We’ve all seen it, heck, some of us have been it – the person who, despite having the best intentions, seems to always make the worst relationship choices.
As Tina Fey, founder of the Love Connection blog and a self-confessed relationship guru, I’ve come to realize that there are specific types of people who are more susceptible to this cycle of poor relationship decisions.
Psychology backs this up too. There are eight types of people who tend to stumble and trip in the love department more often than others.
In this article, we’ll peek into these personalities and delve into why they’re more prone to making unsuitable relationship choices.
Remember, self-awareness is the first step towards breaking any undesirable pattern. Let’s dive in!
1) The people pleaser
We’ve all come across the people pleasers in our lives. They’re the ones who would bend over backwards to avoid any form of conflict or discomfort.
In psychology, the term “people pleaser” is often associated with individuals who have an excessive need for approval and validation. They’re the ones always looking to make others happy, often at the expense of their own happiness.
When it comes to relationships, this trait can lead to a pattern of unhealthy choices.
Why? Because these individuals are more likely to prioritize their partners’ needs and desires over their own. This can result in them tolerating unacceptable behavior or finding themselves in unfulfilling relationships.
People pleasers are often caught in a cycle of picking partners who take advantage of their accommodating nature.
Awareness is key here. If you identify as a people pleaser, it’s crucial to recognize this pattern and work on establishing healthy boundaries in your relationships.
After all, a relationship should be about mutual respect and compromise, not one-sided sacrifices.
2) The eternal optimist
Ah, the eternal optimists, I have a soft spot for them. They’re the ones who always see the glass as half full, who believe in the goodness of people and the world.
Psychology tells us that these individuals are often prone to making poor relationship choices.
Their unwavering optimism can blind them to red flags and warning signs. They tend to believe that love can conquer all and that any issues or problems can be overcome with enough positivity.
As Audrey Hepburn once beautifully put it, “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible!'”.
It’s a quote I adore and often share with my clients. But when it comes to relationships, this level of optimism can sometimes lead to unhealthy situations.
Eternal optimists may find themselves sticking around in toxic relationships, convinced that their love and positivity will eventually bring about change.
But remember, while optimism is a beautiful trait, it’s also important to recognize when a situation or relationship isn’t beneficial for you. Balance is key.
So my dear optimists, by all means, keep your rose-colored glasses on, just remember to take them off once in a while to check if the roses aren’t actually thorns!
3) The codependent
Now we get to a type that’s near and dear to my heart – the codependents.
Codependency is a behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.
Through my years of working with individuals and couples, I’ve seen how codependency can lead people into making repeated poor relationship choices. They often find themselves drawn to partners who need “fixing”, entering a cycle of emotional exhaustion and dissatisfaction.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into this issue in-depth. I share personal experiences and professional insights to help you understand the roots of codependency and how to break free from its clutches.
If you identify with this type, it’s essential to remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s perfectly okay, and necessary, to prioritize your own emotional wellbeing.
Love should never come at the cost of losing oneself.
4) The high achiever
This one might seem counterintuitive, but high achievers can often make poor relationship choices.
Yes, you heard it right, those who excel in their careers and other aspects of life may sometimes struggle when it comes to love.
High achievers are driven, ambitious, and successful. They’re used to being in control and calling the shots. But when it comes to relationships, these traits can sometimes backfire.
They may unconsciously choose partners who are less successful or driven, creating an imbalance in the relationship. Or they may neglect their personal life in favor of work, leading to strained relationships.
Remember, a relationship should be a partnership. It’s not about who’s more successful or who’s in control. It’s about mutual respect, love, and support.
So high achievers, take note! Your drive and ambition are commendable, but don’t let them cloud your judgment when it comes to choosing a partner. Balance is the key to a successful relationship!
5) The hopeless romantic
Next up are the hopeless romantics. They’re the dreamers, the ones who believe in fairy-tale endings and love at first sight.
Unfortunately, being a hopeless romantic can sometimes lead to less than ideal relationship choices. Their desire for that perfect romance can blind them to reality and they may overlook glaring issues or incompatibilities in their quest for ‘the one’.
I have to confess, I used to be a hopeless romantic myself. I would get swept up in the idea of love and often ignored the warning signs.
But over the years and through my work with clients, I’ve learned that real love isn’t about grand gestures or picture-perfect moments. It’s about kindness, understanding, and mutual respect.
To all the hopeless romantics out there, keep dreaming, but remember to keep your feet on the ground too.
Real love is beautiful, but it’s also messy and complicated. And that’s okay!
6) The insecure
It’s time for some raw honesty. Insecurity can lead us down a path of poor relationship choices.
When we don’t feel good about ourselves, when we’re riddled with self-doubt, we’re more likely to settle for less than we deserve.
Insecure individuals often find themselves in relationships where they’re undervalued or disrespected. They might stay in these relationships out of fear of being alone or because they believe they can’t do any better.
It’s a tough cycle to break, but it starts with self-love and self-respect. You are enough, just as you are. You deserve to be with someone who values you, who respects you, and who treats you with kindness.
Remember, the relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life.
So let’s work on making that relationship a healthy and positive one.
7) The rescuer
Meet the rescuers.
They’re the ones who feel a deep-seated need to help, to rescue, to fix. They often find themselves drawn to partners who are struggling with personal issues, believing that their love can help them overcome their problems.
I’ve met many rescuers in my line of work. They’re compassionate, empathetic, and full of good intentions. But they often end up in draining, one-sided relationships.
As Albert Einstein wisely said, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
Sometimes, you can’t fix others’ problems, no matter how much you want to. And it’s not your responsibility to do so.
So to all the rescuers out there, remember, it’s okay to offer support and love, but you can’t pour from an empty cup.
It’s okay, and necessary, to prioritize your own well-being too.
8) The fear-driven
Finally, we have the fear-driven individuals.
These are the ones who let their fears guide their relationship choices. Fear of being alone, fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough – these can all lead to settling for relationships that are less than fulfilling.
Raw honesty time: living in fear is no way to live at all. It can trap you in cycles of unsatisfactory relationships and prevent you from experiencing true love and happiness.
Fear can be powerful, but so is love. So is self-respect. So is courage. Remember, everyone deserves love and happiness, including you.
It’s okay to be scared, but don’t let your fears dictate your life. You are stronger than your fears. And you deserve a relationship that brings you joy, not anxiety.
Wrapping up
So there you have it, eight types of people who often find themselves making less than ideal relationship choices.
Whether you identified with one or several of these types, remember, awareness is the first step towards change.
If you’re looking to break free from these patterns and create healthier relationships, I encourage you to check out my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s a comprehensive guide that offers practical advice based on personal experiences and professional insights.
Remember, everyone deserves love and happiness. And with self-awareness, self-love, and the right tools, you can create healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Here’s to making better choices in love!
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