If you recognize these 8 subtle phrases, you’re dealing with a highly manipulative person

Manipulation is a tricky beast. It’s subtle, often cloaked in well-meaning words and deeds, but with a hidden agenda.

When someone is trying to manipulate you, they’re not giving you the full story. They’re pulling strings behind the scenes to make you dance to their tune, without revealing their true intentions.

You might feel something is off, but can’t quite put your finger on it. That’s where I come in. I’m here to help you spot the signs and arm yourself against manipulation.

In this article, we’ll dive into 8 subtle phrases that manipulative people commonly use. By knowing what to look out for, you can protect yourself and take back control.

So let’s get started, shall we?

1) “You owe me…”

Manipulation often finds its roots in the realm of obligation.

A highly manipulative person knows how to use guilt as a tool. They might frame things in a way that makes you feel indebted to them, subtly weaving a web of obligation around you.

The phrase “You owe me…” is a classic example. It’s a clever tactic that plays on your sense of duty and fairness. It suggests you’re in their debt and you need to repay them, usually by doing what they want.

But here’s the thing: true relationships aren’t about keeping score. They’re about kindness, understanding, and mutual respect, not a running tally of who owes what to whom.

So, when you hear someone frequently saying “You owe me…”, take note. You might just be dealing with a manipulator.

And remember, it’s okay to push back and question this perceived debt. After all, your decisions should be based on what’s right for you, not what you supposedly owe someone else.

2) “I’m just being honest…”

Now, honesty is usually a virtue. But manipulators have a knack for twisting virtues into weapons.

“I’m just being honest…” is a phrase I’ve personally encountered, and it’s a sneaky one. It usually comes right before or after a harsh critique or negative comment.

The manipulator uses it as a shield to protect themselves from any backlash, making it seem like they’re doing you a favor by being brutally honest.

I remember a friend who consistently used this phrase. She would say things like, “I’m just being honest, but your new haircut doesn’t suit you at all,” or “I’m just being honest, but you’re not really good at cooking.”

It took me a while to realize that she was using this ‘honesty’ to undermine my confidence and make herself feel superior.

But real honesty is respectful and considerate. It’s not used to put others down. So if someone is hiding behind the “I’m just being honest…” line too often, be wary. You might be dealing with manipulation in disguise.

3) “No one else would…”

Manipulative people are great at creating a sense of exclusivity. They want you to believe that you’re lucky to have them because no one else would put up with you, help you, or love you the way they do.

The phrase “No one else would…” is used to make you feel dependent on them, and it is a form of psychological manipulation called gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a technique manipulators use to make you doubt your perception of reality. It’s named after the 1938 play (and later 1944 film) “Gaslight,” where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s going insane.

When someone repeatedly says this phrase, they’re effectively trying to gaslight you into thinking that without them, you’d be alone or unsuccessful. This can lead to feelings of worthlessness and dependency, exactly what the manipulator wants.

4) “If you really cared, you would…”

Manipulation often comes cloaked in the guise of care and concern. One phrase manipulators love to use is, “If you really cared, you would…”

This phrase is designed to make you question your feelings and obligations towards the person. It suggests that your care or love for them is conditional on your willingness to meet their demands.

For example, a manipulative friend might say, “If you really cared about our friendship, you would lend me the money.” This puts you in a difficult position where saying ‘no’ makes it seem like you don’t value the relationship.

But here’s the thing: expressing care and affection shouldn’t be transactional. It’s not about doing everything the other person wants. A healthy relationship involves boundaries and respect for each other’s choices.

Next time someone tries to pull the “If you really cared, you would…” card, recognize it for what it is: a manipulation tactic. It’s okay to care about someone and still say ‘no.’

5) “After all I’ve done for you…”

This phrase is a heart-tugger. It’s designed to make you feel guilty and ungrateful. The manipulator uses it to remind you of their past favors or sacrifices, implying that you owe them for these deeds.

They might say, “After all I’ve done for you, how could you refuse to help me now?” This creates an emotional debt that they expect you to repay by doing what they want.

But true acts of kindness and love don’t come with strings attached. They aren’t a down payment on future favors. They’re given freely and without expectation of a return.

So when someone frequently says, “After all I’ve done for you…” and expects something in return, it’s a red flag. They’re trying to manipulate your emotions and obligations, not express genuine care and concern.

Remember, you don’t owe anyone for their kindness. It’s okay to appreciate what they’ve done without feeling obliged to meet their every demand.

6) “I never said that…”

This phrase is part of a manipulator’s toolkit to make you question your memory or perception. It’s a form of gaslighting, designed to make you doubt yourself and trust their version of events instead.

I’ve experienced this firsthand with an old acquaintance of mine.

We’d have discussions where he’d clearly say something hurtful or offensive. Later, when confronted, he’d conveniently deny it, saying, “I never said that…”. This left me questioning my own memory and feeling confused and frustrated.

This is a classic manipulation tactic. By denying their words or actions, manipulators make you feel unsure of your own recollections, making it easier for them to control the narrative.

So if someone frequently denies their words or actions saying, “I never said that…”, be cautious. You’re not crazy. Trust your instincts and your memory. It might be time to reevaluate your relationship with this person.

7) “You’re too sensitive…”

This phrase is a classic move in a manipulator’s playbook. It’s used to invalidate your feelings and reactions. Instead of acknowledging that they may have done something wrong, they shift the blame onto you for reacting “too strongly.”

The phrase “You’re too sensitive…” is a form of emotional manipulation called victim-blaming. By blaming you for being too sensitive, they avoid taking responsibility for their actions and make you feel guilty instead.

But here’s the thing: your feelings are valid. If something hurts you, it’s okay to express that. You’re not being overly sensitive; you’re asserting your boundaries.

So if someone frequently tells you, “You’re too sensitive…”, take note. It’s a sign of manipulative behavior, and it might be time to reconsider your relationship with that person. Remember, it’s okay to stand up for yourself and your feelings.

8) “Don’t you trust me?”

Trust is the foundation of any relationship. But manipulative people can weaponize it to serve their own agenda.

The phrase “Don’t you trust me?” is a powerful tool in a manipulator’s arsenal. They use it to make you feel guilty for questioning their actions or motives. It creates a pressure to comply with their wishes, because not doing so would imply that you don’t trust them.

But here’s the golden rule: Trust is earned, not owed. It’s okay to question things if they don’t feel right, even in the presence of trust. It’s okay to protect your boundaries and safeguard your wellbeing.

If someone uses the “Don’t you trust me?” card to manipulate you into doing something you’re uncomfortable with, it’s a serious red flag.

You’re not being distrustful; you’re being discerning. And that’s not just okay, it’s essential.

Final thoughts: The power lies within you

Recognizing manipulation isn’t always easy. It’s often camouflaged in subtle phrases, cloaked in familiarity and affection, making it difficult to discern the manipulative intent.

But here’s the empowering reality: You have the ability to identify and combat manipulation. The fact that you’re reading this article shows your willingness to learn and grow, to protect yourself from being manipulated.

Remember, your emotions, your memories, your feelings – they are all valid. Do not let anyone undermine them. Trust in yourself and your perceptions. And remember that it’s okay to set boundaries and say ‘no’.

In the end, the core of any genuine relationship should be respect for each other’s feelings and autonomy – not manipulation. So as you navigate your interactions with others, keep this insight close at heart.

May it empower you to stand up against manipulation and encourage you to foster healthier, more respectful relationships.