People who can’t help but clash with family usually display these 9 behaviors (without realizing it)

Picture this: you’re at a family gathering, the food’s great, the vibe’s warm, and then… BOOM!

A harmless comment sparks a full-blown debate. Sound familiar?

For some families, these moments are the norm. But have you ever paused to wonder why certain people always seem to stir the pot? Spoiler: it’s not always on purpose.

This article unpacks the behaviors that keep tensions high and arguments rolling.

By spotting these patterns, you might just discover a path to smoother interactions and fewer fireworks.

Let’s dig in and see what’s really fueling the family drama.

1) They’re often on the defensive

Those who habitually clash with family members have a tendency to adopt a defensive stance in most interactions.

It’s as if they’re constantly expecting an attack or criticism.

This defensiveness stems from a psychological need to protect oneself. It’s not necessarily about being argumentative or confrontational.

Rather, it’s an unconscious reaction to perceived threats, even when no real threat exists.

In fact, they might not even realize they’re doing it – it’s just their default mode of interaction.

If you notice this pattern in your interactions with family, it could be a significant clue into why clashes occur more often than not.

Understanding this could be the first step towards changing these defensive dynamics.

2) They’re prone to confirmation bias

Confirmation bias is a term you might have heard before. But what does it mean, exactly?

Simply put, it’s a tendency to interpret new information in a way that confirms our pre-existing beliefs or ideas. It’s like wearing tinted glasses that only let in the colors you want to see.

Sounds harmless enough, right?

Well, here’s the kicker.

In family interactions, those who constantly clash often exhibit this bias.

They tend to pick out and focus on details that confirm their negative assumptions about family members.

For instance, if they believe a sibling is always criticizing them, they may overlook instances of praise and focus only on critical comments, no matter how rare or trivial.

The danger here is that this can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy.

They expect criticism, so they perceive criticism, even when it’s not there. And this pattern of perception can fuel more clashes than necessary.

3) They struggle with perspective-taking

Given their susceptibility to confirmation bias, it might not be surprising that they struggle with perspective-taking.

What’s perspective-taking, you ask?

Well, it’s the ability to see things from another person’s viewpoint.

It’s about stepping into someone else’s shoes and understanding their thoughts, feelings, and motivations.

Now, you’d think that the more we interact with someone, the better we understand them, right?

Surprisingly, it’s not always the case.

In fact, they might find it more difficult to understand their family members’ perspectives.

This could be because their preconceived notions and biases cloud their ability to see things objectively.

So, instead of understanding that a parent’s nagging is out of concern, they might perceive it as controlling behavior.

Or they might see a sibling’s advice as an attempt to belittle them, instead of a well-intended gesture.

This lack of perspective-taking can lead to misunderstandings and fuel unnecessary conflicts.

4) They have a hard time expressing vulnerability

Ever noticed how some people find it difficult to show vulnerability, especially with their family?

It’s a common trait among those who frequently clash with family members.

They often have a hard time opening up about their feelings or admitting when they’re wrong.

Expressing vulnerability requires a certain level of emotional openness and humility.

It’s about acknowledging your flaws, fears, and failures.

However, for some, showing vulnerability can feel like exposing themselves to potential harm or judgment.

So, they put up walls and become defensive to protect themselves.

This guardedness can make it challenging for family members to reach out and connect with them on a deeper level.

Misunderstandings happen, feelings get hurt and the cycle of conflict continues.

If this sounds like you or someone in your family, understanding this behavior can be a stepping stone towards breaking this cycle and fostering healthier relationships.

5) They display poor listening skills

They often exhibit poor listening skills.

They might be physically present in a conversation, but they’re not truly engaged.

This might manifest in several ways:

• Interrupting others while they’re speaking
• Not making eye contact during conversations
• Appearing distracted or uninterested
• Not responding appropriately to what’s being said

These behaviors can make the other person feel unheard and undervalued, leading to resentment and further conflict.

6) They fall into the trap of emotional contagion

Let’s delve into something I find particularly intriguing – emotional contagion.

It’s the phenomenon where we ‘catch’ the emotions of those around us, much like catching a cold.

You know how when one person in the family is in a bad mood, it kind of spreads and brings the whole room down?

That’s emotional contagion in action.

Now, we all experience this to some extent. But those who frequently clash with family seem to be especially susceptible.

When a family member is upset or stressed, they quickly pick up on that emotion, amplifying their own stress levels.

It’s like they’re tuned into the family’s emotional frequency.

But here’s where it gets tricky. Instead of empathizing with the person experiencing the negative emotion, they might react defensively or even retaliate, thereby escalating the conflict.

7) They struggle with change

Imagine a family tradition that’s been in place for decades.

Now, suppose someone in the family suggests shaking things up a bit. How would that go down?

Change can be uncomfortable for anyone.

But for people who are prone to family conflicts, any alteration to the status quo can be particularly challenging.

It could be something as simple as changing the holiday dinner menu or as significant as moving to a new city.

Regardless of the magnitude of the change, their reaction is often one of resistance.

So, if you find yourself resisting changes in your family dynamics, ask yourself why. Is it because you’re genuinely unhappy with the change?

Or is it because it’s simply something different from what you’re used to?

8) They tend to hold onto grudges

This one hits a little close to home for me.

When I was younger, I had a massive fall out with my brother over something I can’t even remember now.

But at the time, it felt like the biggest deal in the world. And instead of talking it out, we both held onto our grudges for years.

This is a common trait among those who frequently have conflict with family — they find it hard to let go of past hurts and grievances.

Even minor incidents can become deeply ingrained in their memories, affecting their interactions with family members in the present.

Each new incident becomes another log on the fire of resentment, making it harder to break the cycle of conflict.

These grudges can weigh heavily on family relationships, creating an undercurrent of tension that’s always ready to erupt into a full-blown clash.

Acknowledging this tendency and learning to let go might be one of the most challenging steps to take.

But it can also be one of the most transformative for family dynamics.

9) They struggle with self-awareness

Self-awareness is the ability to recognize our own emotions, beliefs, and behaviors, and understand how they affect those around us.

It’s the foundation of emotional intelligence.

Now, why is this so crucial?

Without self-awareness, it’s challenging to recognize and break the patterns of behavior that lead to family clashes.

We might unknowingly contribute to conflicts, get entangled in them, and then wonder why they keep happening.

So, if you find yourself frequently in conflict with family members, a lack of self-awareness might be at play.

It’s not about placing blame on yourself or anyone else. It’s about understanding our own role in these dynamics.

Cultivating self-awareness can be a game-changer in transforming the way we interact with our family and breaking the cycle of conflict.

So, where do we go from here?

Recognizing these behaviors is only the first step. The real work lies in understanding and addressing these patterns.

Here are a few suggestions:

• Seek professional guidance: Licensed therapists or psychologists can provide valuable tools and strategies to help manage conflicts and improve family relationships.
• Practice mindfulness: This helps increase self-awareness and enables us to respond to situations rather than react impulsively.
• Invest in personal growth: Books, podcasts, or online courses on emotional intelligence and communication skills can be valuable resources.

Navigating family conflicts can be challenging, but it’s important to remember that we all have the capacity for change.

It starts with understanding ourselves better and recognizing how our behaviors impact those around us.

So, take a moment, reflect on these behaviors, and consider how they might be showing up in your interactions with your family.

You might just find the key to transforming your family dynamics and breaking the cycle of conflict.