There’s a world of difference between choosing to settle down in a relationship and feeling pressured to do so. And often, the difference is evident in our behavior.
When we choose, it’s because we’re ready, we’ve found the right person, and we’re excited about our future together. But when we feel pressured, it’s more about ticking off a box or meeting societal expectations.
People who settle out of pressure don’t always realize their motivation. But there are clear signs that often emerge in their behavior.
In this article, I’ll reveal the seven behaviors that are commonly displayed by those who’ve settled in their relationship due to pressure. These insights could help you understand your own relationship better or guide someone close to you who might be in this situation.
1) They often express doubt
It’s not unusual to have a few jitters when committing to a relationship. But there’s a significant difference between normal pre-commitment nerves and constant doubt.
People who feel pressured into settling down often express these doubts more frequently than those who’ve chosen to commit out of their volition.
They might question the strength of their feelings, the compatibility with their partner, or even the future of the relationship. Such expressions of doubt are often a reflection of their inner turmoil about the decision they’ve been coerced into.
Recognizing this behavior could be the first step towards understanding if someone has settled in a relationship because of external pressure. And remember, it’s important to approach such situations with empathy and understanding.
2) They tend to avoid discussing the future
In my own experience, I’ve noticed that people who feel pressured into settling down often steer clear of discussing the future. I had a friend who was in this exact situation. She and her partner had been together for years, and everyone around them expected them to take the next step.
But whenever the topic of marriage or long-term plans came up, she would change the subject or joke it off. It was clear she was uncomfortable and unsure about making these big decisions.
In hindsight, it was her way of avoiding the reality that she was settling because she felt she had to, not because she genuinely wanted to. This avoidance is another common behavior that can indicate someone is feeling pressured into settling down in a relationship.
3) They often exhibit signs of stress or anxiety
Settling down in a relationship under pressure can be a significant source of stress and anxiety. This is not just a casual observation, but is backed by scientific research. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that individuals who feel coerced into making relationship decisions often exhibit higher levels of stress hormones.
This stress can manifest in various ways, from nervous habits to sleep disturbances or even changes in appetite. If you notice someone displaying heightened levels of stress and anxiety, it could be an indication that they’re feeling pressured in their relationship. Always remember, support and understanding can go a long way in such situations.
4) They may struggle with self-esteem issues
When you’re in a relationship because you want to be, it boosts your confidence and self-esteem. But when you’re there because of pressure, it’s quite the opposite.
People who feel pressured into settling down often grapple with low self-esteem. They might feel they’re not good enough or that they won’t be able to find someone better if they choose to move on.
This struggle with self-esteem can be subtle, showing up in the way they talk about themselves or their relationship. If left unaddressed, it can lead to deeper emotional issues. Recognizing this behavior is key to providing the necessary support and reassurance.
5) They often feel misunderstood
I’ve learned that feeling misunderstood is a common sentiment among those who settle due to pressure. There’s this pervasive sense of loneliness, even when they’re with their partner.
I remember a time in my life when I felt this way. I was in a relationship that looked perfect from the outside, but on the inside, I felt like my partner didn’t really understand me. And because everyone around me thought we were great together, it was hard to express what I was truly feeling.
This sense of being misunderstood can be a clear sign that someone is in a relationship not by choice, but due to external pressure. Being there for them, listening without judgment can make a world of difference in such situations.
6) They often avoid deep emotional connection
Building a deep emotional connection requires vulnerability and commitment – two things that are hard to give when you’re in a relationship due to pressure.
People in this situation often keep their partners at arm’s length emotionally. They might avoid intimate conversations or dodge opportunities to connect on a deeper level.
This emotional distance can be a protective mechanism, a way to avoid fully committing to something they’re uncertain about. Recognizing this behavior can be crucial in understanding their situation and offering the right support.
7) They rarely express genuine happiness
At the end of the day, the most telling sign is the absence of genuine happiness. Relationships, even with their ups and downs, should bring joy and contentment. But when someone’s in a relationship due to pressure, that happiness often eludes them.
They might put on a happy face for others, but deep down, they feel unfulfilled. This lack of genuine happiness is perhaps the most significant sign that someone has settled in their relationship because they felt they had no other choice. Identifying this behavior is critical in helping them navigate their feelings and make decisions that are right for them.
Final thoughts: It’s about choice
At the heart of human behavior is the power of choice.
When it comes to settling down in a relationship, the choice should be individual and authentic. But societal pressures can sometimes blur these lines, leading individuals to make decisions that don’t align with their true desires.
These seven behaviors are often telltale signs of such situations. They’re not definitive proof, but they offer insight into the emotional state of someone who might feel pressured to settle.
Remember, “The only way to do great work is to love what you do,” as Steve Jobs once said. The same applies to relationships. They flourish when both partners are there by choice, not by compulsion.
So if you or someone you know might be displaying these behaviors, it’s time for a deep and compassionate conversation. It can be a difficult journey, but understanding is the first step towards making choices that lead to genuine happiness.
Feeling stuck in self-doubt?
Stop trying to fix yourself and start embracing who you are. Join the free 7-day self-discovery challenge and learn how to transform negative emotions into personal growth.
