People who grew up in the shadow of a sibling usually display these 8 behaviors as adults

Growing up in the shadow of a sibling can have lasting effects.

It’s like living in a constant state of comparison, whether real or perceived.

It can shape you in ways you might not even realize until adulthood.

As an adult, those who’ve lived this experience often display certain behaviors.

They’re not negative or positive necessarily, just distinctive.

In this feature, we’ll delve into the 8 key behaviors typically observed in those who’ve grown up feeling overshadowed by a sibling.

1) They often strive for individuality

Living in the shadow of a sibling can make one yearn for distinctiveness.

In adult life, those who’ve been overshadowed by a sibling often display a distinct drive to stand out and be unique.

This can manifest in the way they dress, the career paths they choose, and even in their hobbies and interests.

This behavior is far from surprising.

When you’ve grown up constantly compared to someone else, it’s only natural that you’d want to carve out a space that’s entirely your own.

So if you notice someone who consistently goes against the grain, seeking out unique experiences or marching to the beat of their own drum, it could be that they’re subconsciously trying to step out from a sibling’s shadow.

2) They may be more competitive

I’ve noticed this trait in myself.

Being the younger sibling, I always seemed to be chasing my older brother’s accomplishments.

This has carried over into my adult life.

I often find myself striving to be the best, whether it’s at work or in a friendly game of trivia.

It’s like there’s this inner drive to prove that I’m just as capable, if not more so.

Over time, I’ve realized this competitiveness stems from those years of feeling overshadowed, always trying to catch up or outdo my brother.

It’s not a bad thing per se.

It can drive you to achieve great things.

But it’s important to recognize and manage it, ensuring it doesn’t become an unhealthy obsession.

This is a trait many who’ve grown up in a sibling’s shadow can likely relate to.

3) They often develop excellent listening skills

Growing up in the shadow of a sibling, it’s not uncommon to find oneself playing the role of the listener more often.

This can translate into superior listening skills in adulthood.

You see when you’re frequently outshined, you tend to listen more and speak less.

This repeated behavior can cultivate an ability to listen deeply and understand others on a profound level.

Research suggests that excellent listeners make better leaders and partners.

This ability to listen, truly listen, can be a strength that sets them apart in personal and professional relationships.

It’s a silver lining that might emerge from the experience of growing up in a sibling’s shadow.

4) They tend to develop resilience

Those who grow up in the shadow of a sibling often find themselves having to face challenges and setbacks more frequently.

This, in turn, can develop into a robust sense of resilience in adulthood.

In my book, The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness, I explore this concept in depth.

I discuss how experiencing adversity early on, like feeling overshadowed by a sibling, can actually foster a strong mental toughness.

This resilience is not just about bouncing back from setbacks.

It’s about learning from them, growing stronger, and becoming better equipped to handle future struggles.

So while growing up in the shadow of a sibling can be tough, it can also equip you with a resilience that serves you well throughout life.

It’s yet another example of how our childhood experiences can shape us in surprising ways.

5) They often crave validation

There’s a little part of me that has always sought approval, a nod of affirmation, a pat on the back.

It’s not something I’m entirely proud of, but it’s there nonetheless.

This need for validation can be traced back to the years spent in my brother’s shadow.

When you’re constantly compared to someone else, you can start to seek external validation to reassure yourself of your worth.

A 2021 study on family dynamics links sibling bullying to a lower sense of competence, life satisfaction, and self-esteem in young adults.

It’s a trait I’ve had to wrestle with and manage.

It’s important to remember that self-worth should come from within and not be dependent on external validation.

But it doesn’t change the fact that this is a common behavior among those who’ve grown up feeling overshadowed by a sibling.

6) They may display a lack of ambition

This one might seem surprising.

You’d think that growing up in the shadow of a sibling would make someone more ambitious, not less.

But that isn’t always the case.

Sometimes, constantly feeling overshadowed can lead to a sense of defeatism.

Why bother trying if you’re always going to be second best?

This mindset can sometimes lead to a lack of ambition in adulthood.

It’s an unfortunate outcome, but it’s not a life sentence.

Recognizing this behavior is the first step towards addressing it and fostering a healthier, more proactive attitude towards personal growth and achievement.

7) They’re often highly empathetic

Growing up in the shadow of a sibling can also foster a high level of empathy.

When you’ve experienced what it feels like to be overlooked or underappreciated, you tend to develop a keen sense of understanding towards others who might be going through the same.

A study published in The Journal of Family Psychology found that individuals with siblings often develop stronger social and emotional skills, including higher levels of empathy, due to navigating complex family dynamics.

This ability to walk in someone else’s shoes and truly understand their feelings and struggles can be a strength.

Empathy can make you a better friend, partner, and leader. It’s a silver lining that comes from an experience that isn’t always easy.

So, if you find yourself naturally gravitating towards understanding others’ feelings, perhaps that’s a trait developed from your childhood experiences.

8) They have a deep sense of self-awareness

The most important thing to remember is that growing up in the shadow of a sibling often leads to a profound sense of self-awareness.

This is because these individuals have spent a significant part of their lives introspecting, assessing their own strengths and weaknesses against those of their siblings.

This deep self-knowledge can be a powerful tool.

It can help them understand their triggers, recognize their patterns, and make conscious decisions about how they want to live their lives.

So while being overshadowed might have had its challenges, it also offers unique insights that can guide personal growth and development.

It’s about self-understanding

At the core of everything we’ve discussed, there’s a deep-rooted concept that binds it all together – self-understanding.

Growing up in the shadow of a sibling may shape us in ways we do not immediately recognize.

But once we understand these behaviors, we can harness them to our advantage and turn them into strengths.

In my book, The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness, I delve into how self-understanding is key to resilience and mental toughness. The same applies here.

Recognizing these traits in ourselves or others isn’t about placing blame or feeling victimized.

It’s about understanding the experiences that shaped us and using that knowledge to grow.

So whether you see these traits in yourself or someone else, remember the power of self-awareness and resilience.

After all, it’s not just about the shadows we grew up in; it’s about how we step into the light.