Making new friends as we age can be a daunting task.
Often, we’re held back by habits we’ve formed over the years that no longer serve us.
Take it from me, the key to forging new friendships is all about letting go of certain practices that may be working against us.
In this article, I’ll share eight habits you might need to bid farewell to if you want to expand your social circle:
1) Being stuck in your ways
As we get older, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of doing things the same way.
We have our routines, our preferences, and we like what we like.
But here’s the thing: Sticking too rigidly to our ways can hinder us from making new friends.
Why? Well, it can make us seem unapproachable or set in our ways, which doesn’t exactly invite new people into our lives.
If we’re not open to new experiences, new ideas, or simply ‘new’, then how can we expect to attract new friends?
It’s time to say goodbye to this habit—start being more open-minded, try new things and be flexible.
Friendship is about connection and shared experiences; the more open you are to different things, the more opportunities you’ll have to meet new people and form meaningful friendships.
2) Being a conversation hog
I’ll be honest, I used to be a bit of a talker (to say the least).
I’d share stories and opinions without taking a breath, let alone allowing someone else to chime in.
One day, a good friend pulled me aside and pointed out my habit, and it was a wake-up call—I realized that by dominating conversations, I was actually stifling them.
Friendship isn’t a one-way street: It’s about give and take, listening and sharing.
As the Stoic philosopher Epictetus once said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”
By opening up the floor to others, we can learn so much more about them and build stronger connections.
Now, I make it a point to listen more than I speak in conversations.
And you know what? It’s made a huge difference in my relationships.
Not only have I made more friends, but the friendships are deeper and more meaningful.
Everyone has a story to tell: Give them the chance to share it, you might be surprised at what you learn.
3) Neglecting your appearance
This isn’t about vanity—it’s about respect for yourself and others.
When we present ourselves well, it sends a message that we care about our personal well-being.
People who take care of their appearance are more likely to make a positive first impression.
This isn’t limited to physical attractiveness, but also includes cleanliness, neatness, and appropriateness of attire.
Trust me, investing a little time in your appearance can have a huge impact on how others perceive you and their willingness to engage with you.
You don’t have to spend hours in front of the mirror—just make sure you look presentable when you step out.
You never know who you might meet!
4) Avoiding social events
It’s easy to find comfort in solitude, especially as we age—but if you’re looking to make new friends, you’ll need to put yourself out there.
Whether it’s a neighborhood gathering, a work event, or even an online meet-up, these occasions provide a platform for you to interact with others and potentially form new friendships.
Make a conscious effort to say “yes” more often when invited to social events.
Who knows? Your next best friend could be waiting for you at the next gathering you attend!
5) Holding onto past hurts
This is a big one: It’s easy to build walls around our hearts as we age—we’ve all been through disappointments, betrayals, and heartaches.
However, holding onto those past hurts only stops us from forming new connections.
This is well backed up by experts; for instance, those at VeryWell Mind have noted that “Having a bitter reaction to hurtful situations can cause estrangement from family members, ruin friendships, or otherwise limit the number of people with whom you socialize.”
Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning what happened, it means choosing to move forward.
It’s about giving yourself the freedom to love, trust, and connect again.
6) Fearing rejection
Rejection is a natural part of life, but as we age, the fear of it can become more pronounced, particularly when it comes to social interactions.
This fear might stem from past experiences or the worry that we’re not as adaptable or interesting as we once were.
Whatever the reason, fearing rejection can significantly inhibit our ability to make new friends.
The truth is, not every social attempt will lead to a lifelong friendship, and that’s okay.
It’s important to remember that rejection does not reflect your worth as a person; rather, it’s often about timing, compatibility, or circumstances that are out of your control.
To overcome this fear, start small—engage in low-stakes social interactions where the pressure to make a connection isn’t overwhelming.
You may also try to compliment a stranger, make small talk with a neighbor, or join a club where you share a common interest with others.
Each positive experience can build your confidence and lessen the fear of rejection.
7) Being overly critical
When we’re quick to judge, we might miss out on getting to know someone who could become a great friend.
Nobody’s perfect—not even us—so, it’s important to approach others with openness and understanding.
If you find yourself being overly critical, try to shift your perspective.
Instead of focusing on people’s flaws, try to see their strengths.
You’ll find that everyone has something unique and beautiful to offer.
8) Not making the first move
If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this, it’s this: don’t be afraid to make the first move.
Friendship isn’t going to come knocking on your door—you have to go out there and create it.
Take the initiative by reaching out to that person you’ve been wanting to get to know or inviting someone for a coffee or a walk.
Every great friendship starts with a simple “hello.”
The heart of the matter
That just about wraps it up for today, folks.
Each of these habits represents a common barrier that might be holding you back, but with a little effort and a lot of openness, you can overcome them.
Start today by choosing one habit to work on, and watch as your world begins to open up.
Here’s to new friendships and a vibrant social life at any age!
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