Maintaining a strong bond with your children as they grow older is no small feat. It requires flexibility, understanding, and a willingness to change.
Certain behaviors that may have worked when they were younger could actually push them away as they mature. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but necessary if you want to keep that bond strong.
Letting go of these behaviors doesn’t mean you love them any less. Instead, it shows that you respect their growing independence and individuality.
Below, we delve into the 9 behaviors you need to say goodbye to if you want to maintain that precious bond with your children as they, and you, get older.
1) Overbearing expectations
As your children grow older, their individuality begins to truly shine. They develop their own interests, dreams, and ambitions.
Parents, out of love and concern, sometimes set high expectations. These expectations could be based on your own ambitions or unrealized dreams. But, it’s crucial to remember that your child is not you.
Yes, it’s important to have expectations and standards. But when these become overbearing, your child may feel suffocated or unable to meet your demands.
This can create a rift in your relationship. Your child may start to hide things from you or avoid conversations about their life.
Instead, encourage them to follow their own path. Show interest in their passions, even if they differ from your own. This shows them that you respect their autonomy and individuality.
Doing so will not only strengthen your bond but also foster a sense of trust and openness between you and your children as they grow older.
2) Neglecting open communication
Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. This is especially true between parents and children.
I remember when my eldest started high school. It was a big change for her, and she was clearly struggling to adjust. But instead of openly discussing her worries, I brushed it off as typical teenage moodiness.
This was a mistake.
She started to withdraw, spending more time alone in her room. The strong bond we had seemed to be fraying. That’s when I realized that I had failed to provide her with a safe space to express her feelings.
So, I changed my approach. I started asking about her day, her friends, her thoughts. I made sure she knew that no topic was off-limits, no thought too trivial to share.
Slowly but surely, she began opening up again. Our bond strengthened, and she navigated high school with more confidence knowing she always had someone to talk to.
Neglecting open communication can create a disconnection between you and your child. It’s crucial to ensure that they feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings with you, regardless of how big or small they may seem.
3) Avoiding apologies
Parents are humans, and like all humans, we make mistakes. We may lose our temper, make unfair judgments, or fail to keep a promise. However, many parents find it difficult to apologize to their children, thinking it undermines their authority.
Contrary to this belief, research has shown that parents who apologize to their children help foster a healthy relationship. It teaches them about accountability and humility.
When you apologize to your child, you’re showing them that it’s okay to make mistakes as long as we take responsibility for them. This not only strengthens your bond but also builds trust and respect.
Remember, the goal isn’t to be a perfect parent–there’s no such thing. It’s about being a real, honest, and respectful figure in your child’s life.
4) Ignoring their opinions
As your children grow, they start forming their own opinions and perspectives. It’s a natural part of their development.
However, it’s easy to fall into the trap of dismissing these opinions just because they’re young. “They’re too young to understand,” we might think. But this can be damaging to your relationship.
When you dismiss or ignore your child’s opinion, you’re indirectly telling them that their thoughts and feelings aren’t important. This can lead to feelings of insignificance and can create a barrier in your relationship.
Instead, encourage them to express their opinions. Engage in discussions with them and show them that their thoughts have value. This fosters a sense of self-worth and keeps the channels of communication open between you and your child.
5) Neglecting ‘me time’
As parents, we often put our children’s needs ahead of our own. While it’s natural to want to provide the best for them, it’s equally important to take care of ourselves.
Neglecting ‘me time’ can lead to exhaustion and stress, which can inadvertently affect your relationship with your children. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Ensuring you have time for yourself isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. Whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or simply enjoying a cup of coffee in peace, taking time for yourself can help you recharge and be the best parent you can be.
Remember, a happy and healthy parent is the best gift you can give to your child.
6) Holding onto past mistakes
Our children are bound to make mistakes as they grow – it’s a part of learning and maturing. And as parents, it can be challenging to see them stumble.
However, holding onto their past mistakes and bringing them up repeatedly can cause lasting damage to your bond. It can create a sense of guilt and resentment in your child, making them feel they can’t move forward.
Letting go of past mistakes doesn’t mean we are ignoring what happened. It means we are choosing to focus on the lessons learned and the growth that came from it.
Every mistake is an opportunity for growth. By helping them understand this, you’re not only strengthening your bond but also teaching them a valuable life lesson. Show them that their mistakes don’t define them, but how they learn from them does.
7) Constant comparison
In a world full of achievements and accolades, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing our children to others. I’m guilty of this, too.
When my youngest struggled with reading, I found myself comparing him to his older brother who had flourished at the same age. But all this did was create unnecessary pressure and tension.
Each child is unique, with their own strengths and weaknesses. Comparing them to others can lead to feelings of inadequacy and resentment. It can erode their self-confidence and strain your relationship.
Recognizing and celebrating their individuality fosters a sense of self-worth. It shows them that you value them for who they are, not for how they measure up against others. This is key to maintaining a strong bond as they grow older.
8) Overprotectiveness
It’s natural for parents to want to protect their children. After all, it’s our job to keep them safe. But there’s a fine line between being protective and being overprotective.
Overprotection can stifle your child’s growth and independence. It can lead to feelings of suffocation and rebellion, which can strain your relationship.
As they grow older, it’s important to loosen the reins a little. Let them make their own decisions, face their own challenges, and learn from their own mistakes.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t guide and support them. But allowing them the freedom to grow and learn at their own pace fosters a sense of trust and respect, which is crucial in maintaining a strong bond with your children as they get older.
9) Lack of appreciation
One of the most powerful ways to strengthen your bond with your children as they get older is by showing appreciation. Too often, we take their efforts and good behavior for granted.
A simple “Thank you” or “I’m proud of you” can go a long way in making them feel valued and loved. When they feel appreciated, they’re more likely to reciprocate the feeling and show their appreciation towards you.
Appreciation is more than just words. It’s a reflection of the respect and admiration you have for your child. It’s the foundation of a healthy, loving relationship that can stand the test of time.
Final thoughts: It’s about love and respect
The essence of maintaining a strong bond with your children as they grow older lies in the core values of love and respect.
Love is not just about providing for them, but also understanding their individual needs and respecting their growing independence.
Respect is about giving them the space to grow, make mistakes, and learn from them. It’s about valuing their opinions, appreciating their efforts, and acknowledging their individuality.
Renowned child psychologist Haim Ginott once said, “Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.” As parents, our behaviors leave a lasting impression on our children.
The goal isn’t to be perfect. It’s about being present, adaptable, and conscious of the influence our behaviors have on our children.
As we say goodbye to these behaviors, we open a pathway to a more understanding, respectful, and loving relationship with our children. A relationship that evolves with time, just like our children do.
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