Earning the respect of your adult children goes beyond authority—it’s about mutual understanding, trust, and leading by example.
Certain behaviors, though unintentional, can create distance and erode respect over time.
If you want to foster a strong, respectful bond with your grown kids, here are eight behaviors to let go of for a healthier and more meaningful relationship.
Stay with me as I explore these behaviors and guide you on a path towards a stronger and more respectful relationship with your grown-up kids:
1) Stop trying to fix their problems
Being a parent, it’s almost instinctive to jump in and solve your kids’ problems, isn’t it?
But here’s the thing: Your children are adults now, and they need to learn how to tackle their own challenges.
If you keep swooping in to save the day, they might feel like you don’t trust them to handle their own affairs—not only that, but they may also start to resent you for always taking control.
Take a step back and—instead of offering solutions right away—try listening first, empathizing, and maybe even asking if they want your advice before giving it.
Respecting their autonomy is crucial as it shows that you trust them and their judgement.
2) Let go of the “always right” mentality
Let me share a personal story here: I remember this one time, my adult daughter was planning a road trip with her friends.
I had my own ideas about the route they should take and the places they should visit and I was pretty convinced my plan was the best.
But, instead of listening to her, I kept pushing my own agenda—I mean, I had more life experience, right?
So surely, I knew better.
Well, that didn’t go down well: My daughter felt unheard and invalidated and I realized that, by insisting on being “right”, I was actually pushing her away.
From that point on, I made a conscious effort to listen more and impose less; to respect her perspective even if it differed from mine.
And guess what? Our relationship improved significantly!
Remember, being open to your adult children’s ideas and opinions is key. It’s not about who’s right or wrong, it’s about mutual respect.
3) Kick the habit of constant criticism
Did you know that the human brain naturally focuses more on negative experiences than positive ones?
It’s a survival mechanism, designed to keep us safe from harm.
Now, imagine how damaging constant criticism can be: When your adult children only hear about their flaws and mistakes, it can seriously harm their self-esteem and create resentment towards you.
It’s important to balance out the criticism with praise—recognize their accomplishments, appreciate their efforts.
Show them respect by acknowledging their positives, and you’ll find that respect being reciprocated.
4) Stop comparing them to others
Each person on this earth is unique, and your adult children are no different.
Comparing them to their peers, or even their siblings, can lead to feelings of inadequacy and resentment—it’s a surefire way to damage the respect they have for you.
Celebrate their individual strengths and accomplishments, and encourage them to be the best version of themselves.
Respect their individuality, and they’re more likely to respect you in return.
5) Ditch the guilt trips
I’ve learned the hard way that guilt trips are a no-go if you’re aiming for respect from your adult children.
I remember using phrases like “After all I’ve done for you…” and expecting gratitude or compliance, but what I was met with was frustration and distance.
It took me a while to realize that this approach was damaging our relationship; it made them feel obligated rather than genuinely grateful or respectful.
So, I made a change: I started expressing my feelings directly and honestly, without trying to manipulate their emotions and it made a world of difference in how they responded to me.
Trust me, straightforward communication is far more effective than guilt trips in building respect.
6) Embrace your own flaws
Here’s something you might not expect: Admitting your own mistakes and flaws can actually increase the respect your adult children have for you.
Nobody’s perfect, and pretending to be can create an unrealistic expectation for your children to live up to.
When you’re open about your own shortcomings, it allows them to feel more comfortable with their own imperfections.
Go ahead and show them that it’s okay to be human, to make mistakes and learn from them.
7) Avoid overstepping boundaries
As your children grow into adults, it’s important to respect their personal space and boundaries.
This could mean refraining from giving unsolicited advice, respecting their privacy, or acknowledging their right to make decisions about their own lives.
Recognize that they are adults with their own values, priorities, and responsibilities as overstepping these boundaries can lead to resentment and a lack of respect.
A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect for each other’s individuality and independence.
8) Practice active listening
The most important thing you can do to earn respect from your adult children is to truly listen to them.
Active listening goes beyond just hearing words.
It’s about understanding the emotions and intentions behind the words.
It means giving them your full attention, showing empathy, and responding thoughtfully.
By practicing active listening, you show your adult children that their thoughts and feelings matter to you, and that level of respect is bound to be reciprocated.
In conclusion
Earning respect from your adult children isn’t about control or authority—it’s about understanding, listening, and honoring their individuality.
Respect is earned through how we treat others, especially those we hold dear.
As Theodore Roosevelt once said, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
This quote rings particularly true in the context of our relationship with our adult children.
Let’s take a step back, reflect on our behaviors, and start making those necessary changes today.
After all, it’s never too late to build a relationship of genuine respect with our grown-up kids!
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