Narcissists have a knack for turning arguments into their own personal stage. They know how to twist the narrative to suit their needs, often leaving the other person bewildered and questioning their own sanity.
These masters of manipulation have certain go-to tactics they love to employ in any dispute. Thanks to psychology, we can shed some light on these strategies.
In this article, we’re going to explore eight things narcissists love to bring up in an argument. These insights could be a game-changer in how you deal with that narcissist in your life.
Let’s get started.
1) Gaslighting
When it comes to arguments, narcissists have mastered a particular tactic known as gaslighting. This term, coined from a 1944 movie “Gaslight”, refers to the act of manipulating someone into questioning their own reality.
Ever been in an argument where you’re suddenly made to feel like you’re losing your grip on reality? That’s gaslighting, and it’s a narcissist’s favorite tool. They’ll make you question your own memory, perception, or even sanity, all to win an argument.
The trickery in this is how subtly they do it, often leaving the victim confused and doubting their own experiences. It’s a twisted way of shifting the focus and blame away from them and onto you.
2) Personal Attacks
Narcissists have an uncanny knack for turning an argument into a full-blown character assassination. And trust me, I’ve been at the receiving end of this.
I once had a disagreement with a colleague who, let’s just say, fits the narcissist’s profile. The argument started over a simple work-related issue. But instead of focusing on the problem at hand, he quickly shifted the focus on me.
He began making sweeping statements about my work ethic, even bringing up unrelated past mistakes to undermine me. It felt like a personal attack rather than a constructive discussion.
The goal here is to derail the conversation and make you defend yourself, taking the spotlight off them. It’s a classic narcissistic move.
3) Superiority Complex
Narcissists have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep-seated need for excessive attention, and an utter disregard for other’s feelings. This often emerges as a superiority complex in arguments.
They’ll assert their intellect, achievements, or social status to belittle you. They might even use sophisticated language or jargon to intimidate and confound you.
Narcissists often overestimate their own intelligence. In a study published in the Journal of Personality, it was found that while narcissists believe they are exceptionally intelligent, objective measures show they are no smarter than the average person.
When a narcissist tries to overpower you with their ‘superior’ knowledge or status, remember, it’s just another manipulation tactic. They’re not as superior as they’d like to believe.
4) Playing the Victim
Another classic tactic narcissists employ is playing the victim. They have a knack for turning the tables and making themselves appear as the wronged party, no matter the circumstances.
In an argument, they’ll twist facts, misrepresent your words, and do whatever it takes to paint themselves as the innocent party. They’ll pull at your heartstrings and evoke sympathy, all to distract from the real issue at hand.
It’s a manipulative strategy designed to make you feel guilty, question your actions, and ultimately, let them off the hook. Remember, don’t let their victim act cloud your judgment. Stick to the facts and hold them accountable.
5) Emotional Blackmail
Narcissists are experts at emotional blackmail. They use your feelings against you, exploiting your vulnerabilities to get what they want in an argument.
I’m reminded of a dear friend who was in a relationship with a narcissist. Whenever they argued, her partner would threaten to leave her, knowing her fear of abandonment. He’d use her love for him as a weapon, making her feel guilty and afraid.
This is emotional blackmail. It’s manipulative, cruel, and designed to make you surrender your position just to keep the peace or protect the relationship.
No one has the right to play on your emotions like that. Stand your ground and don’t let them use your feelings as a bargaining chip.
6) The Silent Treatment
The silent treatment is another weapon in a narcissist’s arsenal. They use silence as a form of punishment, often pulling it out when they’re not getting their way in an argument.
I’ve experienced this firsthand. I remember a time when I confronted a narcissistic friend about their behavior. Instead of addressing the issue, they completely shut down. Texts went unanswered, calls unreturned. It was as if I suddenly ceased to exist.
This silent treatment was used to make me feel guilty, to make me question my decision to confront them. It’s a manipulation tactic designed to regain control and elicit an apology – even when they’re the ones in the wrong.
If you’re faced with the silent treatment, remember, it’s not about you. It’s just another strategy in their manipulative playbook.
7) Denial and Distortion
Denial and distortion are common tactics narcissists use in arguments. They’ll deny any wrongdoing, even if there’s clear evidence to the contrary. And they don’t just stop at denial; they’ll also distort the truth to fit their narrative.
In an argument, they can easily rewrite history, presenting events in a way that puts them in a favorable light. They might accuse you of misunderstanding or overreacting, all while completely ignoring your feelings and concerns.
This tactic can leave you feeling frustrated and doubting your perspective. But remember, you’re not crazy. Trust your memories and stick to the facts.
8) Projecting their Faults
The most crucial thing you need to know is that narcissists are notorious for projection. They have a habit of attributing their own negative traits and behaviors onto others, especially during arguments.
If they’re being selfish or insensitive, they’ll accuse you of those very things. It’s a deflection tactic, a way to shift blame and keep the focus off their own shortcomings.
If a narcissist starts accusing you of behaviors that they themselves are guilty of, remember, it’s not about you. It’s a reflection of their own issues. Don’t let their projections undermine your self-belief or distort your reality.
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