If adult children use these 7 phrases with their parents, they lack emotional awareness

There’s a huge gap between communicating effectively with your parents and simply talking at them.

This gap can often be bridged by emotional awareness – the ability to understand and respond to the feelings of both yourself and others.

Lacking emotional awareness often leads to discord and misunderstanding. And trust me, it’s the last thing you want with your parents as an adult.

Interestingly, you can gauge your emotional awareness by the phrases you use when communicating with them. There are certain words and phrases that, when used by adult children, suggest a lack of emotional awareness.

1) “You don’t understand…”

It’s a common phrase in many discussions, especially those that involve emotional matters.

As adult children, we often feel that our parents just don’t get where we’re coming from. That they don’t understand our work pressures, relationship issues, or the general ups and downs of life as we know it today.

But here’s the thing – using this phrase repeatedly might just be a sign of lacking emotional awareness.

Why? Because it dismisses the other person’s capacity to empathize or see things from your perspective. It’s a subtle way of closing the door to mutual understanding.

Remember, just because your parents might not have faced the exact same scenarios, it doesn’t mean they can’t grasp your feelings or concerns.

So instead of jumping to “you don’t understand,” try explaining your point of view. Share your experiences and feelings. In doing so, you’re not only opening up a dialogue but also demonstrating emotional maturity.

2) “It’s your fault”

This one hits home for me personally.

I remember a time when I was dealing with a challenging situation at work. It was a project that had gone off the rails and I was under immense pressure to get it back on track. Naturally, I was stressed and my mood swings were off the charts.

One evening, while on a call with my father, he offered some advice on how I could handle the situation. Instead of appreciating his input, I snapped back with, “It’s your fault. You never taught me how to deal with such things.”

Looking back now, I realize how unfair and emotionally unaware that response was. The blame game is easy to play but rarely solves anything.

By accusing my father, I was not only evading responsibility for my own challenges but also hurting someone who was trying to help me.

The lesson here? Instead of placing blame on our parents for our problems, it’s important to take ownership of our own lives. This not only shows emotional awareness but also paves the way for personal growth and development.

3) “You always…” or “You never…”

These absolute terms are often thrown around in heated conversations. They tend to amplify the issue at hand and rarely lead to productive dialogue.

In fact, according to a study by the Gottman Institute, the use of such absolutes in conversations is one of the predictors of relationship failure. This is because these phrases imply that the other person’s behavior is constant and unchangeable, which is rarely the case.

So, when talking to your parents, it’s better to express how you feel about specific situations or actions instead of generalizing their behavior. This approach not only helps in resolving conflicts but also shows your emotional awareness in handling delicate situations.

4) “Whatever”

Ever found yourself with no response other than a dismissive “whatever”? This simple word might seem harmless, but it can be a red flag for lack of emotional awareness.

“Whatever” is often used as a defense mechanism to avoid engaging in a conversation or dealing with difficult emotions. It’s a way to shut down the discussion without addressing the concerns raised.

When we use “whatever” in response to our parents, we’re basically saying that their feelings or perspectives don’t matter. It’s a sign of being emotionally disconnected.

Instead, try to engage more actively in the conversation. Listen to what your parents have to say and respond thoughtfully. It’s okay if you don’t agree with everything, but showing that you care enough to listen can make a huge difference.

5) “I don’t care”

I distinctly remember a time when I was planning a big move to another city for a new job. My mother, understandably worried, shared her concerns about my decision.

Instead of acknowledging her fears or trying to reassure her, I simply retorted with, “I don’t care what you think, I’m going anyway.”

“I don’t care” is a phrase that can easily slip out when we’re feeling defensive or cornered, but it’s rarely accurate. Most often, we do care – we’re just struggling to communicate our feelings or manage others’ expectations.

Using this phrase frequently with your parents can indicate a lack of emotional awareness. It’s crucial to understand that it’s possible to validate their feelings without necessarily agreeing with them. After all, they usually have our best interests at heart.

6) “I’m fine”

This is a classic go-to phrase when we want to avoid delving into our feelings. While it’s okay to not share everything with our parents, consistently replying with “I’m fine” when you’re clearly not can indicate a lack of emotional awareness.

Saying “I’m fine” often serves as a wall that we put up to keep others, including our parents, from seeing our vulnerability or pain. But it’s important to remember that it’s okay to not be okay.

Sharing your true feelings doesn’t make you weak. In fact, it shows emotional strength and self-awareness. So next time when you’re feeling low and your parent asks how you are, try opening up a little. You might be surprised at their understanding and support.

7) “It doesn’t matter”

This phrase is a clear sign of emotional disconnection. When we tell our parents “it doesn’t matter”, we’re essentially saying that their input or feelings are irrelevant to us.

The truth is, it does matter. Their wisdom, experiences, and love for us often come through in their advice or concerns. Dismissing them outright reflects a lack of emotional awareness on our part.

Remember, open communication is key in any relationship, including the one with our parents. Acknowledging their feelings and perspectives shows emotional maturity and helps foster a healthier relationship.

Final thoughts: It’s a journey

Understanding and navigating our emotions can be a complex process. It’s not always black and white, and we all have moments of miscommunication or misunderstandings, especially with our parents.

The phrases we’ve outlined in this article are not definitive proof of a lack of emotional awareness. Instead, they’re indicators that can prompt us to introspect and work on improving our emotional intelligence.

Remember, emotional awareness is not about perfection. It’s about progress and growth. It’s about learning to understand your feelings, acknowledging the feelings of others, and finding healthier ways to communicate.

So if you find yourself using these phrases regularly with your parents, don’t be disheartened. Instead, see it as an opportunity to grow and improve your relationship with them.

After all, the journey towards emotional awareness is filled with self-discovery and deepened relationships. And that’s a journey worth embarking on.