We often hear how important it is to be our own biggest critic.
But what happens when that critic doesn’t know when to stop?
I’ve seen it time and time again – people who are so hard on themselves that they often stifle their own potential.
They’re usually the last to realize it, too.
In my journey, I’ve noticed a pattern of behaviors that are clear signs of being overly critical towards oneself:
1) Constantly comparing themselves to others
We live in a world that’s hyper-connected, making it all too easy to fall into the trap of comparison.
Social media platforms provide a constant stream of images and stories, often painting an unrealistic picture of success, wealth, and seemingly perfect lives.
People who are too hard on themselves often find themselves trapped in this cycle of comparison.
They judge their progress by looking at what others have achieved, setting unrealistic expectations for themselves—and this behavior can be immensely self-defeating.
No matter how much a person achieves, there will always be someone who seems to be doing better, leading to feelings of inadequacy and a persistent belief that you’re not good enough.
The key is to recognize that everyone’s journey is unique—instead of getting caught up in comparison, people should focus on their own path.
2) Dismissing their achievements
It’s all too common for individuals who are hard on themselves to downplay or outright dismiss their accomplishments.
They have a tendency to attribute their successes to luck or external factors, rather than recognizing their own efforts and abilities.
In my journey, I’ve had moments where I dismissed my achievements, thinking that they weren’t significant enough.
This only served to stifle my own growth and potential; this tendency is often rooted in a belief that we have to achieve something extraordinary to be worthy of recognition.
But the truth is, every step forward, no matter how small, is a victory in its own right.
A study published in Cognitive Therapy and Research found that individuals prone to self-critical rumination often focus less on their accomplishments, which can lead to increased feelings of regret and hinder personal growth.
Let’s start by celebrating our achievements—big or small—as authentic expressions of who we are and what we’re capable of.
3) Imposing self-limitations
Often, people who are hard on themselves unknowingly impose limitations on their own potential.
They may believe that they’re not capable of achieving certain goals or that they’re bound by societal expectations.
One of the most effective ways to overcome these self-imposed limitations is by challenging our subconscious beliefs and societal conditioning.
This is exactly what the “Free Your Mind” masterclass with the shaman Rudá Iandê aims to do.
This enlightening masterclass, which I had the privilege to co-produce, encourages participants to break free from mental and cultural conditioning.
It introduces practical exercises that foster a personal cosmo-vision and guide individuals in dismantling common myths and pitfalls in the spiritual world.
The masterclass provides powerful insights into aligning your actions with your personal values, promoting a mindset shift from frustration and guilt to love and acceptance—leading to improved mental clarity, emotional resilience, and a deeper understanding of oneself.
You can join the masterclass and start your journey towards embracing your true potential and take the first step towards breaking free from societal conditioning and embracing your authentic self.
4) Neglecting self-care
In the pursuit of our dreams and aspirations, we often neglect the most important person in our lives: Ourselves.
When one’s too hard on themself, it’s easy to forget that they also need care and attention.
People who are overly critical often push themselves to their limits, sacrificing their mental and physical well-being in the process.
They equate self-care with laziness or selfishness, believing that they should always be doing something more productive.
This couldn’t be further from the truth as self-care is not a luxury—it’s a necessity.
It’s about giving the mind and body the care they need to function optimally, understanding your limitations, and giving themselves permission to take a break when you need it.
After all, how can they expect to achieve their full potential if you’re constantly running on empty?
5) Fear of asking for help
People who are hard on themselves often feel they have to face their struggles alone as they believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness or incompetence.
But it’s important to understand that we are all interdependent.
We thrive in supportive communities and authentic relationships; it’s through our connections with others that we find the courage to pursue our dreams and the resilience to overcome challenges.
In reality, asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but an act of courage.
It requires one to acknowledge their limitations and express vulnerability, which is no small feat.
A study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that self-compassion increases self-disclosure by reducing self-stigma when seeking help, thereby enhancing help-seeking behavior from professionals.
No one can thrive alone—despite what society says, it’s okay to lean on others for help.
6) Holding onto past mistakes
A common trait among people who are too hard on themselves is their inability to let go of past mistakes.
They replay these events in their minds, criticizing themselves for what they did wrong and imagining different outcomes if they’d acted differently.
This obsessive rumination does nothing but drain mental energy and breed self-doubt.
What’s done is done—we can’t change the past, but we can learn from it.
Instead of dwelling on past mistakes, consider them as learning opportunities as they are invaluable lessons that shape who we are and drive our personal growth.
As hard as it may be, forgiving ourselves for our past mistakes is a crucial step towards self-acceptance.
We’re human, and making mistakes is part of your journey—it’s how one responds to these mistakes that truly defines them.
7) Overlooking their strengths
People who are overly critical often focus on their weaknesses while overlooking their strengths—having a tendency to minimize their skills and talents, believing they’re not enough.
It’s important to acknowledge that we all have unique gifts and abilities.
Recognizing and appreciating our strengths not only boosts self-confidence but also helps us navigate challenges more effectively.
A study published in the International Journal of Applied Positive Psychology found that focusing on strengths, rather than weaknesses, enhances optimal functioning and well-being.
For all it’s worth, everyone should embrace these strengths and use them as a foundation for personal and professional growth.
8) Setting unrealistic expectations
Lastly, those who are too hard on themselves often set unrealistically high expectations—striving for perfection in every aspect of their lives, from their careers to their relationships.
While it’s great to set ambitious goals, it’s equally important to keep them realistic.
Setting unattainable standards can lead to feelings of inadequacy and failure when they’re not met; it’s okay to strive for excellence, but it’s also okay to be imperfect.
Life is a continuous learning process, and it’s through our imperfections that we grow and evolve.
It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being real, being you.
Embracing authenticity and self-compassion
Understanding these behaviors is the first step towards change and, by recognizing and addressing these patterns, we can begin to foster a sense of self-compassion and authenticity.
The journey to self-acceptance isn’t easy as it requires challenging deeply ingrained beliefs and societal conditioning.
It involves confronting our fears and limitations and embracing our unique strengths and abilities.
For those ready to embark on this transformative journey, I highly recommend the “Free Your Mind” masterclass with Rudá Iandê.
By participating in this masterclass, you’ll gain insights into aligning your actions with your personal values and overcoming self-imposed limitations.
Your journey to find your authentic self has just begun.
Feeling stuck in self-doubt?
Stop trying to fix yourself and start embracing who you are. Join the free 7-day self-discovery challenge and learn how to transform negative emotions into personal growth.
