Motherhood brings profound changes, but one of the lesser-discussed shifts is how it can reshape friendships.
Many women find themselves gradually losing touch with friends after having kids, often without realizing it’s happening.
Interestingly, this disconnection isn’t random—it’s linked to specific behaviors that emerge during this life transition.
From prioritizing family needs over social connections to struggling with time management, these patterns can silently erode relationships.
Recognizing these behaviors is the first step to preserving meaningful friendships amidst the chaos of parenting.
1) Prioritizing family time
Having kids is undoubtedly a life-changing event. It introduces a new set of priorities, often with family time taking the top spot.
Many women find themselves in a new world revolving around their children’s needs, from feeding schedules to school routines. This shift in focus can sometimes leave less room for social interactions.
It’s not that they don’t value their friendships anymore. It’s just that the demands of parenting, especially in the early years, can be all-consuming.
While friends are understanding of this change, the constant postponement or cancellation of plans can lead to a gradual drifting apart.
Maintaining friendships after having kids isn’t about choosing between your kids or your friends. It’s about finding a balance that works for you.
2) Struggling with time management
I remember when I first became a mom, I was astounded by how much time everything took. Something as simple as getting ready to go out became an hours-long event.
Between feeding, changing, packing a diaper bag, and trying to fit in a nap (for the baby, though I could’ve used one too), I felt like my day evaporated before it even began.
It wasn’t long before this time crunch started affecting my social life. I’d make plans with friends, but more often than not, something would come up that required my attention at home.
Over time, this struggle with time management led to fewer invitations and eventually less contact with some of my friends. It was never intentional – just a side effect of juggling the demands of new parenthood.
3) Experiencing change in interests
Once you become a parent, your interests naturally start to shift. The late-night parties are replaced with early morning cartoon sessions, and discussions about the latest fashion trends turn into talk about the best brand of baby formula.
This transition is part of a larger process known as “matrescence”, a term that captures the profound physical, emotional, and social changes that accompany motherhood.
These changes often involve a redefinition of identity and priorities, which can lead to a sense of disconnect with friends who are not at the same stage in life.
Finding common ground may feel challenging, but maintaining open communication and exploring shared interests can help bridge the gap
4) Feeling overwhelmed
Becoming a parent, especially for the first time, can be incredibly overwhelming. It’s a period of adjustment as you get used to a new routine, lack of sleep, and the responsibility of taking care of a tiny human.
This sense of feeling overwhelmed can be all-consuming and leave little mental energy for socializing. Even when friends reach out, the thought of making conversation or even just leaving the house can feel like an insurmountable task.
It’s important to remember that it’s okay to feel this way, and it’s okay to take time for yourself. But also consider letting your friends in; they can provide a valued support network during this challenging time.
5) Dealing with feelings of isolation
When my first child was born, I was thrilled but also a bit terrified. Suddenly, I found myself at home alone a lot more than I was used to.
My world became a continuous cycle of feedings, diaper changes, and trying to grab a few minutes of sleep whenever possible.
Over time, I began to feel somewhat isolated. Even though I was never truly alone (after all, I had a tiny new companion), the lack of adult conversation and interaction started to weigh on me.
Unfortunately, this feeling of isolation made it even harder to reach out and reconnect with friends. It felt like they were living in a different world, one where I no longer belonged.
The reality is, many new moms experience these feelings. It’s important to recognize them and seek support when needed.
6) Facing logistical challenges
Parenthood comes with a host of logistical challenges. The days of spontaneous meetups and late nights are replaced with carefully planned outings around nap times and feeding schedules.
Add to that the sheer amount of stuff you need to carry for a simple trip to the park, and it’s no wonder that many new parents opt for staying at home instead.
These logistical challenges can make maintaining friendships difficult, as the effort required to meet up can sometimes feel too much.
7) Failing to communicate changes
Perhaps the most significant reason women lose touch with friends after having kids is a failure to communicate the changes they’re experiencing.
It’s not easy to explain the whirlwind of emotions, exhaustion, and joy that comes with parenthood.
Friends may not understand why you’re suddenly unavailable or less responsive. They might feel pushed aside or neglected.
Being open about your new challenges and responsibilities can go a long way in helping friends understand your situation.
It might not solve all issues, but it’s a vital step in maintaining those important friendships.
Final thoughts: The power of understanding and patience
Navigating motherhood while maintaining friendships can sometimes feel like a high-wire balancing act.
The changes in lifestyle, priorities, and even personal interests can create rifts that were once unimaginable.
Yet, it’s important to remember that these shifts are often temporary. As children grow, new mothers gradually reclaim parts of their former lives. Friendships that may have been put on the back burner can be rekindled.
It’s also crucial to recognize that these behaviors and feelings are valid and common. They’re a part of the journey of motherhood, filled with beautiful moments and challenging times.
So whether you’re a new mom finding it hard to keep up with friends or a friend struggling to understand, remember the power of understanding and patience. Life has seasons, and this is just one of them.
In the end, true friendships endure the tests of time and transition, emerging stronger and more meaningful than ever.
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