10 signs someone is an unethical person (even if they seem perfectly polite at first)

We’ve all been there — charmed by someone who seemed thoughtful and kind, only to later discover they weren’t as sincere as they seemed.

Maybe it was a coworker who played the “helpful teammate” role but secretly took credit for your work.

Or perhaps it was someone in your social circle who smiled to your face but gossiped behind your back.

Appearances can be deceiving, especially when it comes to ethics.

The good news? There are subtle clues that can help you spot these hidden traits early.

In this article, we’ll explore how to recognize the red flags, so you can protect yourself from being fooled by fake kindness.

1) Shifting blame

We all make mistakes. It’s part of being human. But how we handle those errors says a lot about our character.

Someone who is unethical, even if they seem perfectly polite, will often avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

They’ll find ways to shift the blame onto others, avoiding any accountability.

This is more than just a refusal to admit mistakes.

It’s a systematic pattern of behavior designed to protect their image at the expense of others.

So next time you see someone continually shifting blame or avoiding responsibility, take note.

It could be a sign of an unethical person hiding behind a polite facade.

2) Absence of empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a vital trait that ties us together as human beings.

But unfortunately, not everyone possesses it.

I remember meeting a colleague who was always polite, always smiling.

On the surface, she seemed like a genuinely nice person. But as I got to know her better, I noticed a glaring absence of empathy in her interactions with others.

For instance, another colleague was going through a tough time personally and it was affecting his work.

Most of us were understanding and supportive, but this particular colleague, despite her polite demeanor, showed no empathy at all.

She would often criticize his work in front of others, without any consideration for his feelings or situation.

This lack of empathy was a red flag. It indicated an unethical disposition behind her polished exterior.

3) Constantly breaking promises

A promise is a commitment, a bond of trust between two parties.

But for some, promises are merely words, easily broken when convenient.

In fact, individuals with higher levels of narcissism and Machiavellianism – traits often associated with unethical behavior – are more likely to break promises.

Now, we all fall short sometimes. We fail to deliver on a promise due to unforeseen circumstances.

But when someone constantly breaks their promises, despite being polite and apologetic, it’s a strong indicator of their ethical integrity.

4) Frequent lying

Those who frequently lie, even about small things, are displaying a clear sign of unethical conduct.

Polite or not, a person who lies regularly is manipulating the truth to suit their needs.

This could be to avoid confrontation, to gain an advantage, or simply to maintain their image.

What makes this particularly tricky to identify is that polite individuals are often good at presenting their lies as truths.

Their charming demeanor can make it difficult to question the validity of their words.

5) Lack of respect for boundaries

Respecting personal and professional boundaries is a fundamental aspect of ethical behavior.

Those who constantly breach these boundaries, regardless of their politeness, are showcasing a clear sign of unethical conduct.

This can manifest in many ways: from sharing confidential information, to making inappropriate comments, or constantly interrupting others during conversations.

Despite their polite demeanor, individuals who disregard boundaries are showing a lack of respect for others.

This disregard often stems from an underlying belief that their needs or desires are more important than those of others.

6) Exploiting others for personal gain

These individuals prioritize their own needs and wants over the well-being of others.

They will use people, situations, and resources without any consideration for the consequences on those around them.

For example, a person may appear kind and helpful, only to use the information you share with them to their advantage later.

This isn’t just unfair—it’s a clear violation of trust.

True character is revealed in how we treat others, particularly when there’s something to gain.

So be wary of those who seem to take more than they give.

7) Inconsistency in words and actions

I once had a friend who was always full of promises.

She would speak with such sincerity, assuring me of her support and commitment. But when it came down to it, her actions often fell short.

It was as if her words held no weight.

This inconsistency left me feeling disillusioned and betrayed.

It wasn’t just about broken promises—it was about the intentional deception hidden behind polite words.

So pay attention to those whose actions don’t align with their words.

It’s a clear sign of an unethical individual, no matter how polite they may appear.

8) Excessive flattery

Flattery can be a wonderful thing. It can boost our confidence and make us feel appreciated.

While it might feel good to be lavished with compliments, it’s important to question the intentions behind them.

Unethical individuals often use flattery as a tool to manipulate others for their own benefit.

They may seem perfectly polite, even charming, but their excessive praise could be a tactic to win your trust and get you to lower your guard.

So next time you encounter someone who always seems to have a compliment at the ready, take a moment to question their sincerity.

9) Disregard for rules

Rules are put in place for a reason. They maintain order and fairness in society.

But an unethical person, regardless of how polite they may appear, often has a disregard for these rules.

This doesn’t necessarily mean they’re breaking the law.

It could be as simple as ignoring company policies or social norms.

They may justify their actions with seemingly reasonable excuses or hide behind their polite demeanor.

But consistently bending or breaking rules for personal convenience is a clear sign of unethical behavior.

So, keep an eye out for those who believe rules are meant to be broken.

10) Lack of guilt or remorse

The ability to feel guilt or remorse is a fundamental aspect of ethical behavior.

It’s our internal compass that guides us, that tells us when we’ve done something wrong.

An unethical person, however, may not experience these feelings.

Despite their polite exterior, they may commit harmful actions without any apparent guilt or regret.

This lack of remorse is a significant red flag.

So, if someone harms others, breaks trust, or acts selfishly without showing any signs of guilt or remorse, be cautious.

Their actions reveal more about their character than any charming words ever could.

Final thought: It’s about character

When it comes to the complexities of human behavior, there’s one universal truth: character matters.

Politeness is a virtue, no doubt. But it’s not a standalone measure of a person’s moral fiber.

Beneath the smiles and courteous gestures, there could be an undercurrent of unethical behavior.

The signs we’ve discussed aren’t meant to instill paranoia, but to enhance understanding.

They’re subtle indicators that can help you discern the true character of those around you.

Unethical behavior – even when masked by politeness – is essentially about disregard for others.

It’s about putting one’s interests above everything else.

So, as you navigate your interactions, keep these signs in mind.

Look beyond the politeness. Gauge actions, not just words.

Because in the end, it’s not just about how people treat us, but how they treat others when they think no one is watching.