7 unhealthy behaviors dysfunctional families tend to normalize, according to psychology

Every family has its quirks, but there’s a big difference between quirky and dysfunctional.

The tricky part? When you grow up in a dysfunctional family, it’s easy to believe that certain unhealthy behaviors are just “normal.”

They become so deeply woven into your everyday life that you don’t even question them — until much later.

Maybe you’ve caught yourself thinking, “That’s just how my family is,” or “Everyone deals with this, right?”

But here’s the reality: some of those “normal” behaviors might actually be harming your emotional well-being.

Psychology tells us that families often pass down unhealthy patterns from one generation to the next, sometimes without even realizing it.

The good news? Awareness is the first step to breaking the cycle. Once you spot these behaviors for what they are, you can start to unlearn them.

So, let’s shine a light on seven of the most common unhealthy behaviors that dysfunctional families tend to normalize — and how they might be showing up in your life without you even noticing.

1) Dismissing or invalidating feelings

“We don’t cry in this family,” or “Don’t be so dramatic!”

Sound familiar? This is a classic example of an unhealthy behavior that many dysfunctional families tend to normalize.

Dismissing or invalidating feelings might seem like a way to maintain control and avoid difficult conversations, but in reality, it only suppresses emotions and creates a toxic environment.

When feelings are routinely dismissed or invalidated, family members may start to believe that their emotions are not important, or worse, that there’s something wrong with them for having such feelings.

As Psych Central puts it, “Children experience this as my feelings don’t matter, so I don’t matter. This, of course, damages a child’s self-esteem and causes them to feel unimportant and unworthy of love and attention.”

They may also struggle with expressing emotions in a healthy way later in life.

It’s crucial to remember that everyone has a right to their feelings. They’re a normal part of life and should be acknowledged, not dismissed.

And it’s okay to express these feelings openly – it doesn’t make you dramatic, it makes you human.

By understanding this unhealthy pattern, we can take the first step towards promoting emotional health and open communication within our families.

2) Excessive sarcasm and humor

Laughter is the best medicine, right? Not always.

In a dysfunctional family setting, humor can sometimes take a darker turn and become a tool for disguised criticism or bullying.

Excessive sarcasm, teasing, or making fun of others can often be overlooked as ‘just joking around’. However, when it’s frequent and at the expense of someone’s self-esteem, it’s far from healthy or funny.

This pattern can make the targeted individual feel belittled, embarrassed, or even guilty for not ‘getting’ the joke. It sends out a message that it’s okay to hurt others as long as it gets a laugh.

The key here is balance. Humor is essential and can indeed be a powerful bonding tool in families. But when it crosses the line into disrespect or cruelty, it’s time to reassess its role in the family dynamic.

3) Avoidance of conflict

Conflict is uncomfortable, and it’s something many of us would rather avoid. This becomes an issue when families start to sweep problems under the rug instead of addressing them.

In this environment, family members often learn to suppress their feelings and ignore disagreements.

This might maintain a semblance of peace in the short-term, but it actually hinders the development of critical skills like problem-solving and conflict resolution.

According to research, conflict avoidance can lead to increased stress and resentment in the long run. It’s much healthier to deal with disagreements head-on, in a respectful and constructive manner.

This can help foster trust, understanding, and stronger relationships within the family.

4) Over-dependence

Being there for each other is what families do best. But there is a fine line between being supportive and fostering over-dependence.

It’s natural to lean on family members in times of need. However, when this becomes a constant and individuals are discouraged from making decisions or taking actions on their own, it can hinder personal growth and development.

It’s important to remember that everyone in the family is their own person, with unique strengths, capabilities, and desires. Encouraging independence doesn’t mean you’re withdrawing support or love.

Instead, it’s about empowering each other to confidently navigate life’s challenges whilst knowing that the safety net of familial support is always there.

5) Unfair comparisons

“Your sister always does her chores without being asked,” or “Why can’t you get grades like your cousin?”

Many of us have likely heard such comparisons at some point in our lives. While they might seem harmless or even motivating to some, they can actually breed resentment and create unhealthy competition within the family.

Being compared to others can make us feel as if we’re not good enough as we are, leading to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.

It’s important to remember that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and it’s these differences that make us who we are.

In a healthy family environment, individuals should be encouraged to be the best version of themselves, not a replica of someone else.

6) Lack of personal boundaries

I remember growing up in a house where privacy was a luxury. From shared bedrooms to open-door bathroom policies, personal space was a concept that was often overlooked.

This lack of personal boundaries is another unhealthy behavior that can be normalized in dysfunctional families.

It might seem like a way to promote closeness and transparency, but it can actually lead to feelings of discomfort and a lack of personal autonomy.

Everyone, regardless of their age, has a right to their own physical and emotional space. It’s important to respect these boundaries and teach children the importance of consent and personal space from an early age.

This encourages a sense of self-respect and consideration for others’ boundaries as well.

7) Excusing unacceptable behavior

“No, your uncle didn’t mean to yell at you like that. He’s just stressed from work.”

Sometimes, families can fall into the habit of making excuses for harmful behavior instead of addressing it head-on.

This can send a dangerous message that such conduct is acceptable when it absolutely is not.

Everyone has bad days, yes, but that shouldn’t be a free pass to treat others poorly, especially within a family setting.

It’s crucial to hold each other accountable for our actions and apologize when we’ve done wrong. This helps cultivate respect and empathy, and sets up a standard of behavior that promotes a healthier family environment.

Wrapping up

Recognizing these unhealthy behaviors is just the first step. The most important thing to remember is that change is possible, no matter how deeply ingrained these patterns may seem.

It won’t be easy, and it won’t happen overnight. It may require some tough conversations and a lot of patience.

But every step taken towards breaking these unhealthy norms is a step towards creating a healthier, happier family environment.

Always remember, it’s never too late to make a positive change in your family dynamics. And you don’t have to do it alone – help is available, whether it’s through therapy, counseling, or support groups.

You have the power to break the cycle and create a better future for your family.