Here’s how the parenting style you didn’t know was damaging might still be affecting you, according to a therapist

It’s well known that helicopter parenting can lead to a sense of learned helplessness in young adults, but another damaging aspect of this parenting style is often overlooked. A therapist has revealed that “misattuned helicopter parents,” who are physically present but emotionally neglectful, can cause long-term trauma for their children. This trauma, identified as chronic invalidation of a child’s emotional needs, can continue to impact the individual into adulthood.

@stephanne221 Replying to @Steph the Attachment Therapist chronic invalidation significantly disrupts healthy child development and can result in emotional neglect wounds. A lot of people mistake emotional neglect wounds for absence of presence, i want to show you how a parent who is constantly present but misattuned can create intense and highly reactive emotional neglect wounds. #emotions #emotional #neglect #emotionalneglect #neglectwound #invalidation #cptsd #childhoodtrauma #bpd #childhood #trauma #attachment #attachmentstyle #attachmentissues #healing #selfimprovement #selfgrowth #healingprocess #healingjourney #mentalhealth #therapy #therapytok #therapistsontiktok #relationships #fyp #foryou ♬ original sound – Steph the Attachment Therapist

Stephanie, a licensed mental health counselor and a licensed marriage and family therapist, took to social media to educate her followers about the effects of being raised by a “misattuned helicopter parent”. She identified key signs that indicate a person may have been raised in this manner.

The first sign Stephanie highlighted is frequent invalidation of your experiences as a child. Parents who dismiss their children’s feelings or experiences, or refuse to acknowledge medical or psychological conditions, contribute to their child feeling chronically gaslit and invalidated. This can be particularly damaging for neurodivergent individuals whose unique emotional needs are often disregarded.

Secondly, Stephanie noted that these parents often had a ‘misattuned’ response to their child’s emotions. Despite being physically present and active in their child’s life, they fail to understand or respond effectively to their child’s emotional needs. This misattunement often stems from the parent’s own fears surrounding their child’s negative emotions and failures.

Another sign is the parent’s attempt to ‘overcontrol’ the environment. These parents might spoil their children with gifts or alleviate certain tasks from their routines in an attempt to eliminate any sadness or frustration from their lives. According to Stephanie, this response hinders the child’s ability to self-regulate and problem-solve.

Finally, resorting to ‘toxic positivity’ is another indication of misattuned helicopter parenting. These parents may try to downplay or invalidate their child’s emotional distress by forcing a positive mindset. This approach inhibits the child from understanding and accepting the complexities of their emotions.

Stephanie argued that while occasional misattunement is natural, frequent and intense misattunement can cause confusion and emotional dysregulation as the child grows up. She emphasized that a parent’s physical presence isn’t enough; they also need to respond effectively to their child’s emotional distress by embracing it as a natural experience and teaching them healthy coping mechanisms. Without this, children can grow up feeling chronically invalidated and emotionally wounded, carrying these patterns into adulthood.

The issue Stephanie highlights is an important one in the broader context of mental health and parenting. It speaks to a pattern where parents, despite their best intentions, can unknowingly contribute to their children’s emotional distress. This phenomenon of “misattuned helicopter parenting” underscores the complexity of emotional neglect, which can occur even in the presence of physical care and attention.

The implications of this type of parenting are significant. Children raised in such environments grow up without learning how to effectively manage their emotions or cope with distress. This lack of emotional maturity can translate into challenges in adulthood, including difficulties in relationships and struggles with self-regulation.

Furthermore, Stephanie’s insights add a new layer to our understanding of helicopter parenting. Often criticized for fostering a sense of learned helplessness among young adults, this style of parenting is now also associated with emotional neglect and invalidation. It broadens the conversation about the impacts of parenting styles on children’s mental health, emphasizing the importance of emotional validation and attunement.

This discussion is part of a larger shift towards focusing on emotional well-being and mental health in children. There is a growing recognition that physical presence and involvement in a child’s life are not enough. Parents also need to be emotionally available and responsive, validating their child’s experiences and teaching them how to cope with negative emotions in a healthy way.

In conclusion, Stephanie’s observations serve as a reminder for parents to reflect on their interactions with their children. They underscore the importance of being not just physically present but also emotionally attuned, validating their child’s experiences and feelings rather than dismissing them or resorting to toxic positivity. After all, parenting involves more than just providing for physical needs – it also involves nurturing emotional growth and resilience.