Narcissists have a way of exploiting the kindness and generosity of others, often in ways so subtle that their actions go unnoticed until it’s too late.
They prey on the goodwill of kindhearted individuals, using manipulation and charm to fulfill their own needs while leaving the other person emotionally drained.
According to relationship experts, like myself, recognizing these tactics is essential to protecting kind people from being taken advantage of.
In this article, we delve into eight of these subtle tactics—I’ll lift the veil on the narcissist’s playbook, so people can guard their heart and maintain their boundaries:
1) The guilt trip
Narcissists have a knack for making people feel guilty, even when they haven’t done anything wrong.
It’s a subtle and effective strategy they employ to maintain control and get their way.
Consider this scenario: Their partner has been planning a night out with their friends, something they’ve been looking forward to all week, but the narcissist in their life suddenly needs their help with something the narcissist could easily do themselves.
They might say something like, “Sure, go have fun. I’ll just be here all alone.”
This is designed to tug at people’s heartstrings, to make them feel guilty for prioritizing their own needs.
It’s not always easy to recognize this tactic, especially as narcissists are skilled at playing the victim—but understanding this can empower people to stand their ground and draw clear boundaries.
2) Showering people with compliments
It seems counterintuitive, doesn’t it?
After all, who doesn’t enjoy receiving compliments?
But when it comes to narcissists, what seems like flattery can actually be a calculated move.
Narcissists often use compliments to make the person feel special and valued.
It’s a ploy designed to keep the person hooked and dependent on their approval—this tactic is often referred to as ‘love-bombing’.
Imagine this: The narcissist compliments a person for their intelligence, their looks, and their talents.
It feels great, right?
But over time, they may begin to need their validation for their self-esteem—and that’s exactly what they want.
This dependency makes it easier for the narcissist to control and manipulate them because they’re less likely to challenge them or stand up for themselves if it risks losing their approval.
It’s crucial to remember that genuine compliments are not tied to strings of manipulation.
Recognizing this tactic helps people maintain their self-esteem independently of the narcissist’s approval.
3) Gaslighting
‘Gaslighting’ is a form of psychological manipulation that narcissists often resort to—it involves making people doubt their own memory, perception, or sanity.
Picture this: A person confronts the narcissist about something they did that hurt them.
Instead of acknowledging it, they deny it ever happened or twist the facts around to blame them; the person starts to question their own recollection of events, feeling confused and disoriented.
This is gaslighting—it’s a crafty tactic designed to destabilize a person’s sense of reality, making them more vulnerable to their control.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into this form of manipulation and provide practical tools for recognizing and combating it.
Understanding gaslighting is the first step towards reclaiming their reality and breaking free from the narcissist’s control.
Everyone deserves to trust their own thoughts and feelings without having them invalidated or twisted by someone else.
4) The never-ending competition
With narcissists, everything can turn into a competition.
Whether it’s a person’s personal achievements, their relationships, or even their hardships, the narcissist always seems to need to one-up them.
Let’s say a friend share a personal victory with them; instead of celebrating with them, the narcissist switches the focus onto their own achievements or belittle their friend’s.
This constant need to outshine people can leave each person feeling undervalued and insecure.
As Eleanor Roosevelt wisely said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
It’s important to remember that one’s worth is not determined by someone else’s need to feel superior.
Learning to recognize this competitive behavior for what it is—a reflection of the narcissist’s insecurities rather than a reflection of someone’s worth—can go a long way in helping them maintain their self-esteem in the face of their constant comparisons.
5) The silent treatment
One of the most disconcerting tactics narcissists use is the silent treatment.
It’s a form of emotional manipulation designed to make anyone feel ignored, invalidated, and invisible.
Imagine they’ve had a disagreement with the narcissist; instead of addressing the issue, they completely ignore the person, refusing to acknowledge them presence or respond to their attempts to communicate.
This can be incredibly distressing, making them feel anxious and desperate for their attention; they might even find themselves apologizing or making concessions just to restore communication, even if they weren’t in the wrong.
In my years of counseling, I’ve seen how damaging this tactic can be.
It’s essential to understand that the silent treatment is a form of punishment, not a healthy way to handle conflict.
Everyone deserves to be heard and respected in their relationships, not given the cold shoulder when they stand up for themselves.
6) Exploiting insecurities
Narcissists are notoriously good at identifying and exploiting one’s insecurities—using this information as a weapon, using it to belittle or control them.
For instance, if anyone shared their fear of rejection with the narcissist, they might threaten to leave them during an argument.
This plays on their fear, making them more likely to back down and do what they want.
As the famous author Mark Twain said, “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”
It’s crucial to work on self-love and acceptance, so a narcissist can’t use a person’s insecurities against them.
Over the years, I’ve found that understanding and addressing our own insecurities can go a long way in disarming a narcissist’s manipulation tactics.
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7) Shifting blame
One of the hardest truths to swallow when dealing with a narcissist is their inability to take responsibility for their actions.
It feels like they always find a way to shift the blame onto others, including the person in question.
When confronted, instead of apologizing, the narcissist turns it around and accuse them of being too sensitive or misunderstanding the situation.
They deflect any blame from themselves and make them feel like it’s their fault for feeling hurt.
This can be incredibly frustrating and damaging, leading to feelings of guilt and self-doubt—it’s raw, it’s real, and it’s something many of us deal with when interacting with narcissists.
Recognizing this tendency can be a game changer—helping them understand that their inability to accept blame is a reflection of a narcissist’s own issues, not a sign that they’re in the wrong.
It’s not anyone’s fault, and it’s okay to stand their ground when they’re unfairly blamed.
Final thoughts
Narcissists often operate with calculated tactics, leaving kindhearted individuals feeling drained and manipulated.
Recognizing these behaviors—guilt trips, gaslighting, silent treatment, blame-shifting, and more—is the first step to reclaiming one’s power.
Understanding these strategies equips anyone to set boundaries and prioritize their well-being.
Breaking free from a narcissist’s grip isn’t easy, but it’s essential for personal growth and peace.
With this knowledge, anyone can approach relationships with greater confidence and resilience.
Remember, protecting themselves is not selfish—it’s necessary.
I invite everyone to explore this topic further in this insightful video by Justin Brown.
He discusses the complexities of finding a life partner and shares valuable lessons from his personal experiences:
Remember, knowledge is power.
The more people understand about narcissistic behavior, the better equipped they’ll be to protect themselves and foster healthier relationships.
Thank you for taking the time to read this article—I wish you strength and courage on your journey!
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