8 surefire ways to get over your ex almost instantly, according to psychology

Breaking up is hard to do. We’ve all been there, including yours truly, Tina Fey, founder of the Love Connection blog.

You’re left heartbroken, questioning how you’ll ever move on. But here’s the thing – you can and you will.

There’s a big difference between moping around and actively working to get over your ex. It’s about choice. You can either let your past relationship define your future or you can take steps to move forward.

According to psychology, there are certain ways to speed up your recovery process. I’ve gathered eight surefire methods that will help you get over your ex almost instantly.

These aren’t manipulative tactics; they’re healthy coping mechanisms designed to help you regain control of your life and emotions.

So let’s dive in, shall we?

1) Embrace the pain

Breakups are tough, there’s no two ways about it. And as much as we’d like to skip the heartbreak and move straight on to the healing, that’s not how our minds work.

Welcome to the concept of emotional acceptance.

Emotional acceptance is a psychological principle that encourages us to acknowledge and accept our feelings instead of trying to suppress or ignore them.

It’s based on the idea that attempting to avoid painful emotions only gives them more power over us.

Think about it. How many times have you tried to pretend you’re okay when you’re not, only to end up feeling worse?

When faced with a breakup, many people try to avoid the pain by distracting themselves or jumping into a new relationship almost instantly.

But psychology suggests that the fastest way to heal is actually to lean into the pain and allow yourself to feel it.

So if you’re trying to get over an ex, don’t shy away from your feelings. Accept them, understand them, and remember – it’s okay not to be okay.

Feel the pain, then let it go when you’re ready. That’s your first step towards moving on.

2) Cut off contact

I know, I know. This is easier said than done.

We’ve all been there, tempted to send a late-night text or scroll through old photos. But trust me, as someone who has been through her fair share of breakups, the “out of sight, out of mind” approach truly works.

In psychology, this is referred to as stimulus control. The idea is that by limiting exposure to triggers – in this case, your ex – you can reduce the emotional response those triggers produce.

It’s like the wise words of Oscar Wilde: “The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it… at once.” Except, in this case, we’re yielding by removing the temptation altogether.

So clear out your ex’s stuff, delete their number, and unfollow them on social media. It might seem harsh, but it’s a necessary step in your healing process.

Trust me on this one – future you will thank you.

3) Find your independence

After a breakup, it’s normal to feel a bit lost. You’ve been part of a team for so long that suddenly being on your own can be quite jarring.

But here’s the thing – being single gives you the perfect opportunity to discover who you are outside of a relationship.

This is something I discuss in-depth in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. I believe that the key to moving on is finding and embracing your independence.

Take this time to focus on yourself. Start that project you’ve been putting off, take up a new hobby, and spend time with friends and family. Do things for you.

You are a whole person on your own, and a relationship should complement your life, not complete it. By focusing on your personal growth and independence, you’ll find that moving on becomes a natural part of the process.

And who knows? You might even come out the other side stronger and more self-assured than ever before.

4) Enjoy the positives of your breakup

Yes, you read it right.

While breakups are often painted as wholly negative experiences, they do come with certain upsides. It may sound counterintuitive, but focusing on the positives can greatly aid your recovery process.

In psychology, this is known as cognitive reframing. It’s a strategy that involves changing your perspective to see a situation in a more positive or beneficial light.

Here’s the thing – every relationship, even the ones that end, teaches us something. Maybe you’ve learned more about what you want (or don’t want) in a partner, or perhaps you’ve discovered new things about yourself.

So go ahead and appreciate the freedom that comes with being single. Enjoy having the bed to yourself, making decisions without having to consult anyone else, and spending more time with friends and family.

5) Surround yourself with support

In the aftermath of a breakup, it’s all too easy to isolate yourself and wallow in your sorrows.

But from my own personal experience, I can tell you that surrounding yourself with a strong support network is a vital part of the healing process.

This is about leaning on the people who care about you. Friends, family, and even your favorite pet can all provide comfort and help you keep things in perspective.

When I went through a particularly tough breakup, it was my friends who kept me sane. They were there to listen, offer advice, and even just sit in silence with me when words were too hard to find.

6) Allow yourself to grieve

I won’t sugarcoat it – breakups are a form of loss and grieving is a natural part of the process. In fact, it’s essential.

Psychologists often equate the end of a relationship to experiencing a death. The person you shared your life with is no longer present in the way they used to be, and that’s a tough pill to swallow.

Grief isn’t linear and it doesn’t come with a set timeline. Some days you’ll feel fine, others you’ll feel like you’re back at square one. And that’s okay.

What’s important is that you allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up. Sadness, anger, confusion, even relief – they’re all valid.

It’s raw and it’s hard, but it’s part of the journey towards healing.

By accepting and experiencing your grief instead of trying to rush through it, you’re giving yourself the best chance at a healthy recovery.

7) Keep a gratitude journal

Now, this may sound a little cliché, but stick with me. One practice that helped me profoundly during my own breakups was keeping a gratitude journal.

This is a concept backed by positive psychology.

The idea is simple – each day, you write down things for which you are grateful. It could be something big, like a supportive friend, or something small, like your morning coffee.

The act of focusing on the positive aspects of life can shift your perspective and lift your mood.

As Oprah Winfrey once said, “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”

So give it a try. Start each day by jotting down three things that make you feel grateful. You’ll be surprised by how this simple act can make a big difference in your healing process.

8) Accept that moving on takes time

Here’s the raw truth – there’s no magic formula for getting over an ex instantly. Healing is a process, and it’s different for everyone.

This reminds us that everyone’s experience and recovery timeline will vary, and that’s okay.

You might have moments where you feel like you’ve taken two steps forward only to take three steps back. You might have days where you feel like you’re not making any progress at all. This is normal.

So be patient with yourself. Give yourself the grace and time you need to truly heal.

After all, it’s not about how quickly you can move on, but how well you can move on when you’re truly ready.

Conclusion

Healing your heart is a journey, not a destination. And while these eight steps can help guide you through the process, remember that it’s okay to take it at your own pace.

As I discuss in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, healing is personal, and there’s no right or wrong way to do it.

It’s not about how quickly you can move on, but how well you can move on when you’re truly ready.

And with these steps and a little patience, you’ll get there. After all, every end is just a new beginning in disguise.