Childhood is a powerful period of our lives, isn’t it? It’s the time when we learn all the basics – how to walk, talk, tie our shoes.
But according to psychology, it’s also when we pick up certain behaviors that stick with us for life.
That’s right, a whopping 98% of us will carry some childhood behaviors into adulthood, much like a little piece of our younger selves tagging along.
And the catch is – we might not even realize it!
Hey there, I’m Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit and a bit of a mindfulness enthusiast.
Now, let’s get right into it.
1) Our emotional reactions
Isn’t it fascinating how our emotions can sometimes seem to take control? Well, it turns out, a lot of those emotional responses were ingrained during our childhood.
According to psychologists, the ways we react emotionally to certain situations are often patterns we developed as kids.
Whether it’s a fear of heights sparked by a tumble from the jungle gym or an instinctive smile at the smell of cookies baking because it reminds us of grandma, these reactions are deep-seated and hard to shake.
And it doesn’t stop at simple reactions. These emotional patterns can also dictate how we handle stress, conflict, and even love.
Think about it – ever noticed how some people instinctively withdraw in conflict, while others tend to confront it head-on? Yep, those reactions are likely learned in childhood.
As famous psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.”
But when it comes to these ingrained emotional responses, such change can be incredibly challenging for most.
2) Our attitude towards money
Money. It’s a topic that many of us find uncomfortable, isn’t it?
Much of our attitude towards money – how we save, spend, and value it – is shaped during our early years.
I’ll let you in on a personal example. Growing up, my family didn’t have much to spare. Every penny was accounted for, every expenditure was carefully considered.
And that instilled in me a sense of frugality. Even today, as the founder of Hack Spirit, I find myself second-guessing every purchase, weighing its value against its cost.
It’s a behavior from my childhood that has never really left me.
It’s not just about being thrifty or splurging though. Our attitudes towards money can also influence our work ethics, financial goals, and even our self-worth.
3) Our relationship with authority
How we interact with figures of authority is another behavior that’s deeply rooted in our childhood.
Think about it, our first experiences with authority are likely with our parents or teachers.
In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego”, I dive into how these early interactions can shape our approach towards authority throughout our lives.
For instance, if, as a child, you were encouraged to question and understand rules rather than blindly follow them, you might grow into an adult who values autonomy and seeks rationale before complying with authority.
On the other hand, if rules were enforced strictly without room for questioning in your childhood, you might tend to respect and follow authority without questioning as an adult.
These behaviors aren’t set in stone and can be relearned with mindfulness and effort.
As influential psychologist Albert Bandura noted, “Learning is not compulsory… neither is survival.” A reminder that continuous learning and adaptation are key to thriving in life.
4) Our communication style
Ever stopped to consider why we communicate the way we do?
Well, psychology suggests that our communication style is another childhood behavior that the majority of us carry into adulthood.
In early childhood, we start to learn how to express our needs and emotions, and how we react to the responses we get can shape our future communication.
If you were encouraged to express your feelings and your expressions were met with understanding and validation, you’re more likely to develop into an adult who communicates openly and effectively.
Conversely, if your expressions were often ignored or discouraged during your childhood, you might develop a tendency to suppress your feelings or struggle with articulating them as an adult.
This is not just about verbal communication. Non-verbal cues like body language, facial expressions and even our tone of voice are all influenced by our early experiences.
No matter your starting point, understanding these patterns can be the first step towards healthier communication.
As esteemed psychologist Daniel Goleman said, “Emotional self-awareness is the building block of the next fundamental emotional intelligence: being able to shake off a bad mood”.
In essence, by understanding our emotional behaviors, we can better control them to communicate more effectively.
5) Our eating habits
Here’s something that might surprise you – even our eating habits are largely influenced by our childhood behaviors.
No, I’m not just talking about your preference for pasta over peas that started when you were a toddler. It goes deeper than mere food choices. It’s about how we relate to food.
If you were raised in a household where eating was associated with comfort and reward (like getting a candy bar after completing your homework), you might develop emotional eating habits as an adult, turning to food for solace or joy.
Conversely, if you grew up in an environment where food was scarce or eating was highly regulated, you might grow into an adult who struggles with portion control or has an unhealthy relationship with food.
It’s an aspect of our lives that many of us don’t often associate with our childhood, but psychology suggests it’s a key behavior that most of us carry into adulthood.
As renowned psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk said, “As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself…The critical issue is allowing yourself to know what you know. That takes an enormous amount of courage.”
6) Our response to failure
How we handle failure is another behavior that’s largely influenced by our childhood.
Some of us might bounce back from setbacks with resilience, while others find it harder to recover.
This can be traced back to how our early failures were handled.
If your mistakes were met with encouragement and seen as learning opportunities, chances are you’ve grown into an adult who views failure as a stepping stone to success.
However, if your childhood errors were met with harsh criticism or disappointment, you may have developed a fear of failure that can hold you back as an adult.
7) Our self-esteem
Every one of us carries an inner voice, a running commentary on our lives that’s been with us since we were children. And this voice can have a significant impact on our self-esteem.
In households where positive reinforcement, love and acceptance were freely given, this inner voice tends to be one of encouragement and positivity.
It’s a voice that says, “You’re doing great,” “You’re worth it,” or “You can do this.”
On the flip side, in environments where criticism was more common than praise, this inner voice might be harsher, filled with self-doubt and negativity.
Even today, it can sometimes whisper, “You’re not good enough,” “You’ll mess up,” or “Don’t even try.”
In conclusion
The behaviors we pick up in childhood run deep, affecting various aspects of our lives in ways we may not even realize. From emotional reactions to attitudes towards money, authority, failure, and even food – these ingrained habits are a part of who we are.
But understanding these connections can lead to self-awareness and, ultimately, self-improvement. It’s about recognizing these patterns, reflecting on their origins, and deciding if they align with who we want to be as adults.
In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego”, I delve deeper into how understanding ourselves better can lead to personal growth and fulfillment.
Remember, just because something is a part of your past doesn’t mean it has to dictate your future. As renowned psychologist Rollo May said, “The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice, it’s conformity.”
By understanding these behaviors from our childhood, we can choose whether to conform to them or have the courage to chart our own path.
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