10 phrases passive aggressive people use to undermine your confidence

There’s a fine line between constructive criticism and passive aggression.

Passive aggression is all about subtly undermining confidence, making you doubt your own abilities, often without you even realizing it.

Now, we all know people who are masters of this craft. They lace their words with negativity but camouflage it as advice or concern.

As someone who’s been on the receiving end, I can share with you ten phrases that passive-aggressive people often use to chip away at your confidence.

In this article, we’re going to delve into these phrases, helping you recognize and tackle them head-on.

Let’s get started.

1) “You’re just too sensitive”

Passive-aggressive people have a knack for turning the tables.

When you express hurt or frustration at their actions, they often resort to this phrase. It’s a classic example of gaslighting, a psychological manipulation tactic where the aim is to make you question your own feelings and reactions.

With this phrase, they’re not only dismissing your emotions but also subtly implying that the problem lies with you, not them.

It’s an insidious way of undermining your confidence in your own perceptions and feelings. By making you think that you’re overreacting or too emotional, they manage to deflect blame and maintain their innocence.

If someone consistently makes you feel like you’re ‘too sensitive,’ it’s more about them than you. Don’t let them make you doubt your worth or validity of your feelings.

2) “I was only joking”

This is a phrase I’ve encountered more than once in my own life.

A past coworker of mine had a habit of making snide remarks about my work. When I confronted her about it, she’d often brush it off with a casual, “I was only joking.”

But here’s the thing, it wasn’t funny. It was hurtful. And the kicker is, she knew it.

This phrase is a classic shield for passive-aggressive people. They hide their hurtful comments under the guise of humor and when you react, they make you feel like you can’t take a joke.

It’s a clever way to undermine your confidence, making you second-guess your reactions and feel insecure. Humor should never be at the expense of someone’s feelings or self-esteem. If it hurts, it’s not a joke.

3) “It’s fine”

When someone tells you “it’s fine,” you’d expect everything to be, well, fine. But when it comes from a passive-aggressive person, it’s typically not.

In fact, studies suggest that when people say “it’s fine” but their tone or body language suggests otherwise, they’re often not expressing their true feelings. This is a common characteristic of passive-aggressive behavior.

This phrase is used to express disapproval or dissatisfaction without directly saying it. It’s a way to make you feel guilty or anxious without them having to own up to their feelings. It’s all about creating uncertainty and undermining your confidence in reading and responding to situations.

Always remember that communication should be clear and direct. If you suspect someone’s “fine” isn’t genuine, don’t hesitate to seek clarity.

4) “Don’t worry about it”

This phrase can be a real confidence killer if used in the right context.

Think about it. You’ve made a mistake or caused an issue, and you’re ready to take responsibility and fix it. But then, the passive-aggressive person hits you with “don’t worry about it.”

Sounds kind, right? But there’s often an undertone that suggests they don’t trust you to rectify the situation or they’re annoyed at your mistake.

It’s a subtle way of saying, “You’ve messed up, and I don’t think you can handle fixing it.” This can seriously undermine your confidence and make you doubt your ability to solve problems or make amends.

Always remember, everyone makes mistakes and has the capacity to learn from them and make things right. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.

5) “Whatever you think is best”

At face value, this phrase sounds like they’re giving you the authority to make a decision. However, when uttered by a passive-aggressive person, it’s often laced with hidden resentment or lack of genuine interest.

Instead of openly disagreeing or voicing their opinion, they choose to subtly express their disapproval by stepping back and letting you take full control. It can leave you second-guessing your decisions and feeling unsupported.

This phrase is less about entrusting you with a decision and more about setting you up for blame if things go wrong. It’s a classic move to undermine your confidence in your judgement.

Open and honest communication is key. If something feels off, ask for clear feedback or a better understanding of their perspective.

6) “I’m not mad, just disappointed”

This one pulls at the heartstrings. Hearing someone say they’re disappointed in you can be a real blow to your confidence.

Passive-aggressive individuals often use this phrase to express their displeasure without having to communicate their feelings openly. The aim is to make you feel guilty and question your actions, thus chipping away at your self-assurance.

But here’s something heartfelt to remember: everyone makes mistakes and has room for growth. True disappointment should be a moment of learning, not a weapon to undermine someone’s confidence.

If someone uses this phrase to manipulate your feelings, remind yourself of your worth. You are more than a singular action or mistake. You’re constantly growing and learning, and that’s something to be proud of.

7) “If you say so”

This phrase might sound harmless, but it can be a subtle dig at your confidence.

I remember a time when I was excitedly sharing my plans for a new project. A friend responded with a dismissive “if you say so.” It felt like a bucket of cold water on my enthusiasm.

When a passive-aggressive person uses this phrase, they’re implying doubt in your words or actions without openly challenging you. It’s their way of saying, “I don’t believe you” or “I doubt that will happen,” without actually saying it.

This can make you question your ability and cause self-doubt. But remember, your aspirations and plans are valid. Don’t let anyone’s subtle doubts undermine your confidence or enthusiasm.

8) “I’m fine doing all the work”

You might think that someone offering to shoulder all the responsibility is being helpful. But when a passive-aggressive person insists on doing all the work, it’s often an underhanded tactic.

By taking on all tasks, they subtly imply that you’re not capable enough or that they don’t trust your skills. Over time, this can erode your confidence and make you question your abilities.

Additionally, it also sets up a dynamic where they can later play the martyr or use it as an excuse to guilt trip you.

Teamwork and shared responsibilities are essential in any relationship, be it professional or personal. Don’t let anyone undermine your confidence by monopolizing tasks or responsibilities.

9) “No, I insist, you go first”

When used by a passive-aggressive person, this phrase is not about being polite or considerate. It’s often a set-up for a later critique or an underhanded way to highlight your mistakes.

By insisting you go first, they’re placing you in the spotlight while they observe and judge from the sidelines. It can make you feel self-conscious and anxious, undermining your confidence.

Keep in mind, it’s not about who goes first or last but about mutual respect and encouragement. Don’t let such tactics pressure you or shake your confidence. Trust in your abilities and worth.

10) “I’m just trying to help”

This phrase, when used by a passive-aggressive person, is often a cloak for criticism or control. They use it as a shield against any backlash for their negative comments or actions, making it seem like they have your best interests at heart.

But true help doesn’t belittle or undermine your confidence. Genuine advice is constructive, respectful, and uplifting. If someone’s ‘help’ consistently makes you feel small or incompetent, it’s not help at all.

Remember this: you have the right to receive respect and kindness from others. Don’t let anyone undermine your confidence under the guise of ‘trying to help’. You’re capable, strong, and deserving of genuine support and respect.

Final thoughts: It’s about respect

Passive-aggressive behavior, subtly veiled in seemingly harmless phrases, undermines respect by chipping away at your confidence. It’s a tactic that can leave you questioning your worth and abilities.

Psychologists suggest that this behavior often stems from a person’s inability to communicate their feelings openly. They might be battling their own insecurities or past traumas, manifesting this struggle through passive-aggressive communication.

But remember this – everyone deserves respect and open communication. Your feelings are valid, and your confidence should not be the casualty of someone else’s communication shortcomings.

As you navigate through life, stay aware of these subtle phrases and their potential impact. And most importantly, never let anyone undermine your worth or confidence. You’re stronger than you think, and you deserve nothing less than respect and kindness.