Building a strong and fulfilling relationship with your adult children often requires letting go of habits that may have worked during their childhood but no longer serve the dynamic as they grow older.
These behaviors can unintentionally create distance or tension, even when they stem from love and concern.
To foster trust, mutual respect, and deeper connection, it’s essential to adapt and evolve.
Let’s explore eight behaviors to say goodbye to if you want a much better relationship with your adult children—and what to embrace instead.
1) Letting go of the urge to control
Control is as tempting as it gets.
You’ve been your child’s guide since the moment they were born, teaching them what’s right and wrong, so naturally, it feels wrong when you see them making decisions you don’t agree with.
But here’s the thing: They’re adults now.
As hard as it may be to accept, they have their own lives to lead, filled with their own mistakes to make and lessons to learn.
Trying to control their every move is only going to push them away—instead of giving unsolicited advice, try listening and being supportive.
Remember, your role is no longer the decision-maker but an advisor.
Letting go of control might feel like losing your child, but in reality, it only strengthens your relationship with them.
2) Saying goodbye to being judgmental
Being judgmental, now that’s a tough one.
I remember the first time my daughter came home with a tattoo.
I was shocked, to say the least—I mean, what was she thinking?
I had never been a fan of tattoos and was quick to express my disapproval!
But then, something dawned on me: It was her body, her choice.
And, most importantly, it wasn’t a reflection of her character or capabilities.
As I began to step back and stop judging her choices, something amazing happened.
We started having more open and honest conversations.
Suddenly, we were not just parent and child, but two adults sharing their thoughts and experiences.
It was a game-changer for our relationship.
My advice? Let go of judgments as it’s their life, and your role is to guide, not judge.
3) Moving past the need to always be right
The human brain tends to defend its beliefs, even in the face of contradictory evidence; it’s a phenomenon known as ‘cognitive dissonance.’
Basically, we’re all wired to want to be right.
But when it comes to your relationship with your adult children, this can be a roadblock.
Insisting on always having the last word can lead to endless disputes and create a rift between you.
Instead, strive for understanding and empathy—accept that you might not always be right, and that’s okay.
Agreeing to disagree can sometimes be the most mature decision you can make.
Remember: It’s not about winning an argument, but maintaining a healthy relationship.
4) Refraining from unsolicited advice
As a parent, it’s in your nature to want to protect your child. And that often comes in the form of advice—lots of it.
But as your children grow into adults, these well-intentioned words of wisdom may start to feel like an intrusion on their autonomy.
So instead, try to hold back.
Wait for them to come to you and ask for your opinion or advice.
When they do, make sure you’re there, ready to listen and help.
This simple shift can make a significant difference—it shows respect for their independence and their ability to make their own decisions.
And who knows? You might be pleasantly surprised at how capable they’ve become!
5) Avoiding comparisons
Comparing your children to others, even their own siblings, can seem like a harmless way of motivating them.
But, in reality, it’s anything but.
I used to compare my two sons all the time: It was my misguided attempt to encourage them to work harder or be more like their brother.
But all it did was breed resentment and tension—so I stopped.
Instead, I started appreciating their unique qualities and accomplishments.
And guess what? Their relationship with each other improved, and so did my relationship with them.
Every child is unique and incomparable.
Celebrate their individuality, and they’ll feel more loved and appreciated—trust me on this one.
6) Not overstepping their privacy
We often think that as parents, we have an all-access pass to our children’s lives.
Yet, just as you value your privacy, so do your adult children.
You might think that asking about their financial status or relationship details is just showing concern.
However, these well-meaning inquiries could be perceived as intrusive.
Giving them the space and privacy they need might seem like you’re distancing yourself, but it’s quite the opposite.
It shows respect for their independence and helps foster mutual trust.
7) Eliminating the blame game
It’s easy to point fingers when things go wrong, especially when you’re emotionally charged.
But blaming your adult child for every mishap or misunderstanding can create a hostile environment—leading to feelings of guilt, resentment, and even lower their self-esteem.
Instead, aim for constructive conversations; talk about the issue at hand without assigning blame.
This allows for better understanding and paves the way for solutions rather than arguments.
Keep in mind that the goal is to resolve conflicts, not to determine who’s at fault.
8) Mastering the art of listening
If there’s one thing you take away from this, let it be this—learn to listen.
Listening goes beyond just hearing words.
It’s about understanding, empathizing, and showing your adult children that they matter, their feelings matter.
When they talk, give them your full attention; don’t interrupt, don’t judge, just listen.
This simple act can create a safe space for open dialogue and deepen your bond.
In the end, your ability to truly listen might just be the most powerful tool you have to improve your relationship with your adult children.
Closing thoughts
Improving your relationship with adult children isn’t about control—it’s about respect.
Respect their autonomy, decisions, and privacy while recognizing their growth into adulthood.
Your role evolves from guardian to guide, and your bond is defined not by how much you know about their lives, but by how much they trust you with it.
Reflect on these points and consider small changes that foster mutual respect and understanding.
Because the strongest relationships thrive on trust, respect, and connection—and that’s what truly matters!
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