Earning your children’s respect isn’t about enforcing rules or asserting authority—it’s about the way you nurture the relationship over time.
As kids grow older, they develop their own perspectives, and maintaining their respect becomes less about what you say and more about what you do.
Certain habits, often practiced without realizing their impact, can erode that bond. If you want your children to truly respect and value you as they grow, it’s essential to let go of these behaviors.
Here are the habits you’ll need to say goodbye to for a stronger, lasting connection:
1) Constantly correcting them
As parents, it’s natural for us to want our children to be the best they can be.
This often leads us to constantly correct their behavior or actions.
From how they’re eating their food, to the way they’re sitting or even how they’re playing with their toys.
But guess what? This habit might be doing more harm than good.
Continuous correction can lead to children feeling that they can’t do anything right.
This undermines their confidence and can make them resentful in the long run.
Remember, nobody likes to be corrected all the time—so why would your children be any different?
Instead, try to encourage and empower them, and give them room to make mistakes and learn from them.
2) Overreacting to minor issues
Let me share a personal story: There was a time when I would fly off the handle over the smallest things.
My son forgot to put his toy away? World War III.
My daughter didn’t do her chores? End of the world.
I realized over time that this was creating a tense environment at home and my children started to fear me rather than respect me.
It hit home when one day my daughter hesitated to share something with me because she was afraid I would overreact—that’s when I knew I had to change.
Now, I try to stay calm and handle minor issues with a level head by discussing the problem with my kids in a calm and composed manner while also helping them understand why something is important rather than losing my temper.
The result? Our home is more peaceful and my children feel comfortable discussing their issues with me.
Most importantly, they respect me more for treating them like adults rather than reacting impulsively.
3) Not following through on promises
Promises are a big deal to children—they hold on to them, remember them, and expect us to fulfill them.
According to a study from the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, children as young as three years old can understand the concept of promises and trust.
When we break our promises, it sends a message that our words cannot be trusted.
This can lead to skepticism and doubt in their minds about our credibility.
When you make a promise, ensure you follow through with it.
If for some reason you can’t fulfill it, explain the situation to them honestly.
They’ll appreciate your honesty and respect you more for it.
4) Disrespecting their personal space
Just like us, children too need their personal space.
They have their own world of toys, books, and little secrets.
Respecting their personal space means understanding and acknowledging their need for privacy.
It’s about not snooping around their things or barging into their room without knocking.
When we respect their personal space, we teach them about boundaries.
This not only makes them feel valued but also teaches them to respect others’ personal space.
Respect is a two-way street—always keep that thought in mind.
5) Neglecting to apologize when wrong
I remember a time when I mistakenly blamed my son for something he hadn’t done—I was stern and even raised my voice.
When I later realized my mistake, it was a blow to my ego.
Admitting we’re wrong isn’t easy—especially to our kids—but I took a deep breath and apologized to him.
The look of surprise and then respect in his eyes was worth the temporary discomfort.
Apologizing when we’re wrong shows our children that we’re human, and it’s okay to make mistakes.
It teaches them humility and honesty, values they will carry with them into adulthood.
Don’t shy away from apologizing; sure, it might be uncomfortable but the respect you gain from your children will be immeasurable.
6) Ignoring their opinions and thoughts
Our children may be young, but they have their own thoughts and opinions.
They see the world in a unique way, and we should take the time to listen to them.
Ignoring or dismissing their opinions can make them feel unimportant and unheard—leading to feelings of resentment and a lack of respect.
Conversely, when we take the time to listen to them, ask for their opinions, and engage in meaningful conversation, we show them that we value their thoughts.
This not only boosts their confidence but also fosters a sense of respect towards us.
After all, who doesn’t respect someone who genuinely listens and values their thoughts?
7) Setting a bad example
As parents, we are our children’s first role models.
They look up to us and often mirror our behavior.
If we want our children to respect us as they get older, the most important thing is to set a good example for them.
This means showing respect to others, being honest, keeping our word, and demonstrating kindness and empathy.
Our actions speak louder than words.
Therefore, the way we behave has a direct impact on how our children perceive us and ultimately, how much they respect us.
Lead by example, and the respect will follow.
Final thoughts: It’s all in the approach
Parenting is a complex journey, filled with challenges, surprises, and profound moments of joy.
One of the most profound aspects of this journey is shaping a respectful relationship with our children.
An article from the University of Minnesota reveals that the quality of the parent-child relationship has a significant impact on the child’s future social and emotional wellbeing.
Eliminating the habits we discussed here can help build a foundation of mutual respect with your children.
But remember, it’s not about being perfect, it’s about improving and learning along the way.
As we navigate this journey, we shape not only our children’s behavior and attitudes but also their perception of us and when we live our lives with respect and integrity, our children are more likely to do the same.
In essence, the key to earning your children’s respect as they grow older lies in your hands.
Reflect on your habits, make necessary changes, and watch how it transforms your relationship with your children.
After all, respect is earned not by authority, but by virtue.
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