If you want to free yourself of your childhood wounds, say goodbye to these 9 habits

Childhood wounds – we all have them, but they’re more than just scraped knees and embarrassing moments.

They’re the deeper, more emotional scars that we carry with us into adulthood, shaping our behaviors and responses.

As an adult, I’ve come to understand that some of my habits are directly linked to these childhood wounds.

And getting rid of these habits is a crucial step towards healing.

But how do you identify which habits are holding you back?

Well, there are some common patterns that can guide us in this journey and in this article, I’m going to share 9 of them with you.

Prepare yourself for a journey of introspection and healing as we dive into these habits that could be keeping your childhood wounds alive.

1) Clinging to the past

Childhood wounds, by their very nature, are rooted in our past. And it’s normal to reflect on past experiences – they shape who we are.

However, there’s a significant difference between reflecting and clinging.

When we cling to the past, we’re not just remembering it – we’re reliving it. We’re letting it dictate our current behavior and future decisions.

If you find yourself constantly dwelling on past hurts and injustices, it might be a sign that you’re carrying around a childhood wound.

This habit of clinging to the past can keep us stuck in a cycle of pain and prevent us from moving forward.

It’s a tough habit to break, but acknowledging it is the first step towards freeing yourself from your childhood wounds.

So, take a hard look at your relationship with your past – are you learning from it or living in it?

2) Always being in self-defense mode

Ever heard of the fight-or-flight response?

It’s a fundamental human survival instinct. When we feel threatened, our body prepares us to either face the danger or run away from it.

However, this instinct isn’t just triggered by physical threats. Emotional threats can set it off too.

And that’s where things get tricky…

When our childhood wounds are deep, we might perceive threats where there aren’t any. A simple disagreement can feel like a personal attack. A minor setback can seem like a massive failure.

As a result, we might find ourselves constantly on the defensive, ready to fight or flee at a moment’s notice.

This constant state of high alert is not only exhausting but also damaging to our relationships.

If you often find yourself in self-defense mode even in non-threatening situations, it might be time to examine whether this is a habit formed from old wounds.

3) Avoiding conflicts

At first glance, this might seem contradictory to the previous point. But here’s the thing:

Not everyone responds to perceived threats with fight or flight. There’s a third response – freeze.

For some of us, the wounds of our past have taught us that conflict is dangerous, and the best way to stay safe is to avoid it altogether. This might manifest as a tendency to stay quiet when you’re upset, or to agree with someone even when you don’t really.

You might find yourself avoiding difficult conversations or backing down quickly when a disagreement arises.

While this can help keep the peace in the short term, it often leads to resentment and misunderstanding in the long run.

So, if you notice a pattern of conflict avoidance in your life, it’s worth considering whether this could be another habit tied to your childhood wounds.

4) People-pleasing

Do you often find yourself going out of your way to make others happy, even at the expense of your own needs and desires?

While it’s great to be considerate and accommodating, there’s a fine line between being kind and being a people-pleaser.

People-pleasing isn’t just about being nice – it’s about seeking approval and validation from others.

It’s a fear-driven behavior, often rooted in the fear of rejection or abandonment.

This habit can stem from childhood experiences where our self-worth was tied to the approval of others.

If we were constantly seeking validation as children, we might carry this behavior into adulthood, turning us into chronic people-pleasers.

The danger in this is that it can lead to a loss of identity as you’re constantly molding yourself to fit the expectations of others.

If this resonates with you, it might be time to examine this habit and its links to your childhood wounds.

5) Carrying negative self-beliefs

Negative self-beliefs – we all have them at times. But when these beliefs become ingrained, they can shape our reality in damaging ways.

Here are some common negative self-beliefs that might be tied to childhood wounds:

• I’m not good enough.
• I don’t deserve happiness.
• People will always let me down.
• I’m unlovable.

These beliefs often stem from painful childhood experiences and they can become the lens through which we view ourselves and the world.

This distorted lens can keep us trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and unhappiness.

Recognizing these negative self-beliefs for what they are – echoes of past hurts – is a crucial step towards healing.

6) Playing the victim

Playing the victim – I know this one all too well.

When we’ve been hurt in the past, especially as children, it’s easy to slip into the role of the victim. The world seems unfair, and we feel powerless to change our circumstances.

I’ve been there. And if you’re reading this, chances are you’ve been there too.

Playing the victim can be comforting in a strange way. It absolves us of responsibility and allows us to feel justified in our misery.

But here’s the truth: it’s not a healthy habit.

When we adopt a victim mindset, we give away our power. We let our past define us and we deny ourselves the chance to grow and heal.

Let’s be clear, acknowledging our pain and hurt is crucial. But it’s equally important that we don’t let ourselves be defined by it.

7) Struggling with boundaries

Picture this: Your friend asks you for a favor. You’re already swamped with work and barely keeping up with your own responsibilities.

But you say yes anyway, because you don’t want to let them down.

Sound familiar?

Struggling to set boundaries is a common sign of unhealed childhood wounds. If our needs and boundaries were ignored or dismissed as children, we might struggle to assert them as adults.

We might fear that setting boundaries will lead to rejection or conflict. So, we end up overextending ourselves to meet the needs of others, often at the expense of our own wellbeing.

So, ask yourself this: Are you often saying yes when you really want to say no? Do you feel guilty for asserting your needs?

If the answer is yes, it’s worth exploring whether this could be another habit tied to your childhood wounds.

8) Getting trapped in perfectionism

I remember staying up late at night as a kid, trying to perfect my school project. It wasn’t enough to just do well – I had to be flawless.

Does that strike a chord?

Perfectionism is often rooted in a fear of failure or a fear of judgment.

As children, we might have learned that making mistakes led to criticism or disappointment. So, we strive for perfection to avoid that pain.

But striving for perfection is like chasing a mirage. It’s unattainable. And the constant pursuit of it can leave us feeling perpetually inadequate and unsatisfied.

Let me share something I’ve learned – it’s okay to strive for excellence, but perfection is an illusion.

It’s okay to make mistakes – they’re opportunities for growth, not evidence of failure.

9) Ignoring your inner child

Here’s the final, and perhaps most crucial point: are you ignoring your inner child?

Our inner child is that part of us that carries our childhood experiences, memories, and feelings. It’s the part of us that was shaped by our earliest experiences.

When we ignore our inner child, we ignore our past. We ignore the wounds that need healing. We ignore the patterns that need breaking.

It’s easy to dismiss our inner child as something insignificant or irrelevant. But doing so only perpetuates our childhood wounds. Acknowledging and nurturing our inner child is a powerful step towards healing.

So, if you’ve been neglecting your inner child, it might be time to give them some attention. It’s not about dwelling on the past, but about understanding it and making peace with it.

What’s next on your healing journey?

Now that we’ve identified some of the habits linked to childhood wounds, you might be wondering: what’s next?

Well, the journey of healing is deeply personal and unique to each individual.

But here are a few suggestions that could guide you:

• Seek professional help: Therapists and counselors are trained to help you navigate your past and facilitate healing.
• Practice self-care: Prioritize your mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing. Remember, it’s okay to put yourself first.
• Connect with others: Sharing your experiences and feelings with trusted friends or support groups can be incredibly therapeutic.

Remember, acknowledging your wounds is the first step towards healing. But it doesn’t end there.

The path to healing is a journey, not a destination. It’s about progress, not perfection.

Take one day at a time. Be patient with yourself. And most importantly, remember that it’s okay to seek help.

As you move forward on this journey, may you find the strength to let go of the past, embrace the present, and look forward to the future with hope and courage.

And always remember: You are not defined by your wounds.

You are defined by how you choose to heal from them.