I’m Lachlan Brown, and if there’s one thing I’ve come to realize, it’s that family relationships, especially between siblings, can be complicated in ways we don’t always notice until much later.
You know how it goes—life happens, people change, and suddenly you’re looking back, wondering how you drifted so far apart.
It’s not always about big arguments or dramatic fallouts.
Sometimes it’s the small, almost invisible shifts—the tone in a conversation, the way someone starts pulling back, or even the things left unsaid.
In this article, I want to share eight subtle signs that could point to cracks forming in sibling relationships.
1) Sudden increase in comparison
This isn’t the usual childhood rivalry or competition, but rather a deeper, more intense comparison.
Often, a sibling who starts to create distance will begin comparing their life, achievements or even their children to those of their brother or sister.
This may start off subtly with small remarks or comments, but if left unchecked, it can escalate and become more evident.
These comparisons are often a reflection of an underlying insecurity or dissatisfaction with their own life.
It’s as if they are trying to validate their choices or lifestyle by making sure they are ‘better’ than their sibling in certain aspects.
This behavior can be quite harmful as it can lead to feelings of resentment and bitterness.
2) Less frequent communication
Another behavior often observed in siblings who fall out later in life is a decrease in the frequency of communication.
They may not cut off contact completely, but the regularity of their interaction may noticeably dwindle.
This could manifest as fewer phone calls, texts, or emails.
Maybe they’re not as responsive as they used to be, or perhaps they’re always ‘busy’ when you want to catch up.
This decrease in communication can be a way to create distance without causing an outright conflict.
It’s a subtle shift, often justified with reasons like workload, family commitments or other obligations.
But if this pattern persists, it could be a sign of a deeper issue.
Communication is the bedrock of any relationship.
When it starts to fade, it’s often indicative of an underlying problem.
3) Avoidance of family gatherings
From my own observations, another telltale sign is the avoidance of family gatherings.
Research has shown that sibling relationships play a crucial role in early socialization and further social development.
When siblings start having issues, one or both may start avoiding situations where they have to be in the same space for an extended period of time.
This could mean skipping out on family dinners, birthdays, holidays, or even more significant events like weddings.
They might come up with excuses or reasons why they can’t attend, but if this becomes a pattern, it’s usually more than just being busy.
This avoidance can often stem from a desire to avoid conflict or uncomfortable situations.
But it also serves to widen the gap between siblings and can contribute to further misunderstanding and resentment.
4) Display of mental toughness
They might act as if they’re unaffected by the growing distance or any disagreements that have occurred.
In my book, The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness, I delve into the concept of resilience and how it plays a crucial role in navigating life’s ups and downs.
However, when it comes to family dynamics, this resilience can sometimes be a mask for the underlying hurt or resentment.
They may insist that they are ‘fine’ or that the issues don’t bother them, but this could actually be a defense mechanism to protect themselves from emotional pain.
Putting up a tough exterior might make them feel safe, but it can also prevent genuine communication and healing from taking place.
It’s a complex behavior, and understanding it requires us to look beyond the surface.
5) Overcompensation in other relationships
Now, here’s a counter-intuitive sign – overcompensation in other relationships.
When siblings fall out, it’s not uncommon for them to make extra efforts to strengthen their bonds with other family members or friends.
This might manifest as an increased involvement with their own nuclear family, a rekindled friendship, or a newfound closeness with distant relatives.
It might seem like a positive change on the surface – and it can be – but it can also be a sign of trying to fill the void left by their sibling.
The sibling relationship is often one of the longest and most impactful in our lives.
When that bond is strained or broken, it can leave a significant gap.
Overcompensating in other relationships can be a way to distract from that loss or to seek validation and support elsewhere.
It’s a subtle behavior, and it might not be immediately apparent as a sign of sibling discord.
But if you notice this shift alongside other signs, it could be an indication of an underlying issue with a sibling.
6) Changes in social media interaction
In today’s digital age, our online behavior can often mirror what’s going on in our offline lives.
One subtle sign of a falling out between siblings can be a change in how they interact on social media.
This could mean fewer tags in photos, less interaction on posts, or even ‘unfollowing’ each other.
They might stop sharing memories or mentioning each other in their updates.
In some cases, they might start posting passive-aggressive status updates or subtweets, which can be an indirect way of expressing their feelings without confronting the issue directly.
While it’s essential not to read too much into every online interaction (or lack thereof), consistent changes in social media behavior can provide insight into changing dynamics between siblings.
A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that social media communication significantly correlates with sibling closeness, indicating that reduced online interaction may reflect a decline in relationship quality.
7) Increased sensitivity to criticism
Drawing from my personal observations, another subtle sign can be an increased sensitivity to criticism or advice from the sibling.
Even the most well-intentioned suggestions can be met with defensiveness or hostility.
This heightened sensitivity often stems from an underlying feeling of being judged or misunderstood by their sibling.
They might interpret even the most innocent comments as attacks or criticisms.
It’s important to note that this sensitivity isn’t usually about the criticism itself, but rather about the strained relationship behind it.
As someone who has been through this, I can tell you that understanding this behavior can be a crucial step towards healing and reconciliation.
8) Physical distance
The last sign might seem obvious, but it’s worth mentioning – physical distance.
When siblings fall out, they often find ways to put physical space between them.
This could mean moving to a different city, state, or even country.
Or it could be as simple as choosing not to visit their sibling’s home, even if they live nearby.
Of course, there can be many reasons for moving or maintaining physical distance.
But when coupled with other signs on this list, it can be an indication of a falling out between siblings.
A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 28% of adults experienced at least one episode of estrangement from a sibling, highlighting how common such distancing can be.
Physical distance can provide a buffer against conflict and emotional pain.
But it also makes reconciliation more challenging.
It’s a clear sign, but one that is often justified or dismissed, making it subtle in its own way.
Understanding these subtle behaviors can be a crucial step towards addressing and healing strained sibling relationships.
It’s about recognizing the signs and having the courage to address them.
In my book, The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness, I discuss how resilience and mental toughness can help you navigate difficult situations, including family fallouts.
Remember, it’s never too late to reach out, to listen, and to make an effort towards reconciliation.
Developing mental toughness doesn’t mean you have to endure pain silently; it means having the strength to confront it head-on.
Here’s to healthier, more understanding relationships with our siblings.
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