversations tend to stay at a superficial level.
They might engage in small talk or general chatter, but when it comes to discussing deeper feelings or more complex topics, they might shy away or change the subject.
It’s not that they’re incapable of understanding or that they don’t care about your feelings. They might just find it challenging to connect on a deeper level.
It can be tough for them to open up or engage in meaningful conversations, especially if it involves vulnerability or emotional expression.
Ggenuine kindness often involves empathy, understanding, and a willingness to connect on a deeper level.
If you notice someone consistently avoiding these kinds of discussions, it could be a sign that their politeness doesn’t extend to genuine kindness.
It’s essential to approach this with understanding and patience, as everyone has their own comfort zones and ways of interacting.
5) They’re always in control
Have you ever noticed how some people always seem to be in control? They’re the ones directing the conversation, deciding where to go for lunch, or choosing the movie to watch. On the surface, this can seem polite.
After all, they’re taking charge so you don’t have to, right?
However, this constant need for control might be a sign that they’re not genuinely kind.
They might be more focused on maintaining their own comfort and control than considering your feelings or preferences.
In contrast, a genuinely kind person often seeks balance in decision-making. They value your opinion and want to make sure everyone feels included and comfortable.
They understand that true kindness involves considering others’ wants and needs, not just their own.
6) They rarely show vulnerability
Remember that friend who always seemed to have it all together? The one who was always cheerful, never had a hair out of place, and seemed impervious to life’s ups and downs?
On one hand, it was admirable how they held themselves together. On the other hand, it was a bit unnerving, wasn’t it?
This lack of vulnerability could be a sign that someone is polite but not genuinely kind. They may keep their guard up, not wanting to show any signs of weakness or flaw.
While this can give off an air of confidence and control, it can also create a barrier that prevents deeper connections.
Genuine kindness often involves showing vulnerability – being open about our flaws and struggles. It’s about connecting with others on a human level and showing empathy towards their experiences.
If someone seems too polished and never shows any vulnerability, they may be more focused on maintaining an image than on being genuinely kind.
7) They’re not there when it counts
It’s easy for someone to be polite when everything is going well. They’re the first to congratulate you on your success, they’ll happily join in the celebrations, and they always seem to be around when times are good.
But what happens when things get tough? When you’re going through a rough patch or facing a crisis, do they stick around?
Or do they suddenly become unavailable, too busy, or just disappear until the storm has passed?
This is a hard truth to swallow but an important one. Genuine kindness means being there for others, even when it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable.
It means standing by your side during the rough times, not just the good ones. If someone’s politeness fades away in times of hardship, it may be a sign that their kindness isn’t genuine.
8) Actions speak louder than words
Above all, remember this: actions speak louder than words.
Someone might have all the right words, the perfect manners, and the most charming smile.
But if their actions don’t align with their words, it’s a strong sign that their politeness might not be backed by genuine kindness.
Genuine kindness is not just about being nice to someone’s face.
It’s about showing empathy, understanding, and love through actions.
It’s about being there for someone when they need you, respecting their feelings and boundaries, and treating them with the same care and consideration you’d want for yourself.
So pay attention to a person’s actions more than their words. It’s the most reliable way to discern whether someone is just polite or genuinely kind.
Conclusion
Navigating human interactions is a complex task—we all have our unique ways of expressing our feelings and intentions.
It’s essential to remember that politeness doesn’t always equate to genuine kindness, as we’ve explored in this article.
Understanding these signs can help you discern the depth of someone’s kindness beyond their polite demeanor. But remember, we’re all human, and we all have our off days.
It’s important not to rush to judgments but rather observe patterns over time.
Remember, time spent building meaningful relationships is never wasted. And recognizing genuine kindness is a step towards fostering these relationships.
Here’s to understanding others better, appreciating genuine kindness when we see it, and striving to be genuinely kind ourselves.
Because at the end of the day, genuine kindness makes the world a brighter place.
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