People who are sweet and kind on the surface but really selfish underneath usually display these 7 behaviors

There’s a fine line between genuine kindness and hidden selfishness.

Sometimes, people appear sweet and kind on the surface, but beneath that sugar-coated exterior, they’re actually quite selfish.

These individuals have mastered the art of disguising their true intentions, making it challenging to spot them.

But don’t worry, they usually display a set of behaviors that can give them away.

In this article, we’ll explore seven behaviors commonly exhibited by those who might seem kind at first glance, but are really looking out for number one.

Get ready for some real eye-openers!

1) Excessive flattery

Charm can often mask ulterior motives.

People who are superficially sweet and kind, but selfish at heart, are usually masters of flattery. Compliments flow easily from their lips, and they always seem to say exactly what others want to hear.

But here’s the thing – it’s often not genuine.

Flattery is a common tool used by these individuals to win over others and create a positive impression. They use it to get what they want while maintaining their ‘kind’ facade.

But watch out. If the praise seems too frequent or out of proportion, it could be a sign of selfish intent rather than sincere admiration.

2) They’re never there in a crisis

Personal experience has taught me that a true friend is one who stands by you in your hour of need.

I remember a certain someone who always seemed sweet and kind, always ready with a compliment or a kind word. But when I was going through a rough patch, they were nowhere to be found.

I’d call, and they’d be too busy to talk or meet up. They’d promise to reach out later, but that call never came.

It was then I realized their kindness only extended as far as it was convenient for them.

This is a classic behavior of people who are sweet on the surface but selfish underneath.

They’re more than happy to bask in the good times but are conspicuously absent during the tough ones.

They don’t want to be burdened with other people’s problems because, at the end of the day, their main concern is themselves.

3) They rarely apologize

Saying sorry requires a level of humility and self-awareness, traits that are often lacking in people who are sweet on the surface but selfish underneath.

They tend to see themselves as infallible and are reluctant to admit their mistakes.

Even more intriguing is the psychological phenomenon known as the “non-apology apology”.

This is when someone appears to be apologizing, but they subtly shift the blame onto others or circumstances. Phrases like “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry if you were offended” are classic examples.

This tactic allows them to maintain their image of kindness while avoiding any real accountability.

So be wary of those who make apologies that seem to lack sincerity or self-reflection. They might be more concerned with preserving their image than with making amends.

4) They’re always the victim

Ever noticed how some people seem to always be the victim, no matter what the situation? It’s almost as if they thrive on sympathy and attention.

People who are sweet on the surface but selfish at heart often play the victim card. They spin stories and situations to make themselves appear misunderstood, mistreated, or disadvantaged.

This behavior serves a dual purpose. It grabs attention and sympathy from others, while shifting blame and responsibility away from them.

It’s essentially a diversion tactic – distracting you from their selfishness by keeping you focused on their ‘misfortunes’.

Next time you encounter a perpetual victim, it might be worth taking a closer look.

Are they genuinely unfortunate? Or are they using their ‘victimhood’ to manipulate situations in their favor?

5) They have a knack for turning conversations towards themselves

I’ve had countless interactions where I’ve shared something important or personal, only to have the conversation quickly steered back to the other person.

One time, I was excitedly discussing my plans to start a new business venture.

Mid-conversation, the person I was confiding in interrupted me. Instead of responding to my news, they started talking about their own work experiences, completely overshadowing my announcement.

This is a common behavior among people who are sweet on the surface but selfish underneath.

They have a way of subtly turning every conversation towards themselves. Your news becomes their platform. Your achievements become their stepping stones for self-promotion.

It’s tricky because these people often make it seem as if they’re relating to you or offering advice. But if you notice that your conversations with them always end up being about them, it’s a possible sign of underlying selfishness.

6) They’re stingy with their time and resources

Generosity is a hallmark of truly kind individuals. But those who are sweet on the surface and selfish underneath tend to hold their time and resources close to their chest.

They might make grand gestures when it suits them or when others are watching.

But when it comes to lending a helping hand or sharing their resources without any expected return, they tend to balk.

They prefer to invest their time and resources in activities that directly benefit them. If they don’t see a clear advantage, they’re unlikely to extend themselves.

Genuine kindness doesn’t come with strings attached.

7) They disregard your boundaries

Respecting other people’s boundaries is a fundamental aspect of healthy relationships.

However, those who are sweet on the surface but selfish inside often disregard this.

They might make you feel guilty for asserting your personal space or needs. Or they might consistently overstep the line, excusing their actions with ‘kind’ intentions.

This disregard for your boundaries is actually a form of control. It’s about them getting their way, regardless of your comfort or well-being.

So, pay close attention to how people respect your boundaries. It’s a clear indicator of whether their sweetness is genuine or simply a sugar-coating for selfish behavior.

The art of discernment

Interpreting human behavior is far from simple. It’s a complex tapestry woven with threads of personality traits, past experiences, and sometimes, hidden motives.

Sadly, just because someone is nice to you doesn’t mean they have your best interests at heart.

This holds especially true for those who appear sweet and kind on the surface but are selfish underneath. Their niceness can be a clever disguise, a strategic game to serve their own interests.

Spotting such individuals requires keen observation and discernment. So as you navigate through your relationships and interactions, remember to look beyond the surface.

Is the kindness genuine? Or are there signs of underlying selfishness? It’s often in the subtle details – the respect for boundaries, the handling of crises, the pattern of conversations.

Unmasking this hidden selfishness is about understanding human behavior better and setting healthy boundaries.

So stay observant and keep these seven behaviors in mind. After all, true kindness isn’t just about being sweet. It’s about respect, empathy, and genuine care for others.

Feeling stuck in self-doubt?

Stop trying to fix yourself and start embracing who you are. Join the free 7-day self-discovery challenge and learn how to transform negative emotions into personal growth.

Join Free Now

Picture of Lucas Graham

Lucas Graham

Lucas Graham, based in Auckland, writes about the psychology behind everyday decisions and life choices. His perspective is grounded in the belief that understanding oneself is the key to better decision-making. Lucas’s articles are a mix of personal anecdotes and observations, offering readers relatable and down-to-earth advice.

RECENT ARTICLES

TRENDING AROUND THE WEB

10 daily habits of lower middle class people who will never be rich

10 daily habits of lower middle class people who will never be rich

Small Business Bonfire

7 small habits that instantly make you look like you’re lower-middle class

7 small habits that instantly make you look like you’re lower-middle class

Global English Editing

8 phrases people use when they’re trying to sound smart but actually aren’t

8 phrases people use when they’re trying to sound smart but actually aren’t

Global English Editing

7 things a narcissist will do when they realize you’re not an easy person to manipulate

7 things a narcissist will do when they realize you’re not an easy person to manipulate

Global English Editing

7 behaviors of people who maintain strong friendships despite having different priorities in life

7 behaviors of people who maintain strong friendships despite having different priorities in life

Small Business Bonfire

8 traits of men who are strong on the outside but weak and insecure underneath

8 traits of men who are strong on the outside but weak and insecure underneath

Global English Editing