People who are friendly on the surface but manipulative underneath often display these 9 specific behaviors

There’s a fine line between being genuinely friendly and subtly manipulative.

Manipulation often comes cloaked in kindness, making it difficult to distinguish from genuine goodwill. People who are friendly on the surface but manipulative underneath have a knack for blending these two traits seamlessly.

But don’t worry, once you know what to look for, their disguises usually start to slip.

In this article, we’ll uncover the 9 specific behaviors often displayed by those who might seem nice but are secretly manipulating you.

Let’s dive in.

1) Overly agreeable

Everyone loves being around friendly people, right? But be cautious when someone seems to agree with everything you say.

People who are manipulative often display an overly agreeable personality on the surface. They may appear to agree with all your points of view, seemingly share your interests, and even mimic your behaviors or mannerisms.

This is often a strategic move, designed to make you feel comfortable around them and let your guard down. The ultimate goal? To gain your trust so they can subtly influence your decisions and actions to their advantage.

The trick is to identify when the agreement feels forced or unnatural. It’s totally okay for people to have differing opinions and interests.

2) They always play the victim

Sometimes, people who are manipulative underneath a friendly exterior have a knack for playing the victim.

Let me share a personal example. I had a friend, let’s call her Sarah. Sarah was always the life of the party, warm, friendly, and seemingly very open. But I noticed a pattern: whenever something went wrong, it was never her fault.

She always had an elaborate story ready about how she was innocent and how others were responsible for the misfortune. It was always her boss being unreasonable, or her partner being insensitive, or her friends not understanding her.

Over time, I realized this was a manipulation tactic. By constantly playing the victim, she was able to dodge responsibility and even win sympathy and support from others.

Watch out for those who habitually play the victim. It could be a sign that they’re not as friendly as they seem.

3) They’re master flatterers

Excessive flattery is a common tool in the manipulator’s toolkit. People who are friendly on the surface but manipulative underneath often use praise and compliments as a way to disarm you and make you more susceptible to their influence.

In psychology, this is known as “ingratiation” – a method of persuasion involving doing things to make oneself likable or attractive to another, often through flattery or other means of increasing the other person’s self-esteem.

The key is to recognize when the flattery feels excessive or insincere. Genuine compliments are usually specific and occasional, while manipulative flattery can feel excessive, generic, or out of context.

4) They’re constantly seeking validation

While it’s completely normal to seek validation from others from time to time, those who are manipulative often take it to another level.

These individuals constantly seek approval or praise. They might continually share their accomplishments, fishing for compliments. Or they may always check in with you (and others) before making decisions, no matter how small.

This might seem like insecurity, but it’s often a ploy to make you feel important and valued. By making you feel like your opinion matters greatly to them, they can subtly influence your actions and decisions.

If someone is always seeking your validation, it’s worth asking yourself why, and whether there might be ulterior motives at play.

5) They’re overly generous with their time and resources

Generosity is usually a good thing. But when someone is always offering their time or resources, it may be a sign of something more insidious.

People who are friendly on the surface but manipulative underneath often use acts of generosity as a means of control. By continually offering help, they create a sense of obligation, making it difficult for you to say no when they ask for something in return.

This ‘quid pro quo’ approach might seem friendly on the surface, but it’s actually a form of manipulation. It’s all about creating a debt that you’ll feel obliged to repay.

6) They’re experts at guilt-tripping

Guilt is a powerful emotion, and manipulative people know how to use it to their advantage.

Manipulators often make you feel guilty for things that are not your responsibility or beyond your control. They have a way of turning situations around to make you feel like you’re at fault or have done something wrong, even when you haven’t.

This guilt-tripping can be quite subtle and is usually masked by their friendly demeanor. It can leave you feeling confused, unsure of your own feelings, and more susceptible to their influence.

It’s heart-wrenching, especially when it’s someone you care about. But remember, it’s not your job to carry someone else’s guilt or burdens. Stand firm in your truth and don’t let anyone manipulate your emotions to their advantage.

7) They’re always ‘there’ for you

It’s great to have someone who’s always there for you, but remember, even the best of friends need space sometimes.

I had a friend who was always available. Whether it was a late-night chat or a spontaneous road trip, he was always up for anything. At first, it felt comforting to know I had such a reliable friend.

But over time, I realized his constant presence was more about control than care. He wanted to be involved in every aspect of my life and often used his ‘reliability’ as a leverage to influence my decisions and actions.

8) They’re skilled at deflecting blame

Manipulative individuals often have a knack for avoiding responsibility. When confronted with their mistakes or misdeeds, they quickly deflect blame onto others or onto circumstances.

Instead of owning up to their faults, they’ll redirect the conversation, pointing fingers at others, or making excuses for their actions.

This sort of behavior can be quite confusing and frustrating. It’s like trying to nail jelly to a wall. But once you recognize this pattern, it becomes easier to see through their friendly facade and understand the manipulative tactics at play.

9) They’re excessively secretive

While everyone has the right to privacy, excessive secrecy can be a red flag when it comes to manipulative behavior.

People who are manipulative often keep their true thoughts, feelings, and intentions hidden. This allows them to maintain control and keep others off balance. They might dodge personal questions, give vague answers, or even lie outright to avoid revealing too much.

This sort of behavior can create an unequal dynamic in your relationship. If someone is always holding back or keeping secrets, it can make open and honest communication difficult.

Trust and transparency are critical for healthy relationships. Don’t let their friendly demeanor distract you from their secretive actions.

Feeling stuck in self-doubt?

Stop trying to fix yourself and start embracing who you are. Join the free 7-day self-discovery challenge and learn how to transform negative emotions into personal growth.

Join Free Now

Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

RECENT ARTICLES

TRENDING AROUND THE WEB

If you never put up with these behaviors from others, you have a highly confident personality

If you never put up with these behaviors from others, you have a highly confident personality

Global English Editing

8 things you’re doing that make people secretly think they can walk all over you

8 things you’re doing that make people secretly think they can walk all over you

Small Business Bonfire

8 little habits that are making you age faster without realizing it, according to psychology

8 little habits that are making you age faster without realizing it, according to psychology

Global English Editing

If you really want to be more productive, it might be time to say goodbye to these 7 common time-wasting habits

If you really want to be more productive, it might be time to say goodbye to these 7 common time-wasting habits

Small Business Bonfire

8 types of people who are more likely to suffer from burnout, according to psychology

8 types of people who are more likely to suffer from burnout, according to psychology

Global English Editing

Women who go to the gym alone without feeling self-conscious usually display these 8 traits

Women who go to the gym alone without feeling self-conscious usually display these 8 traits

Global English Editing