7 habits you don’t realize are making you lonelier as a person

Loneliness can creep up on us in the most unexpected ways. It’s not always about being physically alone. Sometimes, it’s the habits we unconsciously cultivate that isolate us from others.

For years, I was surrounded by people but felt profoundly lonely. I couldn’t pinpoint why until I took a hard look at my habits. I was shocked to discover that some of my daily actions were contributing to my isolation.

Here are seven habits you might not even realize are making you feel lonelier as a person.

1) Seeking validation instead of connection

In our digital age, it’s easy to fall into the trap of seeking validation. We post our best moments, our achievements, and our most flattering photos on social media, waiting for the likes and comments to roll in.

But here’s the thing. Validation isn’t the same as connection.

While getting likes can give you a little dopamine hit, it doesn’t provide a sense of belonging or mutual understanding that comes from genuine human connection. This pursuit of validation can create a facade, a carefully curated image that keeps others at arm’s length.

I was guilty of this too. I was constantly sharing my world with others, but I wasn’t really letting them in. The more I sought validation, the lonelier I felt.

The key is to shift the focus from seeking validation to fostering connection. This might mean showing vulnerability and sharing not just your triumphs, but also your struggles and fears. It could mean reaching out to friends not just when you have good news to share, but also when you need a shoulder to lean on.

Stop chasing likes and start cherishing connections. Be real. Be you.

2) Overvaluing independence

There’s a fine line between self-reliance and isolation, and it’s a boundary that I’ve crossed myself. I used to take pride in my independence, thinking that needing others was a sign of weakness.

But here’s the truth: we are social creatures by nature, wired for connection and community. Trying to do everything alone is not only exhausting—it can also lead to a profound sense of loneliness.

In retrospect, my overemphasis on independence actually isolated me from others. It created a barrier that prevented me from forming authentic relationships and experiencing the joy of shared experiences.

As Brene Brown, a researcher who has spent significant time studying human connection, said, “Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.”

It’s okay to need others. It’s okay to ask for help. Remember, there’s strength in vulnerability and power in the community. So reach out, connect, and let others in.

3) Living in a mental box

As humans, we’re constantly forming beliefs and opinions based on our experiences and societal conditioning. Without realizing it, these beliefs can become mental boxes that limit our potential and disconnect us from others.

This was certainly true for me. I was trapped within the confines of my own thoughts, unable to see beyond my preconceived notions and judgments. It wasn’t until I began the process of dismantling these limiting beliefs that I truly began to connect with others.

A resource that played a crucial role in this transformation is the “Free Your Mind” masterclass with shaman Rudá Iandê. This enlightening journey is designed to help you transcend your mental boxes and foster greater authenticity and freedom in your life.

In this masterclass, Rudá guides participants through exercises that dismantle common myths and pitfalls in the spiritual world. One memorable exercise shows how to overcome self-imposed limitations and embrace your true potential.

This masterclass helped me align my thoughts and actions with my personal values, leading to improved mental clarity and emotional resilience. If you’re interested in breaking free from societal conditioning and embracing your true nature, I encourage you to join the masterclass.

Break out of your mental box. Embrace your authentic self. It’s time to free your mind.

4) Ignoring personal growth

Personal growth isn’t just about acquiring new skills or climbing the corporate ladder. It’s about confronting our fears, challenging our limiting beliefs, and cultivating self-compassion.

For too long, I was ignoring this vital aspect of my life. I was so focused on external achievements that I neglected the inner work necessary for genuine happiness and connection. This neglect left me feeling disconnected from myself and, consequently, from others.

Dismantling the mental boxes I mentioned in the previous point is a significant part of this process. When we ignore our personal growth, we limit our capacity to understand and connect with others on a deeper level. We remain trapped by our fears and insecurities, which only serves to increase our feelings of loneliness.

Personal growth is not a luxury—it’s a necessity for leading a fulfilled, connected life. So I’ll leave you with this question: Are you doing the inner work necessary for genuine connection or are you ignoring your personal growth?

