Couples who live together but go days without physical affection usually display these 7 traits, according to psychology

For years, I’ve been fascinated with the complex dynamics of relationships.

You know what I’m talking about:

– The subtle nuances of communication

– The unspoken words hidden behind simple gestures

– The intricate dance of love and affection—or the lack thereof.

As Hack Spirit founder and an avid psychology enthusiast, I’ve spent countless hours exploring the mysterious landscape of human emotions and interactions.

One phenomenon that particularly intrigued me was couples who live together yet go days without any physical affection. It was puzzling, perplexing even.

I mean, how could two individuals share a living space, a life even, yet maintain such an emotional distance?

After much research and observation, I finally managed to identify 7 common traits that these couples usually display.

In this article, I will delve into these fascinating traits. Hopefully, they can help shed some light on this complex issue for you just as they did for me.

Let’s dive in.

1) Lack of emotional intimacy

In my observations, the first common trait among these couples is a striking lack of emotional intimacy.

Now, don’t confuse this with physical intimacy. The two are entirely different.

You see, couples can share a bed, eat at the same table, or even watch TV together but still lack an emotional connection.

This absence of emotional intimacy often manifests itself as a palpable distance between the two individuals. Their interactions are polite, perhaps even friendly, but there’s a certain depth missing.

Conversations rarely venture beyond the mundane day-to-day affairs. There are no shared laughs over an inside joke, no heartfelt discussions about dreams and values, and certainly no outpouring of emotions or vulnerabilities.

In essence, they live together, but they aren’t really living together. They share a physical space but not an emotional one.

If you recognize this trait in your relationship, don’t panic.

Emotional intimacy takes time to build and it starts with open communication. Share your thoughts with your partner without fear of judgment. Encourage them to do the same.

Remember, it’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to let your guard down. After all, isn’t that what love is all about?

2) Lack of effective communication

The second trait I noticed was a significant lack of effective communication. And let me tell you, I’ve been there myself.

In my early relationships, I would often bottle things up, thinking that by not expressing my discontent, I was keeping the peace.

But in reality, it was only driving a wedge between me and my partner.

And I’m not alone in this.

Many couples fall into the trap of avoiding difficult conversations, misunderstanding silence for peace.

But as the famous psychologist Harriet Lerner once said, “An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced way.”

In other words, open and honest communication is key to maintaining not just a healthy relationship, but also a healthy sense of self.

It took me years to realize this and even longer to put it into practice. It’s not easy to expose your vulnerabilities and express your needs openly. But once I started doing it, I noticed a marked improvement in my relationships.

If you’re facing a similar issue, remind yourself that your feelings and needs are valid. Don’t suppress them for the sake of avoiding conflict.

Open dialogue can be uncomfortable, but it’s often the first step towards resolution and understanding.

3) Lack of quality time together

The third trait that’s common among these couples is a noticeable lack of quality time spent together.

I’ve been in a relationship where, despite living under the same roof, we barely spent any meaningful time with each other.

Our schedules were always packed, and the little free time we had was spent catching up on personal interests, or simply unwinding in front of the TV.

At first, it didn’t seem like a big deal. After all, we were both busy people.

But as time went on, I could feel us drifting apart. Our conversations became more superficial, our connection less intense.

It took a heart-to-heart talk for us to realize that we were losing each other in the hustle and bustle of life.

We decided to set aside specific ‘us’ time each week. It could be a simple dinner at home, a walk in the park, or even just sitting and talking about our day.

The change was almost immediate. We became more attuned to each other’s needs and feelings, our bond strengthened.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, try to carve out some dedicated time for your partner. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or elaborate—just something that allows you both to connect on a deeper level.

Remember, it’s not about how much time you spend together, but rather how you spend that time.

4) Increased negativity and criticism

The fourth trait is an increase in negativity and criticism.

I’ve noticed that couples lacking physical affection often resort to negative interactions, such as constant criticism or passive-aggressive comments.

On the flip side, constant criticism and negativity can erode the foundations of even the strongest relationships. It creates a hostile environment where both parties feel unappreciated and undervalued.

I remember a phase in my own relationship when we were both under a lot of stress at work. It seemed like every little thing would spark an argument.

Looking back, I realize it wasn’t the issues at hand but the negativity that was poisoning our relationship.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, try to change the narrative.

Instead of focusing on the negatives, express gratitude for your partner’s efforts. This simple shift in perspective can have a profound impact on your relationship.

5) Emotional disconnection

The fifth trait I’ve observed in these couples is a profound emotional disconnection.

This goes beyond the lack of physical affection or shared activities. It’s a deep, intrinsic disconnect that seeps into all aspects of their relationship.

I remember a period in my own relationship when I felt emotionally detached from my partner.

We were going through the motions of being a couple – living together, eating together, even sleeping in the same bed – but I felt like there was a chasm between us.

This emotional chasm wasn’t due to a lack of love or caring. It was the result of accumulated misunderstandings, unexpressed feelings, and unresolved conflicts that had slowly pushed us apart.

Rebuilding that emotional connection took time and effort. It involved open conversations, honest admissions, and wholehearted forgiveness. But the end result was worth it – a stronger bond and a deeper understanding of each other.

If you’re feeling emotionally disconnected from your partner, don’t ignore it. Seek to understand the root cause and work on addressing it together. It might be difficult, but remember, all good things require effort.

6) Avoidance of physical touch

The sixth trait is an obvious one, but nonetheless important: the avoidance of physical touch.

In one of my previous relationships, there came a point where even the smallest physical contact, like a brief touch on the arm or a hug, became rare. It was as if an invisible wall had sprung up between us.

This isn’t just about sexual intimacy. Hand-holding, hugging, or a simple pat on the back can convey feelings of love and reassurance.

As renowned psychologist Virginia Satir once said, “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”

Physical touch is a fundamental human need. It fosters connection, communicates affection, and provides comfort. When that’s missing in a relationship, it can lead to feelings of alienation and disconnect.

If you’re experiencing this in your relationship, try to reintroduce touch gradually. Start small—a hand on the shoulder or a brief hug—and see how it feels.

Remember, it’s not about grand gestures but small acts that show you care.

7) Overdependence on technology

Finally, the seventh trait might seem counterintuitive at first: overdependence on technology.

You might think that in today’s digital age, technology would bring us closer. We can text, call, video chat at the touch of a button. But in reality, I’ve noticed that it often does the opposite.

I recall a time when instead of talking to each other after a long day at work, my partner and I would retreat into our own digital worlds.

We’d be sitting next to each other on the couch, yet engrossed in our own devices, oblivious to each other’s presence.

Sure, we were physically close, but emotionally, we might as well have been miles apart. The screens in front of us acted as barriers, blocking real conversation and connection.

So here’s a practical tip: Try implementing a ‘no screen’ time each day. It could be during dinner or before bedtime—just a small window of time when you put away all devices and focus on each other.

You’ll be surprised at how such a small change can make a big difference in your relationship.

Conclusion

If you’ve recognized some of these traits in your own relationship, don’t worry—you’re not alone, and it’s not too late to make a change.

The first step is awareness. Identifying these traits is a powerful start. The next step is taking action. Remember, relationships are like gardens—they require consistent care and attention to thrive.

So start small. Implement ‘no screen’ time, express gratitude, or simply spend quality time together. Most importantly, communicate openly and honestly with your partner about how you’re feeling.

As they say, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

So take that step today towards building a healthier, happier relationship. It’s worth it.

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Picture of Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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