10 surprising things most people don’t know about couples who don’t show affection in public, according to psychology

It’s easy to make assumptions about couples who steer clear of public displays of affection (PDA). But, psychology tells a different story.

What if I told you that there’s more than meets the eye with these low-PDA couples? That they might actually be onto something?

In this article, we’re going to explore 10 surprising things most people don’t quite grasp about these seemingly aloof pairings.

Let’s get started.

1) They’re often more secure

You may think couples who shy away from PDA have something to hide, or perhaps they’re just not that into each other. Well, think again.

According to psychology, couples who keep their affection private often have a more secure attachment style.

An attachment style is a psychological term for the way we form bonds with others. Those with a secure attachment style are typically comfortable with intimacy and aren’t preoccupied with their relationships.

In other words, they don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Their love is strong and doesn’t require the validation of public display.

When you see a couple not holding hands or smooching in public, it might just mean their relationship is rock solid, not rocky.

2) They value subtlety

I remember a couple I used to know, let’s call them John and Mary. They never used to show affection in public. No holding hands, no arm around the waist, nothing. It was easy to assume that they were not really connected.

But the more I got to know them, the more I noticed subtle expressions of their affection. Like the way Mary would slightly lean into John when they sat together. Or how John would lightly touch Mary’s back when guiding her through a crowd.

Turns out, couples who aren’t into PDA often have their unique ways of expressing love. It’s not always about grand gestures or obvious affection. Sometimes, it’s the subtle signs that speak volumes about the strength and depth of their bond.

Even if it’s not visible to the outside world, their affection is very much alive and well, just expressed in less obvious ways.

3) They may have different cultural backgrounds

Did you know that public displays of affection can be seen differently across various cultures? In some cultures, showing affection in public is considered normal, even expected. However, in others, it’s frowned upon and seen as inappropriate.

Couples who refrain from public affection may come from or be influenced by these cultures. Their decision to keep affection private might not be a reflection of their feelings for each other, but a cultural norm they choose to respect.

This highlights how important it is not to make assumptions about couples based on their public behavior alone. The world is a diverse place, and so are the ways people express their love.

4) They prioritize communication

While we often associate affection with physical touch, it’s not the only way to express love or maintain a strong bond. Many low-PDA couples excel in one key aspect of relationship health: communication.

These couples often prioritize conversations and mutual understanding over physical gestures of love. They may spend more time talking, sharing, and understanding each other – building a strong emotional connection that doesn’t need to be constantly validated through public displays of affection.

In essence, their love language might be words and shared experiences rather than touch. It’s a reminder that affection comes in different forms and what works for one couple might not work for another.

5) They avoid unnecessary attention

Not everyone is comfortable being the center of attention. For some couples, keeping their affection private is a conscious choice to avoid the spotlight.

These couples prefer to keep their romantic moments between themselves. They find value and intimacy in shared, private moments rather than public ones.

This doesn’t mean they love each other less. It’s simply a reflection of their preference for privacy over public approval or attention. They get to enjoy their relationship in their own way, without feeling the pressure to conform to societal expectations of how a couple should behave in public.

6) They treasure their private moments

Here’s something quite heartfelt to consider. For couples who save their affectionate moments for when they’re alone, these instances can become incredibly special and treasured.

Imagine it: The world outside doesn’t get to see these tender moments. It’s just the two of them, sharing love and warmth in their own private bubble. These moments of intimacy aren’t diluted or shared with the world; they are kept precious and personal.

This approach can make their connection feel even more profound and meaningful. It’s their secret language of love, understood and appreciated only by them. And that, in its own unique way, is incredibly romantic.

7) They have a strong sense of self

Once, I was in a relationship where we rarely showed affection in public. At first, I worried about what others would think. But as time passed, I realized something important.

Both of us had a strong sense of self and independence. We loved being together, of course, but we also maintained our individuality. We didn’t feel the need to constantly be attached at the hip or prove our love to anyone else.

This experience taught me that low-PDA couples often have a strong sense of self and an understanding that their relationship doesn’t define them entirely. They know they’re part of a partnership, but they also maintain their individual identities. It’s a healthy balance that contributes to the longevity and quality of their relationship.

8) Their bond can be stronger

Here’s something that may seem a bit backwards at first. While we often equate public displays of affection with a strong relationship, the absence of PDA doesn’t necessarily imply the opposite.

In fact, psychology suggests that couples who don’t show affection in public might have an even stronger bond. They don’t need to rely on physical touch to feel reassured about their relationship. Their bond is based on mutual respect, trust and emotional connection.

It’s like they’re saying, “We know what we have, and we don’t need to prove it to anyone else.” It’s a level of confidence in their relationship that can actually make their bond stronger.

9) They respect each other’s boundaries

Every individual has their own comfort level when it comes to public displays of affection. For some, it may feel natural and enjoyable, while for others, it can be uncomfortable or even anxiety-inducing.

Couples who don’t show affection in public often have a mutual understanding and respect for each other’s boundaries. They understand that love isn’t just about expressing affection but also about respecting the comfort and preferences of their partner.

This mutual respect and understanding can lead to a healthier and more balanced relationship. They know when to express love and when to give space, which can be a significant factor in relationship satisfaction and longevity.

10) They understand love is more than just physical

Here’s the most important thing to remember about couples who don’t show affection in public – they understand that love is not just about touch or physical closeness. It’s about emotional connection, mutual respect, shared experiences, and understanding.

These couples believe in expressing their love in ways that go beyond physical affection. They connect on a deeper level, nurturing their emotional bond and cherishing the moments they share.

In essence, their love is not dependent on physical expressions but on the strength of their emotional connection. And that’s what makes their bond truly special.