Getting older comes with wisdom, but it also means we have less time for negative influences in our lives.
Dodging manipulative and toxic people becomes a top priority.
However, we often overlook the fact that our own behaviors can draw these people towards us.
The good news? By recognizing and changing these behaviors, we can keep toxic people at bay.
In this article, I’ll share some of these behaviors that we need to say goodbye to as we age.
You may find some of them surprising, but rest assured, letting go of these habits will make your golden years more peaceful and enjoyable:
1) Trying to please everyone
One of the biggest magnets for manipulative and toxic people is the behavior of always trying to please everyone.
As we age, we realize that it’s impossible to make everyone happy, and that’s okay.
The trouble starts when we continue to bend over backwards for others, even at the expense of our own happiness.
Manipulative individuals can sense this trait and exploit it for their own gain.
They know that a person who is always trying to please will be more likely to comply with their demands or requests.
Recognizing this behavior in ourselves is the first step towards change.
It’s not about becoming selfish or uncaring, but about maintaining a healthy balance between considering others’ feelings and our own.
Remember, it’s okay to say no sometimes as prioritizing your own well-being isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
2) Ignoring your gut instinct
I’ve learned from personal experience that ignoring your gut instinct can lead to encounters with toxic and manipulative individuals.
There was a time when I constantly doubted my instincts: I remember meeting a person who seemed charming and friendly, but something about them just didn’t sit right with me.
I brushed off my gut feeling, assuming I was just being paranoid.
As time passed, this person turned out to be incredibly manipulative; they were always trying to subtly control situations and people for their own advantage.
Had I listened to my instinct, I could have avoided the stress caused by their actions.
As we get older, it’s crucial to trust our intuition more.
It’s there for a reason—our subconscious picks up on cues that our conscious mind may not immediately recognize.
Ignoring your gut feeling can often lead you into the hands of manipulative people who appear charming and friendly on the surface.
3) Suppressing your emotions
When we bottle up our feelings, we often end up compromising our boundaries.
This makes us an easy target for those who seek to control or manipulate for their own gain.
Toxic people thrive on your inability to express your discomfort or disagreement—using guilt trips, blame-shifting, or gaslighting techniques to make you question your own feelings.
Learning how to express your emotions in a healthy manner is a crucial step towards avoiding manipulative individuals.
It’s not about being confrontational, but about asserting your feelings and setting clear boundaries.
Remember, your emotions are valid, and expressing them does not make you weak or irrational.
Quite the contrary, it’s a sign of emotional maturity and strength—by embracing this behavior, you’re less likely to become a magnet for toxic individuals.
4) Holding on to your ego
Buddhism teaches us about the concept of Anatta, or “no-self,” which is the idea that our ego or self is not a permanent and inherent part of us.
It’s a profound concept that, when understood, can dramatically change how we interact with the world.
In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego“, I delve into this concept in detail.
The truth is, our ego often attracts toxic individuals.
Why? Because manipulative people feed off those who need constant validation and approval.
When we’re driven by our ego, we’re more likely to fall into their traps of manipulation and control.
Our need for external validation makes us susceptible to their flattery and false praise.
But by understanding and embracing the Buddhist concept of anatta, we can reduce the power of our ego.
By letting go of ego-driven behaviors, we become less attractive to manipulative individuals who prey on those insecurities.
5) Being afraid of solitude
There was a period in my life when I was terrified of being alone.
I would fill every moment with social activities or surrounding myself with people, even if they weren’t good for me.
This fear of solitude made me a prime target for toxic and manipulative individuals.
These people saw my fear of loneliness as an opportunity to assert control.
I was so scared of being alone that I tolerated their negative behaviors, convincing myself that bad company was better than no company—that’s a misconception many of us fall into!
We allow toxic individuals into our lives because we’re afraid of the alternative—solitude—but here’s what I’ve learned: Solitude is not synonymous with loneliness.
Embracing solitude gives us time to reflect, understand ourselves better, and grow as individuals.
It’s during these moments of solitude that we can identify toxic behaviors and patterns in our relationships and take steps to address them.
Don’t fear solitude and start seeing it as an opportunity for self-growth and self-realization.
6) Avoiding confrontation
It may seem counter-intuitive, but avoiding confrontation actually attracts toxic and manipulative individuals.
When we constantly sidestep difficult conversations or disagreements, we inadvertently send the message that we’re willing to be walked over.
Manipulative people seize this opportunity to exert control, knowing that we’re likely to remain silent.
However, confronting issues doesn’t mean engaging in heated arguments or conflicts.
It’s about assertive communication—expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a respectful manner without violating the rights of others.
Assertive communication allows us to set clear boundaries, and these boundaries can act as a deterrent for manipulative individuals.
They prefer easy targets—those who won’t stand up for themselves or challenge their behavior.
Learn to express your feelings and stand your ground respectfully.
I know it’s not easy, but it’s a vital step towards a healthier and more peaceful life.
7) Being too trusting
Trust is a beautiful thing, but being too trusting can unfortunately attract manipulative and toxic individuals.
They often take advantage of those who give their trust too easily, using it to manipulate situations to their advantage.
While it’s important to see the best in people, it’s equally crucial to be discerning with our trust.
Not everyone has our best interests at heart, and it’s okay to take time to figure out who does.
Remember that trust is something to be earned, not freely given.
By being cautious with our trust, we can protect ourselves from individuals who might exploit it.
Learning to balance trust with caution isn’t about becoming cynical or suspicious of everyone around us.
It’s about acknowledging the reality that not everyone is trustworthy.
8) Failing to establish boundaries
Above all, the most crucial behavior to address is failing to establish boundaries.
Without clear boundaries, we become easy targets for manipulative and toxic individuals.
Boundaries act as a defense mechanism, signaling to others what we are comfortable with and what we are not.
They are an essential part of our identity and self-respect.
Manipulative individuals thrive in environments where boundaries are unclear or non-existent.
They exploit these situations, using them to control and manipulate for their own gain.
Establishing and maintaining firm boundaries isn’t just about saying ‘no.’
It’s about understanding your worth, respecting your own needs, and ensuring others do the same.
Your boundaries are valid—don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
Final thoughts: It’s a journey of introspection
The journey towards avoiding manipulative and toxic individuals is deeply intertwined with our personal growth and self-awareness.
It’s about understanding our own behaviors, recognizing how they might be attracting negativity, and making conscious efforts to change.
This journey often requires us to challenge our own beliefs and step out of our comfort zone.
In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego“, I discuss the importance of self-awareness and introspection in personal growth.
These principles could provide valuable insights into understanding and changing the behaviors we’ve discussed in this article.
As we age, we evolve, and so do our behaviors—some behaviors serve us well while others attract toxicity.
Recognizing the distinction is the first step towards a healthier, happier life.
Remember, change is a process, not an event—it takes time and patience.
With persistence and self-awareness, however, we can say goodbye to behaviors that no longer serve us, paving the way for healthier relationships and a more peaceful existence.
Keep reflecting, keep growing, and most importantly, keep believing in your ability to shape your own life—you are more powerful than you think!
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