If you really want to be a good role model for your adult children, say goodbye to these 9 behaviors

As we get older, one thing becomes crystal clear — parenting doesn’t magically end when our kids turn 18. If anything, they may need us even more as they navigate the twists and turns of adulthood.

But here’s the catch: if we want to be a source of wisdom and support, we might need to rethink a few of our own habits.

Let’s be honest — we’ve all got behaviors that could use a little fine-tuning. No judgment here!

Growth doesn’t have an expiration date, and every step we take to improve ourselves makes us better guides for our adult children.

So, if you’re ready to show up as your best self (and maybe even surprise your kids a little), let’s jump in.

We’ll look at some common habits that could be doing more harm than good — and how to flip the script.

1) Blame game

Now, we’ve all been there. Someone upsets us or something goes wrong and our immediate reaction is to point a finger. It’s human nature, right?

But here’s the kicker: it’s not exactly a healthy habit, especially when we’re trying to set a good example for our adult children.

Pointing the blame at others, especially when we’re at fault, creates a culture of irresponsibility and defensiveness. And let’s be honest, that’s not what we want to pass onto our grown-up kids.

So next time you find yourself on the cusp of playing that blame game, take a deep breath and step back.

Owning up to our mistakes and handling the situation with grace is the way to go. Trust me, your adult children will admire your strength and learn from it.

2) “Do as I say, not as I do” mentality

You know, there was this one time when my son, now a proud father himself, called me out on something that hit home. I used to be a bit of a workaholic, always busy, glued to my laptop or phone.

I’d tell him, “Son, make sure you balance your work and personal life,” while doing the exact opposite myself.

One day he turned to me and said, “Dad, how can I follow your advice when you’re not living it yourself?”

Ouch! But he was spot on.

It made me realize the power of our actions over words. We can’t preach balance and health and then burn the midnight oil regularly. It’s high time we let go of this ‘do as I say, not as I do’ attitude.

We need to lead by example because if there’s anything I’ve learned from that conversation with my son, it’s that our adult kids are still watching and learning from us.

3) Constant urge to fix things

As parents, our instinct is to swoop in and save the day whenever our kids face a problem. This is true even when they’re all grown up.

But did you know that this behavior can actually hinder their growth?

Parents should allow their adult children to navigate their own challenges. This fosters resilience and problem-solving skills.

By constantly stepping in, we rob them of the opportunity to learn and grow from their own experiences.

So resist the urge to intervene straight away. Instead, offer your support and guidance, but let them take the reins. It’s a tough act to balance, but absolutely worth it.

4) Not having a resilient  mindset

Now, if there’s one thing that’s critical to navigating life’s ups and downs, it’s mental toughness or resilience. We all want our adult children to be able to bounce back from adversity, right?

Funny thing is, our actions often speak louder than our words. We can’t expect them to display resilience if we crumble at the first sign of trouble.

We need to show them what mental toughness looks like in real life.

In my book, The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness, I delve deeper into how we can cultivate this essential trait and, in turn, inspire our adult children to do the same.

By demonstrating how we handle setbacks with grace and determination, we can teach our grown-up kids more about resilience than any book or seminar ever could.

5) Perfectionism

I’ll be honest, I used to be a bit of a perfectionist. Everything had to be just so, from my work to my home, even my appearance. It was exhausting trying to keep up this flawless image, especially when life is anything but perfect.

I worried that if my adult children saw any cracks in the facade, they’d think less of me. But what I didn’t realize was that this unrealistic expectation was doing more harm than good.

Over time, I learned that it’s okay to let the imperfections show. In fact, it’s more than okay; it’s essential.

When our adult kids see us dealing with life’s messiness – making mistakes, facing failure, and picking ourselves up again – they learn that it’s all part of being human.

So, let’s say goodbye to the illusion of perfection and embrace our beautifully flawed selves. It’s one of the most valuable lessons we can pass on to our adult children.

6) Need to be in control

Now, here’s a bit of a curveball. As parents, we often feel this inherent need to be in control – to steer our kids in the “right” direction, even when they’re adults.

But ironically, sometimes being a good role model means knowing when to let go.

Trying to control every aspect of our adult children’s lives can lead to resentment and stifle their independence. They need the freedom to make their own choices and learn from their own experiences.

Sure, it’s tough letting them make their own mistakes, but remember, it’s an essential part of their growth.

So let’s take a step back and trust them to find their own way. It might be counter-intuitive, but sometimes letting go is the best way we can guide them.

7) Constant negativity

We all have those days when the world seems to be against us, and all we want to do is vent. But remember, our adult children are often on the receiving end of our rants and complaints.

Constant negativity can create a toxic environment and affect their outlook on life. Instead, we should strive to cultivate a positive atmosphere, showing them how to handle life’s challenges with optimism and grace.

Of course, it’s okay to share our worries and frustrations with them. After all, they’re adults now.

But let’s make sure we’re also highlighting the positives and showing gratitude for the good in our lives. This way, we model a balanced and healthy perspective that they can emulate.

8) Constant criticism

Growing up, my father was a hard man to please. No matter what I did, it never seemed good enough. As I raised my own kids, I realized I didn’t want them to feel that same pressure.

So here’s the deal: We all want our adult children to strive for greatness, but constant criticism can have the opposite effect. It can lead to low self-esteem and create a fear of taking risks.

Instead, let’s choose to encourage and support them in their endeavors, acknowledging their efforts rather than focusing solely on the results. Constructive feedback is vital, but let’s make sure it’s balanced with praise and recognition.

Our adult children are more likely to take our advice and learn from us if they feel understood and appreciated.

9) Say goodbye to ‘parent knows best’ mindset

Here’s the thing.

As parents, we’ve lived longer, seen more, and thus, we often believe that we know what’s best for our children.

But guess what? Our adult children are fully capable individuals with their own perspectives and experiences.

Insisting that we always know best can undermine their confidence and decision-making abilities. It’s important to respect their opinions and choices, even when they differ from our own.

Being a good role model isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about showing them how to find their own.

So let’s set aside our ‘parent knows best’ mindset and start treating our adult children as equals. It might just be the most valuable lesson we can teach them.

Final thoughts: It’s all about growth

Being a role model to our adult children isn’t about striving for perfection — it’s about embracing growth. It’s about showing, not telling, that learning, evolving, and striving to be better is a lifelong journey.

Our actions speak louder than words, and when our children see us navigating life with intention and self-reflection, it shapes how they view their own potential.

The way we carry ourselves — our attitudes, decisions, and responses — leaves a lasting imprint on how they perceive the world. That’s no small responsibility, but it’s also a profound opportunity.

By modeling growth and accountability, we’re giving them permission to do the same.

In my book, The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness, I explore how to build these qualities within ourselves and inspire them in our adult children.

Resilience and growth go hand in hand, and by embracing this mindset, we empower not only ourselves but the next generation.

So, let’s let go of behaviors that hold us back and step into a space of growth, reflection, and strength. Because the most valuable gift we can offer our children isn’t perfection — it’s the example of a life lived with courage, growth, and heart.