5) Avoiding discomfort

We all have a natural inclination to avoid discomfort. We’d much rather stay in our comfort zones, where things are predictable and familiar. But this avoidance can inadvertently lead to feelings of loneliness.

Here’s why: Real growth and connection often happen in the realm of discomfort. It’s in the face of challenges that we discover our resilience. It’s in the midst of fear that we uncover courage. And it’s in the throes of vulnerability that we truly connect with others.

For a long time, I was avoiding discomfort at all costs. But in doing so, I was also avoiding opportunities for growth and connection. By confronting my fears and stepping into the unknown, I’ve been able to form deeper, more meaningful connections with those around me.

Embracing discomfort is not about seeking out pain or hardship. It’s about acknowledging that it’s a part of life and that it can serve as a catalyst for growth and connection. So step out of your comfort zone. Embrace discomfort. Because in doing so, you’re embracing life itself.

6) Prioritizing productivity over people

We live in a culture that worships productivity. We’re often encouraged to work harder, do more, and be more efficient. But in the rush to get things done, it’s easy to neglect our relationships and our need for social connection.

This was a trap I fell into. I was so focused on my work and my goals that I started to view relationships as distractions or even obstacles to my productivity. This mindset only served to increase my feelings of loneliness.

The reality is, relationships are not a hindrance to productivity—they’re a vital part of a fulfilling life. They provide support, encouragement, and community. They challenge us, help us grow, and add richness and depth to our lives.

We need to shift our perspective from seeing people as distractions to seeing them as valuable contributors to our lives. It’s time we start prioritizing people over productivity. Because at the end of the day, it’s the connections we make, not the tasks we complete, that truly matter.

7) Fearing failure

Failure is often seen as something to be avoided at all costs. But what if I told you that this fear of failure could be contributing to your feelings of loneliness?

I’ve been there myself. For a long time, I was so afraid of failing that I held myself back from taking risks and pursuing my passions. This fear kept me isolated in my comfort zone, away from new experiences and potential connections.

But here’s the thing: Failure is not the enemy. It’s a part of life—a part that can lead us to growth, resilience, and deeper connections with others.

When we fear failure, we limit our opportunities for connection. We prevent ourselves from sharing our struggles and vulnerabilities with others, which are key components for forging authentic relationships.

So don’t shy away from failure. Embrace it. Because with every failure comes an opportunity for growth and connection. Let’s start viewing failure not as a dead end, but as a stepping stone on our journey to a more connected, fulfilled life.

Embracing connection and authenticity

Throughout this article, we’ve delved into the subtle habits that may be increasing your feelings of loneliness. From seeking validation to avoiding discomfort, these behaviors may seem harmless or even beneficial at first glance. But upon closer examination, they can act as barriers to genuine human connection and personal growth.

Embracing connection involves challenging these habits. It requires stepping out of our comfort zones, confronting our fears, and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. It entails prioritizing people over productivity and realizing that failure isn’t a dead end, but a stepping stone to growth and deeper connections.

If you’re ready to dive deeper into these concepts and break free from societal conditioning, I recommend the “Free Your Mind” masterclass with Rudá Iandê. This masterclass, which I was deeply involved in producing, is designed to help you transcend your mental boxes and foster greater authenticity in your life.

In this masterclass, Rudá guides participants through exercises that dismantle common spiritual myths and reveal the power within each of us to overcome self-imposed limitations. It’s a journey towards mental clarity, emotional resilience, and aligning actions with personal values.

By joining this masterclass, you’ll gain practical tools for self-awareness and personal liberation. So why not take that step? Join the masterclass and start your journey towards greater authenticity, freedom, and connection today.

Remember: Connection is not just about being surrounded by people—it’s about being present, authentic, and open. It’s about breaking down the walls we’ve built around ourselves and embracing our shared humanity. And it’s within your reach.